To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

She's just asking, thinking her friends might want to help. Plenty will.

I get you don't want to do it - I wouldn't either as we have heaps of things around here we don't have time to do & I loathe cleaning.

Did you ask her to help you? Not many will offer if you don't ask!!

All you have to do it say you're busy but will squeeze in dropping by with lunch / coffee / snacks instead.

Not your house.
Not your responsibility.
Lunch and bubbles👎

Sounds a bit cheeky to me. However, I do remember the notion of “painting parties” where someone would invite their friends over to decorate a room. I’ve never had those type of friendship groups. Also in magazine articles there used to be recommendations to get all your mates round to pitch in for things like sharing the burden of parties, for example. So perhaps she’s thinking along those lines, but it does sound out of the blue, and that she’s trying to exploit you.

This is a perfectly normal thing for a best mate to ask another best mate. If you don't want to do it just say no, you can't.

For goodness sake! She only asked if you could help if you have some spare time. Lots of people would be only too happy to help a friend, and expect no payment of any kind. If you don't want to help then don't, but it really isn't necessary to make such a drama about it. You and your "best mate" sound poles apart tbh.

Wow. How are you guys even friends if you post this on mn? The text was lovely and nice and exactly what a friend would text asking for help
The fact she didn't help when you moved doesnt change anything. You probably didn't even ask her.

Yabu

It's quite a cheeky request but you only need to reply something like "That's exciting to hear! I'm sorry I won't be able to help out, but best of luck."

Well I find these responses odd. That’s proper cheeky, come and clean her house and do the garden. I’m with you op. Fuck that. She can clean her own house. It is absolutely not a normal thing to ask someone to do.

She didn't help you? I'd be too busy. She'll manage without your help, as you did without hers. If you do decide to help, I'd tell her you don't like bubbles and exactly what you would prefer. If she's bold enough to ask for free work, you can be bold enough to tell her what you'd like to eat/drink.

The suggestion that there's no harm in asking is annoying, because that's not always true. At the least it makes the person asked feel guilty if they don't want to do whatever is asked of them, and it's often awkward to have to give an answer in the negative. ("No" may be a complete sentence, but it's not an easy thing to say for most people.)

She's asked for help and offered a treat in return. I don't see the issue? Just say your too busy.

You mentioned she didn't help you, did you ask for help?

YANBU, she shouldn’t have asked.

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

What else has she asked you to?

Honestly, how good could the lunch actually be??

I have a relative like this!

In her case, she needed help because hadn’t cleaned the place in at least 4 years and didn’t know where to start. It was hideous and I don’t know how she managed to con her few friends into helping. As family members, we felt vaguely obligated (FYI - I’ve got over that feeling now!).

You can borrow my complete lack of guilt about saying no to this kind of request that I seemed to have acquired post-menopause. It's terribly freeing! Funnily enough I did help a friend with the cleaning recently when she was moving but a) I offered, she didn't ask, b) she has a useless husband and a huge amount on and c) I absolutely know she'd reciprocate if she could and I needed it.

I'm not sure I like the breeziness in her request, almost like it's a foregone conclusion that you'd say yes. It would be less annoying if she'd said something more humble.

I don't think I'd let it get to me that much though unless she sulks or tries to guilt you into doing it. Just say you can't do it as you've got too much on but you hope she gets others to help. If she follows it up, just repeat you can't.

Yanbu to not want to clean her house, but yabu to stew about it. Just send a reply 'sorry sweetie, fearfully busy at the moment. Good luck with the move.'

Some people love doing that stuff. I'm not one of them 😀

I didn't ask her for help with my move because I know she is busy! I sorted it out myself and my boyfriend and family helped. She knew all the details of when it was though and didn't offer a thing.

@Meraas you're right, she has asked for a lot in the past. For example, at her daughters 1st birthday party I was expected to go round with food platters and she was most put out when she realised I wasn't planning to stay to the very end. She thought I was going ti be taking stuff back in my car for her. This wasn't discussed beforehand and I had evening plans.

@Autienotnaughtie It's not a treat! I don't drink bubbles and I can make my own sandwiches.

This exactly!!!! I an make myself a haloumi salad without having to garden first!

I've had parents and siblings asked/offered to help with physically moving furniture, boxes etc on moving day. If you're very close friends, I think that would be fine. But she should have offered to help you if that's the kind of relationship she thinks you have.

Asking a friend to clean your house or pack your belongings is unusual, and it's certainly beyond the level of help I'd be willing to offer to anyone unless they were physically incapacitated, or a single parent. Even then, I'd be offering to watch the kids while they did their own cleaning!

Just seen your update, name change fail?

Does she have family around who could help?

This is my thought exactly. She has a husband, who is a teacher and so about to have the summer off. She is a shift worker. They have more time than a lot of couples.

I think its the inference that I have nothing better to fill my time with which rankles. As with the 1st birthday party example- it was expected that id stay for the entire day when other people came and left as and when they felt like it. Why would I want to stay for hours at a 1 year old's party!? That's not fun for anyone!!

Apparently so!!

Oh well.

Yeah she has a husband, brother, in laws and mum. She's not alone!

My feeling is that I doubt she's asked her other close friends for help as they all have kids and therefore "no spare time"

She sounds like a bit of a user. Does she ever help you?

What is your response going to be?

It’s cheeky if she hasn’t offered to help you. But I would gladly help my friend clean and pack.

She's there for me on an emotional level. She is very supportive and I can't fault her on that.

It's just this assumption that I have the time or inclination to do this kind of thing. I don't on either count!

My response so far was "oh wow, how exciting, have you found a house?"

This made me lol at 4 a.m.

I think it's a cheeky request. Friends offered to help me move, one insisted. I would never have requested it of anyone.