For agreeing to a dog I do not want!

[Hotair1234]

Just that really. Grew up with big dogs and they just give me the ick, the smell, the poop, the drool, everything.

I know that’s already made me a horrible person but I dont dislike dogs per se, just don’t ever want to live with one. Have cats.

Dd(15) has been desperate for a dog for years. I’ve always been very firm against but recently come up again as her mental health has taken an absolute dive the last few years. Have spent year going on and on about the responsibility/commitment, she’s still keen.

As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre (secretly hoping smell and staff going on about responsibility would be off putting) but I was also aware we might end up with a little dog - like Maltese or chihuahua or something, but she fell in love with a huge bloody collie!!!! 🥺🥺🥺Wouldn’t be swayed by anything cute.

Booked in to go and collect him next week and am completely dreading it. I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week.

Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want?? Has anyone else been here but ended up liking? Help 😭😭😭

Ok so I suspect you didn't want advise about actually making a terrible mistake but if we know people who have made a similar mistake and ended up liking the dog.

No. Never. And especially not an extremely demanding breed like a collie. They all bitterly regret it and wish they had asked and taken advise to cancel and completely rethink their life choices.

14 years with an animal you don't like and come to resent is a huge burden on yoh (you don't seem to care about the dog).

So o, you won't end up liking the dog, you'll regret it.

Is it common for children to be accepted to go into strangers houses and be charged with walking their dog?

Poor dog.😔🐕.

They are intelligent.he already is in a rescue.wondering what he's done wrong to be left there.
You take him,he's happy (ish,will know you don't want him)
Then gets discarded when you can't cope.
Tell your dd no.take her on holiday instead.
Let the rescue know asap.

What happens to this huge collie if your daughter goes away to university in three years’ time?

Of course you shouldn’t get a dog you don’t want or like, and particularly not a large collie that will need a huge amount of exercise, attention and grooming.

I don’t care how much your daughter wants a dog: you should NEVER get a child of any age a dog as a reward, a bribe or because you think they ‘need’ one to cheer them up a bit. And if you do get a child a dog, they absolutely do not get to choose one just because they think it looks appealing; they get to choose one that is right for your lifestyle. It is a dog that has its own needs, not a bloody Build-A-Bear.

OP I came under huge pressure from the children 5/6 years ago to get a dog when eldest was a similar age to your DD.

DH was happy with the idea having had his own dog when growing up and very fond memories (though interestingly MIL's recollections "varied" having had to pick up much of the work of looking after "his" dog ).

I've never had a dog but grown up around working dogs as a result of the farming arm of my family.

Upshot was a colleague from work was going abroad for 2 weeks in the school holiday and I offered to look after the dog. Win/win on her saving kennel fees and me "testing" having a dog in the family.

The rules were it was the children's dog and their responsibility. To walk, feed and clean up after (though obviously DH and I would supervise to ensure the dogs welfare).

Their enthusiasm lasted a week. Then it descended into endless squabbles between them as to whose turn it was to to what. Happy to play with the dog but not get up and walk it in the morning etc etc...

I refused to get involved and told DH to referee the situation as he was "team dog".
By day 9 he was "team no dog" as he became default owner (which MIL found hilarious and partial karma).

By day 14 everyone in the family was done and happy to wave the dog (who had been well looked after) goodbye.

So, don't do it OP. It won't improve your DD's mental health unless she only gets to do the "good" bits and frankly a Collie is madness.

They are the epitome of a working dog and need a huge amount of exercise - not just a couple of walks a day.

I'm surprised a reputable dog re-homing centre would offer you one.

What have people mis-read?

What advice were you expecting?

• A dog is a huge commitment that 15 year old child can't comprehend.

• you should never get a dog as a present/reward/boost for a child

• a Collie is a totally unsuitable dog for many people. The members of my family who have them are either farmers and they are much loved working dogs or (in the same branch of the family) a dedicated insane fell runner who takes hers out on her daily 10 mile "gentle" runs come rain or shine in preparation for endurance events.

