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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For agreeing to a dog I do not want!

167 replies

Hotair1234 · 30/06/2022 18:59

Just that really. Grew up with big dogs and they just give me the ick, the smell, the poop, the drool, everything.

I know that’s already made me a horrible person but I dont dislike dogs per se, just don’t ever want to live with one. Have cats.

Dd(15) has been desperate for a dog for years. I’ve always been very firm against but recently come up again as her mental health has taken an absolute dive the last few years. Have spent year going on and on about the responsibility/commitment, she’s still keen.

As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre (secretly hoping smell and staff going on about responsibility would be off putting) but I was also aware we might end up with a little dog - like Maltese or chihuahua or something, but she fell in love with a huge bloody collie!!!! 🥺🥺🥺Wouldn’t be swayed by anything cute.

Booked in to go and collect him next week and am completely dreading it. I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week.

Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want?? Has anyone else been here but ended up liking? Help 😭😭😭

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 30/06/2022 19:38

I have to agree with PP, you need to pull out of this, I have a 13 month old collie and hes hard work at times - you dont mention how old he is but if hes in rescue then hes 99% going to have issues and will take lots of time and dedication from you.

DelosParks · 30/06/2022 19:39

You are mad if you think you aren't going to get stuck with all of the walks and everything else.m

NoSquirrels · 30/06/2022 19:41

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 30/06/2022 19:36

Obviously I don't know you OP, but I can nonetheless promise you this is the single worst idea you've had in your life.

Please listen!

Rescue collie, teen with shaky mental health, adult who hates dogs - it’s a recipe for disaster, it really is.

StarDolphins · 30/06/2022 19:41

Please please don’t give a dog a chance at a home with this level of non commitment & dread. It’s so not fair on the dog. Dogs should be absolutely wanted & nothing less.

find other ways to help your DD.

userxx · 30/06/2022 19:42

I'm not quite sure how it even got to this point. You're the parent, take control of the situation.

My dad wouldn't even let me get a rabbit as he thought they lived too long, it was hamsters for me.

Panicmode1 · 30/06/2022 19:43

Adding to the clamour saying don't do it....how old is the collie? They are HUGELY high maintenance due to their intelligence (my friend has two and walks and plays with them for at least 3+ hours a day and they are still full of beans) - so a rescue one will have issues and need a huge amount of work and reassurance.

Please do the right thing by the dog and leave it at the rescue. You have to REALLY want a dog - they are a massive commitment, a huge cost and a total pain in the arse in the winter when they are muddy, wet, and need towelling after every walk.....I adore my dog, but it is a lot of work and I'd resent it if I didn't want the dog and my children lost interest/left home....

megletthesecond · 30/06/2022 19:43

I will add that I understand where you are coming from if your DD has had mental health problems. We've had school refusal and self harm in this house. DD wants a dog, I get asked most days and I would love a dog but it's not practical and will never happen.

InChocolateWeTrust · 30/06/2022 19:44

Do. Not. Do. It.

If you don't want to just explain to your teen you dont want the dog, go rub stinging nettles all over your arms. Show DD rash. Tell her you'll need an allergy test. Say you are actually allergic to dogs and explain that as a result you can't get the dog. It's possible to live with them and be ok then have a gap without and lose your tolerance of them.

Pantsomime · 30/06/2022 19:44

Collie= working farm dog. If you don’t have animals to round up and a few hectares you are nuts to consider this. The dog will destroy your home, become nippy and be really sad, it’s cruel - don’t make your daughter feel worse by having to return it once the reality sets in

ladydimitrescu · 30/06/2022 19:44

It's an absolute terrible idea.
There are other ways to help your DD, and this isn't it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/06/2022 19:45

A dog, especially this dog, isn’t the answer to her issues. If you were allergic you’d find something else for her.

I don’t like dogs, any size, I won’t ever live with one. You’d be doing all the care which from more knowledgable posts sounds very intensive, and what if it doesn’t comfort/distract/fix her as you’re hoping?

Others have made good points about the unfairness on the dog too but why are you getting dragged along with this and not respecting your own perfectly valid feelings?! And how will your cats feel? They’re already in your family.

Get her another cat.

Ishacoco · 30/06/2022 19:46

My dd had very rocky mental health for a few months, culminating in a few days stay in ICU after an overdose. She asked for a kitten and we got one, it's been the best thing for her and really helped her recovery.

So I agree with the sentiment but perhaps not the dog or the breed. It's a tough one and I suspect that you can't pull out now because your dd will be devastated.

