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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you have adult DC, do you still spend a lot of money on them?

236 replies

QwestionThyme · 30/06/2022 19:56

I.e. when you're out will you buy their food, treat them to things ect.. or do you not really spend much money on your adult DC now? (By adult I don't mean 18 year old, but like adult 20s +, maybe married, own kids)

And if you have grandchildren do you spend a lot of money on them too?

OP posts:
DaphneduM · 30/06/2022 20:04

I buy my three year old grandson's shoes and because we look after him two days a week I'm always buying bits and pieces to keep him amused - craft stuff, and toys and puzzles. I also help my daughter out on odd occasions and pay for lunch out when we're shopping. I'm happy to do so, it's what family is all about.

Fairyliz · 30/06/2022 20:04

Two DC’s in their 20’s both living away from home and I spend a fortune on them. They cost me more now than when they were living at home!
In the last year DH and I have paid for meals when they visit and given them money for petrol. Paid car repairs and insurance for one £1200 and given the other a deposit towards their first house £40k.
No we are not high earners only both average earners but we realise how much everything costs so try and help them out despite being wicked baby boomers.
I would say most of my friends are the same, so any inherent we receive more or less goes to our children

DaphneduM · 30/06/2022 20:05

Forgot to say we were paying for all of us to have a family holiday together, but it was cancelled due to Covid. That was to celebrate her 30th birthday.

JellyBellyNelly · 30/06/2022 20:10

Yes. We do. In many ways. Everyone gets a good share of what we have and we’ve recently told one of our children we’ll give her maternity pay to take a year out from work instead of going back after 6 weeks which is what it is where we live.

You can’t take it with you.

JellyBellyNelly · 30/06/2022 20:12

Just add - we have lots of children and grandchildren and can’t see any reason at all for making life harder for them when we can help make it easier.

hollyandsue · 30/06/2022 20:16

Yes, we do. 2 DCs in their 20s. We're not high earners but are lucky enough to have paid off our mortgage so have some spare money. We help with big bills when we can and I often send them some money. It's so hard no

hollyandsue · 30/06/2022 20:18

Grrr pressed send too soon!
It's so hard now for everyone and I like to help them as much as we can.

Raow · 30/06/2022 20:20

Kids are pampered nowadays, mine included.

hellcatspangle · 30/06/2022 20:20

Yes...we tend to treat them when we go out, take them away occasionally etc.

Rumplestrumpet · 30/06/2022 20:22

Not me but my mum - helped me and my sister out a lot when we were in our 20s and has continued to help my sister into her 40s (I've been financially comfortable for some time so don't need anything from her).

If I'm honest I'd rather my mum spent more money in herself but I know she wants to ease my sister's stresses in life and finance has been a persistent one - also she rightly feels my sister shouldn't be punished for being a good person - she works hard but she and her partner are low-paid key workers whose salaries just aren't enough to live a decent life. So my mum supplements them a bit.

She also treats us all to a holiday once a year, although I pay her back in a roundabout way so my sister doesn't feel bad.

Unihorn · 30/06/2022 20:22

My parents still do for me (I'm in my 30s, they're in their 60s). I do always try to pay for coffee, meals, stuff for my children etc. when we're out but they're very insistent. I even transfer money to them and they either send it straight back or buy something else for us!

User74936782 · 30/06/2022 20:26

If DS (30) come out with us we always pay for food and stuff like that as we are retired with no mortgage and you can't take it with you. We are all middle income or at least DH and I were before retiring

Dirtylittleroses · 30/06/2022 20:28

Yea of course, as we are a family, they are always my kids, and what I have is partly theirs, I would never see them struggle whilst I don’t.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 30/06/2022 20:30

If I had the spare cash I would more often. I do treat them "just because" when I can. One lives at home and the other doesn't.

Stopthebusplease · 30/06/2022 20:32

Sadly, I don't do this as my daughter has got herself into a LOT of debt, and having helped her out previously, I feel that by bailing her out because she's too irresponsible to manage her money, I won't be doing her any favours.

DuesToTheDirt · 30/06/2022 20:33

Yes we do (early 20's, earning). We pay for meals etc. when we go out, we take them on holiday and pay for everything. One lives away and is a low earner, so I pay her train fares for visits home.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/06/2022 20:36

My parents have never been this type. They wait for me to get my wallet out these days! Any money they have lent me has been in the condition a direct debit is set up. They have been mortgage free and retired for 25 years and live in a 5 bedroom detached house.

I rent… I do love them but they are clueless in many ways.

FatEaredFuck · 30/06/2022 20:38

Can all the nice people on this thread adopt me please! Thank you Gin

whiteroseredrose · 30/06/2022 20:40

My DM still wants to treat me to new clothes and I'm 56!

SmellyNelliey · 30/06/2022 20:41

I'm in my 20s with children my parents don't give me any money or help out but if we visit they will buy in odd bits that me and the children like,we also do this for them when they come to ours.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/06/2022 20:41

And just remembered, the last time I went out for lunch with my parents (NT place), my dad went to order and pay (first time in a good while). He forgot to order for me and we only discovered when the waitress brought the orders over.

I think they love me…

OhFatty · 30/06/2022 20:44

Mine are 21 and 23 and neither live near us. We still spend a lot on birthdays and Christmas, although that will be less from now on, but apart from that we don’t spend much at all. Reading this thread has made me feel quite bad about that, but my personal financial circumstances aren’t great (self employed, and currently struggling), and my husbands been picking up the slack. There’s not a lot left over.

They're both in full time work, and managing ok without our help. If there was an emergency we’d do what we could, of course, but I think it’s probably good they’re self sufficient.

Theblondestoftheblonde · 30/06/2022 20:46

Yes. We pay for their phones, often do shopping for the student dc, give them £50 every now and then, pay for holidays if they come with us.

Babyroobs · 30/06/2022 20:46

We have 3 adult ds's and yes they still get quite a bit of help. My eldest ds has been using my decent car since lockdown as I was wfh and not using it but now he is totally reliant on it to get to his job. Somehow we still pay for MOT, service etc though. second Ds aged 21 is pretty good and self reliant, DS3 only just finished education and hopefully off to Uni in september so no doubt will still get some help for a while. They still all get a takeaway paid for them on a friday night also.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/06/2022 20:46

I love to treat my DS. He's 40. I was a single parent and we had some really tough and skint years while I was getting my career going and we had nothing, he was so good and never complained.
I just bought him a house and he was so happy. He hated renting.