To ask, if you have adult DC, do you still spend a lot of money on them?

[QwestionThyme]

I.e. when you're out will you buy their food, treat them to things ect.. or do you not really spend much money on your adult DC now? (By adult I don't mean 18 year old, but like adult 20s +, maybe married, own kids)

And if you have grandchildren do you spend a lot of money on them too?

Yes . My children all in their 20s ,hardworking but don’t have any spare cash for car problems or any unexpected bill so we do help out . They never ask but I am happy to help.
Am taking my daughter and her child on holiday in September,helping my son out with a car and have paid my youngests flight ticket to go travelling after working so hard at Uni .
It’s my pleasure and they are all aware that we will be tightening the purse strings now my husband has retired and with the cost of living.
My Mum was exactly the same and I was always so grateful.

I spend loads on mine ( early 20's) as they're both still finding their feet career wise. I'm more than happy to do it. I'll always be their mum which means helping out in any way I can. If your mum doesn't have your back.. who does?

The PP who said their parents transfer them back the money if they try to pay for themselves made me laugh. That's exactly what my parents do too. I love treating my DC too.

Was just curious what others did as I've still not managed to actually buy my own dinner for example or that of my kids when out with my parents, I don't expect it at all but they insist they love to treat us and won't hear anything about it if we protest!

My parents are very generous with their money as well as their time. We don’t need them to buy us anything really but they’ve made it clear they want to and they can comfortably afford to so I just say thank you and get them things back.

And the 'you'll always be our babies' line too, made me chuckle it's exactly what they say as well.

I spend a small fortune on mine and it gives me great pleasure.

My parents are always helping us out.
My inlaws, who are richer, not so much.

I don't because they are better off than me. Not by a lot it's true but I don't buy many treat things myself.

I'm the adult kid. My mum still spends a lot on me at Christmas and on my daughter as well. She buys small things for my daughter throughout the year like books or t-shirts/dresses. If we go out together, one or the other of us pays for meals and stuff but I'd say it's about equal for that.

I have DC of 29 and 30
I often treat them to coffee, drinks or meals
Other times they pay for me
I frequently lend them lump sums eg car purchase - they always pay back but I don’t charge interest
I’m very generous for Xmas and birthdays
Currently on holiday with DD - I paid for accommodation as if I was on my own would cost same - she paid for own flight, insurance etc and contribution to spending whilst we are away (probably 1/4 of what my budget is)
But she is on a much lower income than me and we missed a 30th birthday bash due to Covid

6 wks! Thats terrible! Where do you live @jellybellynelly?

Yes. Ops thread has made me think about it and it does add up to a lot. DD 45 but although wage good she is sole provider so her income is always stretched. So all the usual like most kids clothes costs half on shoes ext lots for kids but lots more. Kumon for dgd for from year one to end of primary plus one year for dogs who didn't need it so much. Alevel tuition now for dgs at £140 a month. £5 each pocket money for both on direct debit. Several 2 nights away chilling for DD and me. This includes every meal, every drink. Swimming lessons for both kids. £20 a week to help out with food bills or vdiet packs for DD. Cottage for c4 nights for all of us plus 2 dogs at school summer holidays time. 4 holidays abroad paid in full. 3 more where we've gone in summer holidays (more expensive for us? and split the bill in two (they have 16 and 13 year old)often pay full price of meals and drinks out though sometimes we go half. Paid towards school trips and specialist equipment for Duke of Edinburgh ext. Paid £1500 towards a car for work.Jave also offered to go half on new fitted wardrobes for dgc'. Waiting for them to save their half.
No complaints here. As others have said ...you can't take it with you. Two grandparents here on very modest pensions. Mortgage paid and our own needs are modest. Would never have thought of adding it up without this thread. Seems a lot but this is over 20 years so not all at once and some of it was when we were both working. We have one caveat ...A gift is a gift and a loan is a loan. With the car for instance, we paid half and DD set up Direct debit for other half. We always make our intentions clear and we never have any problems with repayments to us and this gives them interest free credit. They are very grateful 😀

Yes. They're all in their 20's, all independent but we love treating them. We spend a lot at Christmas and birthdays Inc partners, take them to center parcs or other short breaks, buy them coffees, drinks and meals out, spa days/days out. They never expect it and are always thankful. I don't want to die rich.

My sons are 40 and 38 - have their own lives, eldest has 2 kids. We pay for meals when we all go out as a family about once every 5 weeks. Birthday presents are usually £50 - £70 each. Christmas £100 - £150 each. Slightly less for their girlfriends but not much. I buy clothes for the grandchildren (11 and 8) at least once a month

What's the goal here? Do you want her to be independent? Why on earth does she have a card on your account when she isn't paying for bills?

I send my 31yr old daughter £200 a month by direct debit to help with paying her rent, because she lives alone in a very expensive city (not London), my husband/her dad sends her £75 a month.

I don't generally for the kids no, however I'll help out if needed, for example my son was laid off work during the first lockdown ( not furlough) and until he was back at work, we paid his mortgage to avoid him getting into arrears.
The grandchildren, oh yes I spoil them. After all, isn't that what adoring grandparents do 🙂

I'm retired and have more disposable income than my kids, who are paying mortgages on tiny but very expensive houses down here in the south (and in one case paying for childcare). They and their partners work very hard, but need to budget carefully.

I love to treat them. They never ask for anything, and never take me for granted. But paying for their coffees or picking up the bill for our meals gives me pleasure. I let them treat me very occasionally because I accept that they want to feel that pleasure in treating me sometimes. But yep. I can afford the little luxuries that they can't.

I get the enhanced winter fuel allowance for the first time this year. I don't need it, but they're going to really notice their increased bills. They don't know it yet, but my allowance is going to be split between them.

I love treating my adult kids. I get so much pleasure from helping them. My own parents were unbelievably tight, so being able to help my kids is wonderful.

DS is 25 and has a good job. I'd still pay for him if we went out for dinner though. We are way better off than him. We'd help out if he needed it but he is pretty independent now. the younger two are still in university and we pay for everything except for what they can pay for with earnings in summers and with campus jobs.

Hahahaha please don't ask my parents this question. All of us siblings are happily married, homeowners, good jobs and my parents would still take us on holiday, buy us lunch, stuff for kids etc. They just like doing it and can afford to.
We are lucky to have a great family.

Yes😩

I earn a significant salary, but my mum still tries to pay when we go out for meals. I usually win the argument but every so often, I let her 'win' as it makes her happy. She spends a fortune on my DCs though - they happily accept whatever money or other presents she buys for them!

Wow, can't believe what some parents pay for! Been financially independent since I headed off for uni age 19 already £100 overdrawn.

Can't imagine why my parents would have ever paid for my mot. Bizarre idea. I treat my mum, take her on holiday, buy her what she might want/need for Christmas and birthdays. Sometimes she pays for a meal and treats the kids but not much and not regularly.

In laws hoarding money apparently for our kids uni and don't know why. They should have a holiday I think.

We don't plan to spend too much on our kids, my bil and sil always been spoilt and in laws buy them washing machines and all sorts of random sundries. They're miserable adult children and don't really work a lot so not sure it's always a good thing. People shouldn't feel guilt about enjoying their earnings themselves

Yes, we help all of ours. We provide childcare and help financially where we can as I would sooner build memories and relationships than bank balances.