Nandocushion · 30/06/2022 19:47

Pull out now! What about when DD's mental health means she's unable to walk and take care of it? And what about when she leaves home in a few years?

And what about your poor cats? Just say no. She can volunteer for a shelter.

Nocutenamesleft · 30/06/2022 19:47

Oh god

DONT GET IT!!

I’ve fostered dogs. Worked with dogs. Had dogs and a collie is a difficult breed UNLESS you’ve got the time for it. It’s a working dog and it needs to be worked….

HOWEVER if you’ve got the time. Commitment and money. Then go for it

but this sounds like an absolute disaster

Onehappymam · 30/06/2022 19:48

This is a bad idea!

My kids were desperate for dog. 6 months later and all the work is left to me! My eldest daughter is autistic and wanted the dog more than anyone. She waged a campaign to convince me to get one, but now she's not interested.

I had visions of her training the dog and taking it for walks. At the very least I thought it would get her out of the house more. But I do all the walking and she stays at home.

PassThePringles · 30/06/2022 19:48

I never wanted a specific breed of dog but my dc were desperate for one. They (13&14 year old) swore they'd walk him/feed/train him etc. Had him almost a year now and can count the number of times they've walked him alone on one hand. They believed he'd be sleeping with them and doing all the cute TikTok things. Novelty soon wore off but I've fell in love with him. He's been hard work compared to any others I've had. He's (meant to be!) a low energy breed too.

Collies are high energy dogs from what I know, it'd be a shame for the dog if it doesn't get all the exercise and mental stimulation it needs. I think it's sounding like a bad idea for you...

On the one hand, she might be responsible enough to put alot of time walking it and possibly sleepless nights when the dog doesn't settle straight away. She would be taking it out when it's dark and windy in winter. Picking its mess up daily etc. You might even love it (I'm the opposite, grew up with cats and won't ever have one although I don't dislike them)

On the other hand, maybe you'll resent it jumping up at you, maybe she'll be less responsible and use her mental health as a reason/excuse why she doesn't want to pick its poop up/walk it for three days straight etc. It's not really fair for the poor thing to be taken into a home just to be returned back after a month.

Only you know how to deal with this, deep down how happy are you with the situation. You compromised by going to have a look then ended up getting a bigger dog than you were comfortable with... It does sound like it's been rushed into imo... Perhaps fostering a dog would have gave you abit more breathing space and her abit more real life experience before committing to adoption. I'm a dog lover but from what you've said, I'm swaying more towards the 'it doesn't sound ideal atm' camp. Whatever you choose to do, I hope things work out.

rainyskylight · 30/06/2022 19:50

Can’t your DD look into dog walking or those borrow-my-doggie companies instead? This is insane!!!!

Chikapu · 30/06/2022 19:52

Worst idea ever! I assume most of the care will be down to you and you don't want to do it so stop this before it's too late.

Jellybean23 · 30/06/2022 19:52

You shouldn't have the dog. DD will be upset and you'll be the worst mother in the world for a while but stick to your guns.

Ginger1982 · 30/06/2022 19:54

Poor dog! Don't get him if you're not committed. Come on!

Happenchance · 30/06/2022 19:54

Are your cats used to dogs? They could trigger his herding instinct if they run away from him.

I imagine that it would be worse for your daughters' mental health to have to return the dog than to have never gotten it in the first place. And I'm almost certain that being returned will have a detrimental effect on the dog's mental health.

SeeSawDaw · 30/06/2022 19:55

I love dogs - I have a dog. But I cannot imagine what the rescue are thinking letting you adopt a collie. Did they talk you through what was needed for the breed?

If you haven't already, research the breed. Read up on the Dog House on here. Can you all commit to the training a working dog will need?

Consider the cost too, not just feeding but monthly worming/flea treatment, yearly jabs, bedding, toys and training treats.

APJ1 · 30/06/2022 19:56

Your daughter will get over not having this dog. The dog, on the other hand, will probably be (further?) traumatised if it ends up going back to the rescue centre further down the line.

I agree with the posters suggesting volunteering at the rescue centre.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/06/2022 19:56

Which rescue have you gone to, OP?

Most that I'm aware of have really stringent pre-visits and criteria.

What have they said when they've gone through those with you?

Frazzled2207 · 30/06/2022 19:58

Wow sorry you need to pull out. We had a collie and we loved her to bits she was an enormous commitment, hours of walks for years.