• An unworked Collie will be a very unhappy animal and cause a whole load of destruction around the home.

• essentially if you take this dog you're not resolving your DD's issues. You're creating a whole set of new ones for your DD, yourself and the dog.

OP, I am not a dog person at all. Had never had a dog of my own, although had grown up with them. Did not want a dog.
DD desperately wanted a dog. Faithfully promised to walk dog, pick up it's poop, play with dog, feed dog.
I got a dog, not a working dog, but a family dog, particularly a dog who doesnt shed hair, does not require long walks, doesnt smell really, doesnt drool.
DD did walk dog and pick poop up for 6 months.
Roll forward 3 years, DD NEVER WALKS DOG, NEVER PICKS POOP UP. Occasionally DD feeds and plays with dog.

However, I walk dog 3-5 miles per day and he is not a big dog, I feed him, pick up all his poop, he barks loudly when in the garden, I cant leave him for any more than 4 hours and that's only once in a while, I spend a fortune on groomers, food, flea treatment, worming treatment, pet insurance, not to mention the equipment you need.

Walking my dog every day is great for my mental health, but your DD can benefit from walking without a dog.

If I had my time again, I would give my DD the task of walking 2 miles a day, every day for at least a month, never going out for more than 4 hours, unless it is for school, and making you a cup of tea every evening (as an equivalent to feeding the dog) before I even contemplated getting a dog.
Those are simple requirements, yet you'll find your DD is unlikely to last a month doing them. She will say it will be different if she had a dog. It wont.
The novelty will wear off.

If your daughter has mental health problems and approaching exams, then it’s hard to see how the added stress of caring for an entirely dependent living creature- multiple walks per day, feeding, grooming, training- will be helpful.

A collie isn’t a pet, it’s a working dog. It’s not going to sit about posing for photos all day.

And it’s a rescue dog. It will come with other issues. It may well need vast amounts of extra support and training.

There are other options before you head down this path. Your daughter could look at volunteering in a rescue centre, or for a charity where people walk dogs for elderly / infirm owners, or look after a dog for friends/ family going on holiday. Does her school have a therapy dog scheme?

If you’re happy with cats, then a kitten or rescue cat which your daughter takes responsibility for would be a better option.

To be fair, she said dogs give her the ick. Can you give love and affection to something that gives you the ick?

From a professional pov... as the person who ends up sorting such disasters out.. argh.

With my emotional 15 year old with mental health issues head on... oh gawd.

Could you love this dog - yes, he/she is not the dogs you grew up with, dogs are individuals.

Certain breeds I find absolutely pong, my hound HONKS and frankly he loves honking and likes to build up a heady stench. I love him, thus, I tolerate his stench.

I used to be 100% anti dribble, not all dogs do, I never had one that did until him... again, I adore him, thus his dribble rarely freaks me out (and he can hit the ceiling with it!).

There is some wild bullshit being discussed in this thread - collies are rarely HUGE, not all collies are working collies and many are xbred with other things. Working types that end up in rescue and rehomed to the general public tend to be crap at working, hence being where they are. The ones that are great workers get rehomed to working homes, mostly.

If that isn't the case - whilst working dogs DO need lots of exercise and training, that isn't the hard part. The hard part is that most of them are not well equipped to cope with the busy constant to and fro of pet dog life. Being a PET dog is in many respects a MUCH harder job than sleeping in a kennel for 14 hours, going out and rounding up some sheep for 6 hours then back to doze in your kennel/chew a bone/sleep/etc.

So providing chill out time, quiet, stress free periods, avoiding too much busy busy, teaching your dog to relax - those things are important to do and will do a working bred dog FAR more good than trying to exercise his legs off! (All that will do is create an ever fitter dog who can withstand even more exercise!)

Couple of books you should get:

Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy by Steve Mann
Dog Behaviour and Training Solutions by Sally Bradbury, Emma Judson, Jo Maisey et. al. (produced by the admins of the Dog Training Advice and Support Group from fb) (both available on amazon and as kindle options).

