For agreeing to a dog I do not want!

[Hotair1234]

Just that really. Grew up with big dogs and they just give me the ick, the smell, the poop, the drool, everything.

I know that’s already made me a horrible person but I dont dislike dogs per se, just don’t ever want to live with one. Have cats.

Dd(15) has been desperate for a dog for years. I’ve always been very firm against but recently come up again as her mental health has taken an absolute dive the last few years. Have spent year going on and on about the responsibility/commitment, she’s still keen.

As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre (secretly hoping smell and staff going on about responsibility would be off putting) but I was also aware we might end up with a little dog - like Maltese or chihuahua or something, but she fell in love with a huge bloody collie!!!! 🥺🥺🥺Wouldn’t be swayed by anything cute.

Booked in to go and collect him next week and am completely dreading it. I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week.

Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want?? Has anyone else been here but ended up liking? Help 😭😭😭

Collies don’t just need physical exercise, and lots of it, they need mental stimulation too. They’re very intelligent and really working dogs. Could well live to 15/16. Is your dd going to take the dog off to Uni or wherever she chooses when she leaves home?
I can 100% see how a dog might help your daughter mental health but it’s an awful lot to put on a dog you really don’t want.
Is there any chance your daughter could volunteer at the rescue centre at weekends? Might help her and also she’ll lea4n about different breeds, training etc..,

Here to agree with everyone else. We have a rescue dog, our 4th. She came from the same rescue as the previous one and we are big supporters of this small charity rescue.

This, like all rescues, is full of abandoned, returned after one day, abused, mistreated dogs. Dogs are a massive commitment, especially large, working dogs.

If you don't devote lots of time - for the rest of its life - to training and exercising this dog, it will not go well. And you'll end up returning it, which will further traumatise the dog.

Pull out NOW.

Imagine how devastated the daughter will be if they get the dog, cant manage the dog, dog gets nippy, bites someone, is uncontrolled and has to be put down.

OP needs to pull out now.

How old is the dog?

if it’s an older dog, at least 10, i would possibly consider it. Although you’d have to factor in your dd’s mental health for when it dies.

i can’t believe the rescue is letting you pick it up in a week! Have they asked any questions? Done a home check? Do you live rurally?

i’d be inclined to tell dd that the rescue have found a lovely farm home for it, or they’ve done the home check any your house isn’t suitable.

unfortunately small cute dogs in rescue are very rare. I tried for 2 years, ended up with a 6 month old failed show dog from a local woman who bred to show.

Speaking as someone else who was pressurised by the rest of the family into getting a dog she didn’t want - I strongly advise you to bail now. I honestly regret getting our dog every single day. No matter what assurances you get, believe me, the majority of the care will end up falling to you and dogs are extremely hard work (especially collies). Everyone in a household has to be 100% on board with getting a dog, otherwise you end up like me - resentful and full of regret for allowing yourself to be pushed into it.

I love dogs. And I am still never, ever getting one. They are too much work. I would agree with encouraging your DD to volunteer at a dog shelter.

I rescued ddog when dd's mental health was bad and she was out of school. She loves dogs and really loves our dog but I took her on in the full knowledge that I would likely be the one walking, feeding and cleaning up after it. She has brought dd a lot of fun, comfort and love but as expected I do all the grunt work. We've had her four years now and she's getting on for thirteen now so she's an old girl. I've no regrets because I had no expectations of dd and was prepared for the expense and the work involved and she is a lovely, well behaved, small, non shedding breed so that helps a lot

What about the cats?

poor cats, be prepared that they will be stressed to hell and may leave home. I work for Cats Protection as a volunteer. We frequently get cats brought in as they don’t get on with a new dog that was brought home. The cat, who was there first, is rejected.

I love collies, our family pet when I was a child was a collie.

A collie is not a first time dog for an inexperienced owner. Very intelligent and need a lot of mental stimulation and exercise.

Remember most children love their dogs but they lose interest in the ongoing commitment of walking, training, exercising, playing, picking up shit within a few --weeks- months. So if YOU don't want the a dog for the next 10+ years don't do it, dogs are really hard work unless you enjoy all the daily long walks in all weathers and in the dark in winter too.

