To not want to clean her flippin' house and to.be annoyed that she asked.

[TexasTyson]

Best mate sent me a WhatsApp 2 days ago...

Hay darling! We are putting the house on the market ASAP if you have any spare time in the next few weeks to come and doing some gardening, cleaning, packing or anything to get this house looking good for the photos I would be so very grateful! And pay you in lunch and bubbles! Xxx

I've been stewing over it. Why the hell would I want to come and clean her house and do her garden!?

Are cleaners and gardeners usually paid in "lunch and bubbles"!? I don't even drink bubbles, I don't like the sensation and I never have.

Where is all this spare time coming from? And why would I not have my own stuff to fill it with? Like, for example, my own life admin. Or even just relaxing after a stressful few days at work!

It just feels like another case of "she has no kids so she must have loads of time and must want to help us" to be honest.

I moved last year and she didn't help me at all!!

I can't tell if I'm being a selfish cow... AIBU?

I understood that. Hence my statement of "those photos need to be great to get the house sold". It's the first step of a house move and is stressful in itself as photos will be on Rightmove etc for everyone interested to judge and will determine who views the house and the number of viewings etc.
How does everyone else manage? . You'd think op's mate was the first one ever to sell a house 😂
It's an everyday occurrence.

I have a van, so I get asked to help with lots of moves. My response depends on the friendship. For some friends I would drop everything and go, because they would do or have already done the same for me and that's how our friendship works. With others...I find ignoring the message for a few days followed by a quick "sorry, was mad busy" usually does the trick.

I would help my bf if she asked. I think she asked in a lovely way too and she’s left it very open for you to decline. She didn’t mention you being childless - is that an issue between you?

@TexasTyson

I am on the fence, because you said she is your best mate. I would be happy to help my best mate, and find it a little odd that you don't want to, and are so affronted by the request. Indeed, I would have offered to be honest.

Although, I do fucking HATE people asking/hinting in a 'banter' sort of manner, if you will help them with something. You're painting the fence or mowing the lawn, and someone says 'oooh you can do mine next.' Another example is... my friend has a lovely garden, and spends lots of time on it as she loves it, and her SIL (brother's wife) has said repeatedly 'oooh your garden is lovely, you will HAVE to come and help us with ours.'

Once, it's like haha Twice it's like THREE times it's like She has mentioned it MORE than 3 times now. 'when ya coming to do our garden for us then?' My friend has said 'just because I enjoy doing MY garden, that doesn't mean I want to do hers!' Why do people DO this? Think because you do something for yourself and do it well, that you want to do theirs? For free of course, in your spare time. Probably expect you to pay for materials too (compost/plants etc...)

They're just like the type who expect free I.T. support, free hairdressing, free work done to their car etc, if you have a tech worker, hairdresser or mechanic in the family. Cheeky fuckers.

Going back to the OP though, I have actually seen people say (on facebook) stuff like 'moving house in 3 weeks, if anyone wants to help me I can pay you in baked cookies and coffee, and write you a poem.; I even know one young woman (24-ish) who posts constantly on twitter and facebook 'I NEED this perfume/videogame/nameband handbag,' if anyone wants to buy it me for my birthday on 29th September. (Always posts this shit 3-4 weeks before her birthday or Christmas!)

I do wonder if anyone ever actually buys it. She puts it forward as slightly jokey, with a ha ha after her 'request,' but she means it. She wants someone to buy it. Cheeky cah. She works too, and earns around £40K per year . I think 'buy yer own fucking shit! Like everyone else does!' Some people are shameless!

*NAMEBRAND handbag, not nameband!

“I moved last year and she didn’t help me at all”

…did you ask?

I changed my vote after re-reading and also realising that this woman is meant to be your best mate?

If it was an acquaintance or loose friend then I’d understand but she’s your best friend! Which also explains the casual nature of the message. To then come on here and slag her off? You don’t have to help and you’re not necessarily being selfish by saying no if you don’t want to/can’t - absolutely granted that you need your own rest too. But you are being a bit of a bitch about it by coming on here and slagging her off. For that YABU.

I think this completely depends on your friendship group...

I've helped packing, cleaning, painting, driving... And I happily (ish) volunteered to do this....

When i moved across the city 12 people turned up to help 😁, and I could have wept with gratitude.

Actually,? It was quite fun. I'm still in contact with many of these people 15 years later.

It's a bit cheeky but this is your best mate! I'd probably give up some time to help.

my friend asked me to do this in a jokey manner and i told her no way back in a jokey manner, i told her i can barely clean my own house never mind someone else. Suggested she got cleaners in and she did...no big drama....

Full CF

No you don't have to clean her house and garden on the promise of lunch. Her husband can help. You didn't mess it up so why on earth would you clean it?