To ask, if you have adult DC, do you still spend a lot of money on them?

[QwestionThyme]

I.e. when you're out will you buy their food, treat them to things ect.. or do you not really spend much money on your adult DC now? (By adult I don't mean 18 year old, but like adult 20s +, maybe married, own kids)

And if you have grandchildren do you spend a lot of money on them too?

I'm 30 and my mum absolutely won't let me pay whenever we go out for dinner or drinks. I would love to treat her now and again! But am very grateful, she is wonderful in all sorts of ways.

i'm 65 my 89 year old mother still whips out her wallet to pay for treats (meal out or nice clothing item).
i equally do the same for my trio (37, 39, and 40). life is hard enough and it's not a sacrifice on my end.

Mum still wants to pay (and help me practically) I'm nearly 50. We alternate now

My mum says this, 'it doesn't matter how old you are, you'll always be my babies' (we are 37, 36 & 33) 🤣

I'm married with 2 young DC and my parents spend a lot of money on all of us.

Gosh I'd not dream of allowing my parents to 'treat' me I'm a grown adult with a job and my own household to run 😳 I'd be mortified if my mum was offering to pay at the checkout in a shop! I treat them these days, they've earned it. When we visit as a family we'll take flowers and a dessert.
I'd also not dream of letting my parents but items like essential clothes, shoes, school uniform for my children, they are my children and my financial responsibility.

Single mum, and of course I have helped out - extra curricular education, etc.
never mind the whole shebang

My parents did too (had him for half terms, while I worked etc.).

He's 30.

Was pleasantly surprised (and thrilled) when he paid for the dinner we went out for last week.

It has to be balanced out.

I'm the same. I'm quite shocked at these responses. I take great pride in the fact that everything I have was paid for by me.

i can guarantee you my mother takes great pride herself in being able to treat me. it brings her joy and i will not deny her that opportunity to feel wanted and needed at her age or the camaraderie of shopping together.

Yes I do but I only have 1 child and I’m fortunate that I can afford to spoil / help him out .
My son is 27
when he goes on holiday I normally give him £2-£300 for extra spending
if he goes away for the weekend I will give him £100

I inherited a large amount of money recently and paid of a 10k loan and bought him a 20k car as his car was on his last legs

he works hard but lowish salary

he is buying a flat and has a big deposit from an inheritance but will still have money left over but
But Im covering the cost of all the legal fees conveyancing and will give him money to furnish it so beds wardrobes sofa tv

if we go out for meals I will always pay for him and his partner

I can’t take the money with me so I want him to make his life a bit easier

We buy our grandchildren lots of presents, we pay for meals out and put a certain amount each month in an ISA account for them.
In my opinion, that's what families do. The children might be grown up but they're still our world.

I think I'd feel quite infantilised if my parents were forever whipping out their wallets - as if they thought I couldn't afford it myself! My parents respect that me and my siblings are competent adults that don't need 'paying for'. On a very very rare occasion they will choose to 'host' something eg a meal in a restaurant but it will generally be for a very special occasion which they would like to host in order to choose the venue etc themselves. Our family are all very close but as adults we are very much independent.

Money/gifts are not the only way to cherish your family?

That's lovely - my mum is 90 this year and treats me too - I treat her back by getting her garden magazine subscriptions which she loves but won't buy herself and send her Amazon credit to buy books for her kindle so works both ways

Ds(20) is quite proudly independent in terms of rent, bills, etc (he’s a uni student with two part time jobs) but I’ll treat him and his gf if we meet for coffee or whatever. I’m nearly 40 though and my dad still insists on paying for dinner when they visit! My parents also helped ds but his first car.

Yes, we do.

That's fantastic- good for you, I've always believed that it's better to give now if you can to see them enjoy the money .

Yup, can't take it with you when you go!
Plus inheritance tax is a bitch, better to get the money flowing where you want it to go sooner rather than later.

Isn't it time the children were treating the parents.

This.

Then you have no idea how much pleasure it gives a parent to treat their children. It doesn't matter how old they are, or how independent.

We still spend on both DC despite them being in good financial positions. We have saved up and have invested for their house deposits, weddings etc. Also pay for dinners when we go out and when we holiday together. Our money will be theirs eventually anyway.

My parents put us up when we visit and my mum cooks whatever I want to eat. She gets stuff in for my kids too but I do a grocery shop delivery before we arrive. We then treat them to a meal out or a takeaway. If we go out as a family everyone takes it in turn to pay. I wouldn't expect them to pay each time we go out and it's nice to treat them too. I wouldn't accept money from them. They wouldn't be able to afford to take us on holiday with them but if I go away I'd always offer for them to come and pay for them (they'd more than likely refuse).I'm 35 though, married and 3 kids.

I’m an only child and have an only child, my mum has plenty spare cash and always wants to pay for coffees/cakes/lunch when we are out together and she likes to treat DD to clothes, etc occasionally too.

I try to reciprocate, but she’s very insistent, although sometimes I do insist on paying. I do help her in other ways though and often pick up bits of shopping for her and pay myself (I have a joint account card from her bank for when I shop for her) and I think she gets pleasure from treating us, so it doesn’t feel exploitative.

I would like to be in the position to help/treat DD when she’s an adult too

Yes I do even though I'm on a low income I'll do everything I can
DS1 and 2 breakdown cover petrol
Food shopping as DS1 lives alone
Pay for meals when we meet up
Occasional things like T shirts for their holidays
They're all very appreciative and in no way expect it

lol my DM pays for her own coffee at the garden centre. I offer to pay then she slides me the exact amount of cash. Tight arse her entire life. Buys me nothing nor my kids. She Spends £40 at Xmas £20 for each child 24 and 23 and nothing for my adopted son - because he's not blood. Nothing for me either! I'm so envious of normal families. Trust me I will revel in buying each child a car (all 3) and giving them deposits for homes when I inherit - I will, she's too tight to give it to charity so something will come my way at some point