Those will give you some common sense approaches, (ignore that its not a puppy, approach things as if this is a puppy), and a whole TON of info to dip in and out of as and when needed and some useful stuff to read BEFORE you pick up new dog.

Prepare for this to take a year. At least. To get from rescue dog to easy going family pet.

New dogs unpack baggage slowly, as they get more secure, new stuff pops up... you think they've got it, they settle in more.. new stuff pops up.

You need to impress upon your DD that the new dog needs stability, security, a predictable and stable home. That means her, SHE must be stable, secure, dependable etc. He will rely on her - she cannot flake out.

Good luck OP. You're going to need it, this is do-able if you want to do it. I wouldn't advise it... but if you're doing it anyway, good luck!

Please don’t do this to the poor dog. He should go to a home where he’s adores and loved, not resented.

Collies are hard work and certainly not an easy low stress breed. But..

I didn’t really want our collie. I was conned into it by the rest of the family over lockdown. I am not an inexperienced dog owner, but didn’t want a demanding dog at that time. Everyone else was so keen though, and it was a bit now or never if we were going to get another dog due to DH being at home for a year and a half through the pandemic and therefore able to see it through the puppy stage.

anyway, I love her and she’s my best friend. She’s actually more my dog than anyone else’s. So you may grow to love the dog. But you may not. Think carefully about it. Will you be happy to have the dog around if your dd looses interest, or when she goes off to uni? Depending on the age of the dog you could have it for years.

So, dogs give you the’ick’, you have cats, your dd is getting a rescue collie because it’s As a reward for shy hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre*, and you think that’s a good idea?
Quite honestly it’s a recipe for complete disaster with the poor dog losing out completely.
A dog isn’t a ‘reward’ for anything for god’s sake 🤬😡
I know 2 collies locally, both with different experienced owners and both are challenging- these were bought as pups so no previous problems. You getting a rescue one with probable issues is irresponsible and unfair on everything, including your cats.

Yabu for getting a dog that you dont want when ahe is 15. She might move out in 2years and your stuck with the dog . For the next ten years!!!!!

Should have said no.
Actually. Still say no.just say no
Get her a goldfish.

Your poor cats!!! And I don't think it's fair on the dog to take it home if the likely de facto care giver is not a dog fan. Esp if it's a collie as they're quite active and clever so they get bored.

I would pull out with the rescue and tell Dd they've decided you're unsuitable or a more suitable home popped up. The only other thing can thing of is to tell her you've researched collie care and you hope she's happy with the new daily routine you've sketched out for her, to help her plan caring for HER dog and balancing school, homework etc. Any attempts to bounce back onto you- no dd, collie is your responsibility. YOU wanted him so if you can't do this, we won't get him.

I don't like dogs much, certainly not enough to own one and DP is phobic of them and hates them. One of things greatly appreciate about him is that he'll never try and make me own a dog.

No you will not end up liking owning a dog, you might be fine if the dog itself but not the ownership of it. You will resent that and frankly choosing a high need dog like a collie is madness and it will not end well. Then when you return it to the rescue that poor dog will have been rejected once again and its chances of finding a forever home are reduced further.

So in answer to your question you are being unreasonable and you will regret it, because in my experience passingly few people who get a dog under duress go on to form a strong bond with that dog.

Rather than commit to rehoming a dog you don’t want for all the reasons already given, could your DD volunteer at the shelter once she turns 16? Volunteering can be such a positive thing for mental health and she’d still get plenty of dog contact (but you’d have to make sure the shelter owner/manager knew to say no if DD offered to take any home with her!)

YABU to imply that collies are not cute! They are the most adorable dogs, so beautiful. BUT - they are a lot of hard work, they are incredibly intelligent and need a lot of stimulation. I grew up with a collie and he was an amazing dog, such a character. He couldn’t really be left alone though, he would get destructive and would howl.

