To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

YANBU. I’d have no kids and equally no spare time to help prep friends houses for a sale .
No harm in her asking and equally no harm saying thanks but no thanks !

’A treat’?! I have lunch everyday, it’s hardly a treat! I wouldn’t consider a cheap bottle of Prosecco one either.

This is something that would b completely normal in my circle. Someone is moving, or has some sort of house project it’d be perfectly normal for a few of us to get together and help out, generally with the person being helped buying us all pizza. It’s generally hard work but fun to get together all the same and what friends do in my experience. Sometimes the help will be requested, other times a few of us will have offered before they can.

She is your best friend? You are hers? No perhaps she didn't send it to other people, just her family and you?

I read this as a perfectly normal request to send to a very close friend. It's the sort of thing I would ask the people closest to me to help with- isn't that what you do for people you love? Put yourself out for them? My best friends would all help with this and I would help them. In fact I have done exactly this for a friend before. And she has done similar for me.

If you don't really love her as a best friend maybe you need to tell her.

'Sorry x, I think you've misunderstood our friendship. I don't really want to inconvenience myself to help you'.

I help my friends on moving day, clearing rooms and cleaning after. But unless I had acres of spare time I wouldn't do what your friend asked. She'll profit so she can pay a cleaner, gardener and handyman/woman.

We've helped friends move before with a takeaway as our 'treat'. It was a very long day as they hadn't even finished packing and the whole place was jam-packed with stuff. Never again.

God knows how much work you could get sucked into with such a vague request. There is just no way I would do it.

So @TheUnexpectedPickle is the OP? Could you change your name back please for the benefit of us who like to just read the OP's posts?

This.
Complete non event.

Tbh this thread has confused me. This would be totally and utterly normal amongst my friends and family.

OP, why not just say you're busy?

I don't see the problem. Just say no if you don't want to?

Or maybe it is just a difference in friendship groups. We had some friends to help in our garden and we did a BBQ & drinks afterwards.

One of the friends then asked my husband to go round to help decorating his new house, which he did. I don't think there was any assumption about kids/no kids and free time on either side... just friends helping each other out.

How is she your best mate if she doesn't even know you don't like 'bubbles'.
This strikes me as a mass message effort.

@Holly60

Friendship doesn’t mean doing everything your friends ask you to.

Love isn’t conditional on people cleaning your house.

OP is entitled to feel she doesn’t to do this. I get the sense the friend is quite demanding of OP because she doesn’t have kids. Surely if the friend loved OP, she wouldn’t be asking her to inconvenience herself so often?

My answer would be,

'Oh that's exciting, but yeah hard work- I did it all (by)myself only last year!! Good luck!'

I can't get past your 'best' friend not knowing you don't like bubbles... I know the drink likes and dislikes of all my friends!

I've helped lots of people with moving day because of the time pressure, and would offer to watch kids or garden and chat as I enjoy it, but no cleaning! And the breezy 'I'm sure you won't mind' tone of the request is really irritating. If she explained that she was struggling it'd be different.

How inappropriate of her! Is there any reason why she can't clean her house and do her own gardening? And the reference to "paying" you - ugh. Imagine actually cleaning your friend's house and wiping off layers of dirt they hadn't bothered to clean up themselves. As for gardening - thats quite an involved, heavy job and its something which, if done properly, can increase the value of the house quite a bit.

She needs to pay an actual gardener and cleaner to do this work if she' isn't prepared to do it herself. Why would you want to use your spare time to get her house ready to sell? She clearly thinks you have nothing better to do.

The comment about her "offering a treat" - treats must be thin on the ground there!. But it doesn't even sound as if she planning on taking you out for lunch but providing them as a break from your "work" for her.

She's not exactly at the starting out stage of having painting parties, where people would go round and help their friends with their ftb flats, is she? This is general maintenance which she should have been doing herself if she was planning to sell.

I'd just blank her and if she asks again, tell her she needs to pay a proper cleaner/gardener.

I’m on the fence.

my oldest friend would say this and it would irritate me intensely. Why? Because she’s a CF, and she would always be casually asking me to do stuff for her from booking tickets, to sorting her holiday inventory to looking after her dog when she went away (I have two cats which I could put out apparently). She’s funny and generous and good company, but I have to have strong boundaries as she’s a massive CF if she can get away with it.

perhaps the OPs friend is the same.

Ah cross posted- we had the same issue with drink preferences 😂

YANBU I have never heard of anyone recruiting their friends to help make their house look nice to sell! They want to sell it they can sort it out themselves can't they!!

Maybe the “bubbles” mean “no need to bring your own cleaning products” 😂

It definitely reads like a group message.

*It's just this assumption that I have the time or inclination to do this kind of thing."

Wheres the assumption though? She asked. You don't have to say yes.

God I loathe the word 'treat'

Op, she doesn't use your name in the medsage, so I bet she sent it to all her contacts. Someone will do it. Poor sods.

Hmmm my friend moved - I was round quick as a flash to help clear and pack and clean. Why wouldn't I? She didn't ask tho. I had a day off and I offered.

No of course but it does mean you can ask for help when you need it.

OP seems incensed that her BEST FRIEND has forthrightly asked her if she can help her.

If she doesn't want to help at all that is of course her prerogative, but I tend to try to help my family and best friends when they need it.

Everyone has different tiers of friendships right? There are those you would just meet for brunch, and then there are those you'd give a kidney to if they needed it. I wouldn't call a brunch friend a best friend... so I'm wondering if OP has categorised this friendship wrongly...

I'm not sure I like the breeziness in her request, almost like it's a foregone conclusion that you'd say yes. It would be less annoying if she'd said something more humble
this! I couldn’t wor it out till I read this from greenberg. Also if she’d said, I need help with weeding the front garden, in my new house, Fred and Jane are coming to help and I’ll make us all a bbq to say thank you.
that would be ok, mates help mates for sure.
A vague,’can you help do everything so I can make a profit’ nope! I might help with one specific task - like help put up curtains, but certainly not everything. I also read it as you need to look in your diary and organise what to do and when..

P.s. I think helping clear and pack on moving day is different somehow from cleaning for the estate agent to take photos.