I adore dogs and grew up with collies, currently have a cocker spaniel and cant imagine life without a dog BUT i think you are being completely irresponsible to get any dog when you dont want one especially a collie and i cant believe a rescue would actually rehome a collie to a family like yours. Collies are hard work and take lots of commitment, energy and exercise. A bored collie is a destructive, nippy animal and a collie that is already traumatised by being in a rescue is going to need lots of attention and training.

You have made a terrible, terrible decision. This isn't going to help your daughter at all. It's time to do the responsible thing and tell your daughter you've made a huge mistake and you simply can't get a dog.

Don't do it. You wouldn't let a 15-year-old make major life decisions that will be affecting you for years. In 4 years she'll be off to college and you'll be left looking after the dog. And collies are about the worse breed you can get. To be healthy and to prevent them getting neurotic they need hours of exercise. Say no and let the dog go to home where everyone involved wants it.

CANCEL now. I feel very sorry for the dog.

I love dogs and have two but collies are really intense and full on - I wouldn't have one.

You would be mad to do this

Pull out now

“Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want??”

You were being very unreasonable to use a rescue dog as a “reward” for a hospital visit. Hopefully your DD is more responsible than you.

"As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre"

That was your mistake

Don’t do it. I wanted my DDog but even I’m regretting that decision now. I totally underestimated how much time and effort he would be (& he’s a small dog).

I won’t get rid of him but I’ve told my family (incl DD) that they need to step up as I’ve had enough - he wants my constant attention and just ruined a throw and cushion just this week which is the last of a long list of things he’s destroyed.

A Collie is a big commitment. We researched this breed as we like them but decided we wouldn’t be able to meet it’s needs as they need a lot of exercise and stimulation.

Compromise is the key. She will need a small dog that needs as much love as it gives to curl up on her bed. Small walks only so small breed and no not a terrier. Older dog maybe and not a puppy.

would A cat be better though - why a dog and not a cat?
me - I can answer that in a heartbeat but can she?

Me too😢😢

Please don't get this dog we had a rescue collie and he was bloody hard work and nippy this will honestly.not help your dd if you are not on board, I get she has her mh difficulties but you really should say no if you don't want this dog.

I don't like dogs and would never want one, but it's really sad and irresponsible for you to take on a dog that you already don't want. It would be really unfair to that poor dog

@Hotair1234

Pull out. Ring them first thing tomorrow, explain the situation & tell them you absolutely cannot take a dog.

Im sorry DD is in a bad place, but you will HSVE to find a different way to help her.

besudesvthevfsctbthatvYOU don't want a dog and she's 15, so will not be in a position to look after a dog for 10+ years (college/Uni/training/houseshares/travel) & you will have to do it.

It is NOT fair on ANY dog, let alone one who has been abandoned at least once, to be placed in a home where the ADULT feels like this.

collies are, generally speaking, very hard work, even for seasoned, enthusiastic owners. Not AT ALL suitable for a teenager & reluctant mother.

Its going to be hard to tell her 'No' after saying yes & I'd fully expect her to properly kuck off & tell you you're the worst mother in the world rah rah rah and I understand her being angry & upset BUT sometimes being a parent is fucking hard.

I hope you can find something else to help her get back on track & that she gets well soon 🌷

I’m going against the grain a little here, but what type of collie?

A border collie, no way! There are two breeds I would never recommend for first time dog owners which are border collies and beagles. They need constant stimulation and if you aren’t working them in some way, even if just fly ball, they are unmanageable

BUT, a rough collie or bearded collie might not be such a disaster. But you have to want to have a dog too

Slightly against the grain here but I was in a similar situation where my dd (who has struggled with various issues health and social issues all of her life) was absolutely desperate for a dog. She loves animals and has always gravitated towards dogs in particular.

I said no for 13 years but when she turned 13 my job changed and I was able to work from home a bit more so it felt like it was more doable.

We got a terrier puppy as I didn't want a big dog but did want a dog that was sturdy, fun and trainable. I went for a puppy so that we could be sure it was well socialised and trained.

Dd has kept her promise of keeping up with the training and day to day dog related jobs (feeding, playing and walking him) for three years now.

I didn't think I was a dog person but do genuinely love him and am so pleased we got him. He kept us sane (well saner then we otherwise would have been) throughout lock down and has helped both of our mental health.

So what I'm saying is getting a dog may be okay but you need to be very clear about what dog you get. A rescue collie sounds like a disaster tbh, they are high energy, high maintenance dogs that need experienced owners.