To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

If she is a really good friend, can’t you just turn around and say … umm no that sounds like me kind of hell… good luck!!! … if my friend asked me and she would she’s cheeky and she knows it, she’s a good enough mate that I can turn around and say no thanks without the friendship being rocked… if you saying no will jeopardise the friendship maybe she isn’t a good friend after all

My kind of hell … autocorrect fail

Did you ask for help when you moved ? If not then it is not the same. I understand you feel awkward as you don't want to help in this instance ( and why should you, I wouldn't either ) but probably feel bad saying no.

You don't have to help but also getting angry over that request is an interesting reaction. A test of your friendship might be you replying honestly that you don't feel up to helping this time . She may be upset but if you are good friends your friendship should survive ( unless you refuse angrily at her temerity to ask for help in which case it may not survive )

Respond with your hourly rates 🤣

Tell her get the professionals in and life laundry the place. If she hires storage then the clutter can go..

There's nothing in that text that should make you feel like she's making any assumptions about your spare time and how you should spend it. Fair enough if you don't want to but I think you're overreacting by taking it as a personal insult and getting upset.

I don’t see a problem with the text - bless there is a huge back story about multiple requests of this type of nature from your “best mate”

As for this:
It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest

• I just don’t see this

She sent that message to a 100 people, not just you; hoping a few would accept.

I had a friendship group where we helped each other in this way. What comes around goes around. Many hands makes light work. That sort of thing.

But in the last 20 years or so I have seen a societal shift away from that and more towards a look after your own damn self attitude.

It would have been nice of her to offer to help you move but perhaps she thought that if you wanted help you would have asked her for help.

I think you're being oversensitive here sounds like their is history to no kids must have lots of time. Every time I've moved friends have offered to help. I've politely refused, I wouldn't feel comfortable much prefer to pay professionals but the fact people offer I'm sure for many this would be a really normal thing to help a friend with. She's only asking, just say you're busy

She is cheeky. There is no lunch that would make up for my wasted time cleaning someone else's mess.
The unfortunate thing is that there will be some poor, people-pleasing sod who will oblige. That's why people like her keep trying it on..someone will bite!

What a cheeky cow!! I’d either just ignore or say no. You don’t have to give an excuse, just say no. Cleaning and tidying for other people is very hard work IMO as you never know what you can throw away and what is the most precious thing in the world so you have to keep asking 😆 I just let people get on with it now.

I think she's a cheeky cow and I'd say no thanks I have my own to do.

I hate cleaning and gardening for myself, no way would I do it for lunch and bubbles- actually thought you were going to say you had a business that did that sort of thing but she just wanted extreme mates rates!

Name change fail? But yes, extremely cheeky 😆

I'm in 2 minds as our friends helped us move we paid in beer but at no point did I ask them to do the cleaning or packing it was literally move day only as no removal companies had space.

DH also asks for help with the garden from his friend to do big stuff as he can't do it on his own (shifting rubble or laying slabs not weeding). But we always offer to back in return and we have children so we juggle it about DH has moved fridges, kitchens and furniture.

All of our friends are like this though children or no children we help each other out.
I think YNBU though as she didn't offer you the same in return when you were moving

Wow - I'm very glad some of the posters on this thread aren't my friends! Unbelievable that a simple requiest - not a demand - can provoke some of these answers. I don't live in the UK, maybe you have a different understanding of the meaning of friendship there.

Name change fail?

Similar. In my 20s lots of my friends bought doer uppers to get our foot on the proper ladder and it was common to help will moving, stripping wallpaper, painting, clearing (not bog standard cleaning) etc. We'd work for a few hours, have beer and pizza on the living room because we didn't have any furniture. Often only one or two people would have a car so they were roped in to do tip runs.

We had all (separately) moved to a city away from family and anyway, what 25 year old wants to ask for help from dad?

Do it or don't do it. It's up to you.

Oh, and yesterday DH spent 3 hours helping a friend put he fence back up because it blew down.

It's kind of what friends do, IMO.

That's completely different.

General gardening and cleaning is a week to week task, if the friends have let it slide, delay marketing the house!

I help my bestie with moving house activities and painting! I don't think it's unusual but neither is it mandated.

I don't think it's that cheeky, my friend group did the decorating party thing when we've all moved house and I personally wouldn't have a problem helping my best friend with this.

If you're too busy or don't want to do it just say no, I'm not getting the big deal.

People can ask for help, you can say no. It's only on MN where people who supposedly care for each other should never ever do anything for each other. Not without being sufficiently compensated for it and raving about them being a cheeky fucker first.

In the real world I'd help a friend if I could. If you think she takes this piss and aren't happy with how much she expects of you then why are you best friends with her?

I wouldn’t be impressed being asked to actually clean a friends house, that’s really grim! I am AMAZED she asked you to do that unless that is your profession? To help with the gardening or a spot of painting might be more acceptable I suppose at a push… The thing that would annoy me the most is offering you drinks as a reward that you don’t even like! That’s kind of insulting and shows she doesn’t know you that well.

Id be unimpressed and busy! She can clean her own toilets 😊

I would help my best mate in a heartbeat but it doesn’t sound like you like her that much! Just say no!

Hmm, for our first flat move DH’s friends helped (carrying furniture etc) and we paid them in beer and pizza. I think the difference was that we knew they were doing us a favour and talked about as such (and returned the favour when they moved).

I don’t think your friend has phrased it very well but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the idea of friends asking for help with a move. Is there some reason the house is going on the market asap if they’re not ready?