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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you have adult DC, do you still spend a lot of money on them?

236 replies

QwestionThyme · 30/06/2022 19:56

I.e. when you're out will you buy their food, treat them to things ect.. or do you not really spend much money on your adult DC now? (By adult I don't mean 18 year old, but like adult 20s +, maybe married, own kids)

And if you have grandchildren do you spend a lot of money on them too?

OP posts:
JellyBellyNelly · 02/07/2022 14:30

Onlyforcake · 02/07/2022 14:09

No, they don't give me any support?!. I'd be embarrassed to take money off them. It's extremely patronising of all these parents to be subbing their children as adults why do you think they are so incapable of running their own lives?

I think you’ll find the children of the posters who are helped by their parents have very successful lives because of the support their families give them which for most of them isn’t just financial. They’ll have been supported to succeed from very early on in their lives.

JellyBellyNelly · 02/07/2022 14:35

Lovinglife45 · 02/07/2022 11:06

Onetwothree
Reading your thread has upset me greatly. I feel your pain. I am envious of people who receive financial support from their parents. I stupidly perceive it as them being more loved than I am when it is only because they are comfortable enough to do so.

There is a perceived notion that parents who can indulge their children somehow love them more and I certainly bought into it. Look at the celebrities who openly display all they do for their dc.

No. Honestly. It’s not about loving a child more. In our case for eg it’s all about both me and my husband being on our own in life since we were about 16 and at times not having enough to eat so the last thing we would wish on our children is hardship. Also, life really is too short not to be enjoying it with your family any way you can. Where we live we don’t have things like inheritance tax so that not a reason for us to share what we have now. It really is all about you can’t take it with you and life is way too short in the first place.

Mary46 · 02/07/2022 14:55

No she mean. Xmas is recycled gifts. Yes Im earning but disheartening at birthdays too. Im more hurt for my teen 16. Box biscuits. My friend says her elderly mam is tight too!!

Mary46 · 02/07/2022 14:57

No she mean. Xmas is recycled gifts. Yes Im earning but disheartening at birthdays too. Im more hurt for my teen 16. Box biscuits. My friend says her elderly mam is tight too!!

Mary46 · 02/07/2022 15:05

Hate meanness but they wont change. Its hurtful. My neighbour said her mum spoilt her on her birthday. Hard not to get upset at times.

YourLittleSecret · 02/07/2022 15:25

It's extremely patronising of all these parents to be subbing their children as adults why do you think they are so incapable of running their own lives
Nothing to do with them being incapable. It gives me pleasure to treat them. That's all. Sometimes to mark a special occasion or achievemnet but sometimes for no reason.

I often find on MN that those whose own parents didn't help them resent the fact that others get support from their families both financial and otherwise.

I love my parents dearly but the thought of going away with them on a holiday they had paid for would be a nightmare, I couldn’t live with them 24/7 even if it was only a long weekend.
That's a shame but surely you can see that some people do enjoy their parents company?

WhereIsVillanelleWhenNeeded · 02/07/2022 16:56

I love my parents dearly but the thought of going away with them on a holiday they had paid for would be a nightmare, I couldn’t live with them 24/7 even if it was only a long weekend.
That's a shame but surely you can see that some people do enjoy their parents company?

@YourLittleSecret it’s all good, we get on really well I see them at least twice a week and we talk most days and I take mum shopping every Saturday for her food shop. It’s me and dad, too similar yet with completely different outlooks so although it’s all good natured I don’t need the differing opinions when I’m on my holiday. I want to spend the annual leave I have with my DH and 2DC whilst they still want to come away with us! The irony 🤣
Considering how many people on MN have issues with their in-laws I’m surprised how many people happily go away with family according to this post, some must be more than happy to but I bet there’s a group of families that are only going because they’re not paying and they get babysitters thrown in as a bonus.

fedupathome · 02/07/2022 18:45

This makes me feel really sad. My mum died when I was in my teens , and my dad remarried. Aside from giving me £2000 when I bought a house 11 years ago he has never paid for or bought me anything. No birthday gifts, no financial help in anyway for me or my kids , no phone calls nothing. He will text probably once or twice a year and if I reply he won't text back .

Mary46 · 02/07/2022 18:59

Yes @fedup yes sad when you see other families. My mother is mean.

fedupathome · 02/07/2022 19:06

@Mary46 till reading these posts I never realised how mean my own dad is.
My kids have never even been given a birthday present from him , no phone calls nothing at all.

As a consequence we don't go round to his and are low contact. He has visited me three times in 11 years, and once was because he was passing through and needed to stop over for convenience.

These posts have been me realise how little my parents have ever done for me even as a child.

Mary46 · 02/07/2022 19:18

Not nice at all. I feel like recycling the biscuits back lol. My poor teen had tell her she got nothing. I dont bring my mam away on hols or treat her. Reap what you sow now..

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