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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For agreeing to a dog I do not want!

167 replies

Hotair1234 · 30/06/2022 18:59

Just that really. Grew up with big dogs and they just give me the ick, the smell, the poop, the drool, everything.

I know that’s already made me a horrible person but I dont dislike dogs per se, just don’t ever want to live with one. Have cats.

Dd(15) has been desperate for a dog for years. I’ve always been very firm against but recently come up again as her mental health has taken an absolute dive the last few years. Have spent year going on and on about the responsibility/commitment, she’s still keen.

As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre (secretly hoping smell and staff going on about responsibility would be off putting) but I was also aware we might end up with a little dog - like Maltese or chihuahua or something, but she fell in love with a huge bloody collie!!!! 🥺🥺🥺Wouldn’t be swayed by anything cute.

Booked in to go and collect him next week and am completely dreading it. I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week.

Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want?? Has anyone else been here but ended up liking? Help 😭😭😭

OP posts:
RobynNora · 30/06/2022 19:09

Not sure what to say except pull out now. A dog is a lifetime commitment and kids probably won't help as promised and will very soon be flying the nest if she's already 15. That's really unfair on you.

I know a few people who got lockdown pets and had to give them up. It's really hard to find people to take them on. They try to fool themselves they'd be 'rehomed' but I'm aware this is often not true and they get passed around to different people or end up unhappily languishing in a dogs home with a no kill policy. It's very sad and obviously traumatic for the animal.

I'm not much of a dog person myself but feel very sorry for the way they're being treated. It makes me furious to see people treat animals in this way (I'm not saying you would do this)

You sound like a nice mum in a tricky spot but you need to be firm. Call the dog's home and let them know - maybe you can even come up with an excuse together. If she's 15 she'll understand. Appreciate that parents feel guilted into many things but your daughter's mental health is not reason enough for you to take on this enormous responsibility for something you don't want.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 30/06/2022 19:14

No way would i get a dog that i didn't want, you need to phone up and cancel. You can't take on such a huge responsibility and what if your DD gets older and doesnt bother with it leaving it to you or your DD may move out and you could be left with a dog you never wanted. I think it would be wrong to carry on with the commitment knowing how you feel. You have to be honest with your DD.

tomatopsste · 30/06/2022 19:15

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 30/06/2022 19:14

No way would i get a dog that i didn't want, you need to phone up and cancel. You can't take on such a huge responsibility and what if your DD gets older and doesnt bother with it leaving it to you or your DD may move out and you could be left with a dog you never wanted. I think it would be wrong to carry on with the commitment knowing how you feel. You have to be honest with your DD.

This!

Whaleandsnail6 · 30/06/2022 19:16

Be honest with yourself...can you commit to looking after this dog for the next possible 14 years as the adult you will be the one having to step up and care for the dog and all of the sacrifics that brings ( i say this as a dog owner ,I adore my dog but she is a responsibility and a tie) if you can't see yourself happily doing that,you need to pull put now.

VimFuego101 · 30/06/2022 19:18

Honestly, I was the one who wanted our dog most and I still have moments where I feel like we've made a monumental mistake getting him. A collie is a huge commitment, they're very smart and active. It would be better to pull out now than to have to re home him later.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 30/06/2022 19:19

Your DD does Not Need a Dog. Pull out now or you will be lumbered with another living thing way after your 15 year old has left home.

ChickpeaFlour · 30/06/2022 19:20

I would also think about the dog in this not just your DD as it doesn’t sound like you’d necessarily love this dog and this would hardly be fair when presumably you’d be the main dog carer or with her most

NoSquirrels · 30/06/2022 19:23

Please please please don’t do this.

If you feel strongly getting a dog is what you will do for your DD’s mental health, OK.

But the compromise MUST be that you get final veto over the size and type of dog.

Otherwise your mental health will be in the toilet next.

A rescue collie should not be considered suitable for your home, as first time owners.

Please have an honest conversation with your DD that this dog is not the one.

Whodoiwanttobe · 30/06/2022 19:25

No! Don’t be so ridiculous! It’s so cruel to do this… please cancel and have a massive re think.

user1469032438 · 30/06/2022 19:26

Not a collie! I love dogs, I have a dog, I absolutely under no circumstances would have a collie (DH wanted a collie and I said I would have no dog before we had a collie) collies need hours, I mean HOURS of walking a day, they also need other stimulai and I live in a farming area where many people have collies and they aren't family pets, I would say 60% of collies I know aren't good with children (15 isn't a child but I don't know if you have younger children and the dog will obviously meet children)

Agreeing to a dog to help your DD is fine, even a dog ypu aren't enamoured with but please please research the breed first.