I now have a chihuahua cross and she’s the best dog I’ve ever known. She has about a 40 minute walk in the morning and then a short 15 minute walk in the evening and the rest of the time she just chills with me, she’s my little shadow and I adore her!

Have you sat down with DD and worked out who is doing what?

The dog will need at least a 20 minute walk every single morning and another one in the afternoon ( this is absolute bare minimum our dog needs 2 hrs a day or he gets a bit antsy).

I know it's a rubbish situation and I know that you just wanted to make your DD happy, but this is not the way to go.

If you get this dog it will be back at the rescue within 6 months, do you want that on your conscience?

And no - to answer your original question- we got a dog, I didn't want a dog, love the dog but I wish we hadn't. Costs a bloody fortune with food, dog walking vets, holiday care and means when DH goes away I can't meet friends for long and my day is taken up with dog walking. At least when he is here he's the primary owner, I could not cope with the responsibility and time by myself.

Speaking from experience, I wouldn't get it. As in, I let myself be talked into a dog by my husband and kids, and pretty much from day 1 all training, walking, poo picking up, vet taking, feeding, blah tedious blah, was on me. They are a huge chore and mental burden (unless you just really love doing stuff with dogs I guess). That dog died young due to health issues and I will never, under any circumstances, get another one!

Op. If you are going to rescue the dog this morning asks them two questions. Is the dog good with other dogs. And how is the dog around traffic. A lot of collies are either frightened or try to herd traffic and it makes it difficult to walk them on a pavement. These are two things that you need to know before you take on the dog. As they are two things that could make it difficult for a first time owner. It may be an amazing dog who bonds with your daughter and they do tricks and agility together. I hope so anyway

Oh gosh OP, you have to pull out! Collies are extremely active and need a lot of mental stimulation it’ll be so hard!

I got a dobie with lots of research etc and at points I was crying - lovely dog now and wouldn’t change her for the world but it’s really hard!

If you're trying to 'bribe' your dd with the dog, I can tell you from experience that it won't work. My dd is under camhs, and I have tried all sorts of bribery over the last few years. Each becoming more and more out of proportion to the task - at one point I was offering roughly £1000 worth of gadgetry and games if she would go to school for a day. Desperation makes you try anything!

We have two new animals for the same reason.

Having said that, a pet that gives her unconditional love without pressure or judgement, and I know that my dd finds some comfort in that. But a collie is a high energy dog, and unless she is going to be capable of looking after its high energy needs, it may be better to steer her towards more of a couch potato. My dd couldn't cope with a high energy breed, because walking it might mean she'd have to talk to other dog walkers and she would panic. She couldn't volunteer in a rescue centre for the same reason.

Not all families suit every breed of dog, and that's OK. If you think you both won't cope, would she be open to revisiting and perhaps asking which dog has been there longest, which had the most extensive vet treatment, or the oldest? I ask because I know my dd would get a sense of accomplishment from taking on the animal with the least chance of adoption, and with mental health its all about baby steps to build them up.

@Hotair1234 You wrote "I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week." It just doesn't seem reasonable that you feel obliged to do this.

Even if the dog was everything that she needs, which I suspect is not the case, you are not obliged to have something you hate the idea of in your home. In not that many years, your DD will be an independent adult and able to get a dog of her own.

Until then, can she form a closer relationship with a neighbour or friend's dog, volunteer at a shelter, get a job at a kennels, or work on borrow my doggie?

I was in a similar situation 8 years ago although DD was younger. We got a pair of 5 year old dogs.
I love them to bits. At first I was really worried and couldn’t sleep for a couple of nights. I guess lots of people get puppy regret. After a while one was ill and vet feared it was pancreatic cancer (it wasn’t fortunately). I was surprised to be a tearful, distressed owner like on every vet programme.
I took them on accepting they’d be my responsibility. DD has taught them some tricks, really loves them but is going to university this year.
they are whippets though so famously easy to live with (not for cats and we don’t have one).
Good luck. I do hope it works out well for the dog and for you both.