NrlySp · 30/06/2022 19:26

Don’t do it. And especially don’t get a collie. They are beautiful dogs. However they are a working breed, dislike changes in routine.
go with you gut - afterall you will mostly be looking after this dog. Not your daughter. If she really wants access to dogs she should volunteer with a dog shelter.

BohoInAcapulco · 30/06/2022 19:27

It’ll be extremely traumatic for this poor dog to be rejected a second time if you decide it’s not for you. Some people who are head over heels with the notion of having a dog end up regretting it. You openly hate the idea from the outset so please do the right thing and back out now.
Be honest about your reasons with the rescue centre. They may be able to offer your daughter some voluntary work so she’ll still get the benefit of looking after dogs but you don’t have to be involved

ladycarlotta · 30/06/2022 19:28

A rescue collie is going to need a seriously committed owner. I really don't think it's a good fit if you're this ambivalent-to-unwilling and your daughter's likely to move out in a few years. Collies are active, intelligent, working dogs who will need a huge amount of your time and attention: if you're not going to pull out of having a dog, at least pull out of owning this dog.

Yodaisawally · 30/06/2022 19:28

Please pull out now. It will be you looking after it, not her and the poor dog will end up in rescue again.

LetitiaLeghorn · 30/06/2022 19:28

Do not do this. Its very unfair. Your daughter will likely be leaving home in a few years and you will end up with a dog which you will resent. I don't really care about you, but I do care that the dog may end up in a bad situation with maybe even looking at being rehomed as an oldie. Then it's so much harder for them to adjust, never mind get a home and it could end up being put to sleep.
You're the grown up in the situation. So say no.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2022 19:30

Sorry, but I think this would be a crazy thing to do. Your daughter will be an adult soon and have her own life -this dog will be your responsibility for years and years to come.

Poo, drool, dog hair everywhere, fleas, worming tablets, walks in the cold and
wet, vets bills, kennel costs, having to come home early from days out because of the dog, monthly pet insurance, the works.

megletthesecond · 30/06/2022 19:30

You can't get it. A rescue collie would be very hard work.

jammywagonwheel · 30/06/2022 19:30

Totally agree with other posters. A dog is a massive responsibility, especially a collie. They are bright and need lots of exercise and stimulation otherwise they become destructive. For the dogs sake please don't do this unless you are fully ready to accept all of the highs and lows of pet ownership. Maybe your DD can volunteer at the rescue centre ? I understand how upset you are and how you wish to do anything to help her feel better, but an unloved dog becomes a burden and the guilt won't help her.

Mally100 · 30/06/2022 19:31

I wouldn't ever get a dog because of the huge commitment. We had one growing up and I'm put off for life. Your dd will be off soon and you will be left taking care of it. So I think you should let her know that you have decided against it.

RandomMess · 30/06/2022 19:31

A collie - high energy and super brainy.

Put your foot down and say you will only consider a placid chilled breed

wwyd2021medicine · 30/06/2022 19:31

No don't do it
Consider never being able to leave your house for more than 4 hours without organising dog care
Not being able to go on holiday without a lot of arrangements
Not being able to attend eg weddings without dog provision.
She's 15. She'll be off probably in 3 years or so.
I had a life of constantly rushing home for the dog. Always in my mind thinking how long she'd be alone and not being spontaneous- eg after a day at work (with 2 hours dog sitting) I couldn't just decide to go out to dinner or go to the cinema that evening because of the dog.
Don't do it
Especially a collie 😳
I loved my baby so much but it's not easy

Vikinga · 30/06/2022 19:33

Only get a dog if you really want one as it will be you looking after it. And I say that as a dog lover. My dog is 5 and my 4 kids have wanted a dog since they were tiny but we had cats. When the last one died they kept pestering for one. I got a dog 5 years ago and for the first year my daughter who is obsessed with animals took really good care of him. But then she because a teenager with a social life and as mice as she loves him, her schedule is packed - school, job, huge social life. The other kids love him but aren't interested in the daily walks.

Now getting him has been the best thing for me because I adore dogs and he's my little companion as I work from home most of the time. But no way would I recommend getting a dog unless you want one and really love them.

bellac11 · 30/06/2022 19:35

Collies are not pets, they are working dogs, if they're not working they need to be with families who are absolutely committed, understand and can engage such a hardwired worker, they can also be very anxious dogs. They need huge amoutns of exercise. If you are not a dog person you should not do this, its cruel and irresponsible. You need to cancel now.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 30/06/2022 19:36

Obviously I don't know you OP, but I can nonetheless promise you this is the single worst idea you've had in your life.

hattie43 · 30/06/2022 19:37

You are not suitable dog owners .
Leave the dog at the rescue where he can be adopted by people who will love him