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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For agreeing to a dog I do not want!

167 replies

Hotair1234 · 30/06/2022 18:59

Just that really. Grew up with big dogs and they just give me the ick, the smell, the poop, the drool, everything.

I know that’s already made me a horrible person but I dont dislike dogs per se, just don’t ever want to live with one. Have cats.

Dd(15) has been desperate for a dog for years. I’ve always been very firm against but recently come up again as her mental health has taken an absolute dive the last few years. Have spent year going on and on about the responsibility/commitment, she’s still keen.

As a reward for sh*y hospital visit I agreed to go to a rescue centre (secretly hoping smell and staff going on about responsibility would be off putting) but I was also aware we might end up with a little dog - like Maltese or chihuahua or something, but she fell in love with a huge bloody collie!!!! 🥺🥺🥺Wouldn’t be swayed by anything cute.

Booked in to go and collect him next week and am completely dreading it. I know it’s everything she needs and couldn’t be more sure about the commitment but I hate the idea now, will hate the idea more next week.

Aibu to still live with a dog I don’t want?? Has anyone else been here but ended up liking? Help 😭😭😭

OP posts:
bigbird50 · 30/06/2022 20:37

at 15 the answer is no. Join borrow your dog website which allows you to look after others dogs whilst not having full responsibility. Your DC will likely leave home in 3 yrs and you will be left with a dog you dont want. I didnt want a dog but my OH did (he wanted one as a DC and didnt get one) i was clear about boundaries and it proved to be a nightmare. Kids and OH who wanted the dog werent interested when the dog proved to be a challenge, dog walking didnt happen and my dog ended up with allergies and requiring weekly wash and medication. I ended up taking over the management of the dog, i do love him but if i could turn back time he wouldnt be living with us. Holidays became complicated, trips in UK reduced options so became dog friendly, friends who didnt want dogs in their home didnt invite us and the daily responsibility is alot. Not to be underestimated.

AnneElliott · 30/06/2022 20:46

Agree with everyone else - why not get a pair of kittens if DD wants a pet.

I do like dogs but would never get one. I have a friends whose disabled and at home all day and she has a dog which is lovely company for her. But I walk him most weekends and I go in if she goes out for the evening. I get the best bits of a dog without having the responsibility so that works for me. Would she consider doing borrow my doggie if it's a dog she really wants? Another friend does that and she now also dog sits which gives her the best bits of a dog but without the life long responsibility.

GettingItOutThere · 30/06/2022 20:46

honestly buy her a kitten - a lovely kitten like a maine coon (dog type)! or norwegian forest.

win win really.!

i would not ever get a collie especially if you do not want a dog!

Hillary17 · 30/06/2022 20:51

Sorry to be blunt but do not take this dog home. It will be so much hard work and so hard on all your relationships! The dog deserves to be in a home where it’s really wanted and loved.

Reallyreallyborednow · 30/06/2022 20:55

*honestly buy her a kitten - a lovely kitten like a maine coon (dog type)! or norwegian forest.

win win really.!*

except they already have cats. Might not be as easy just buying a kitten if the older cats are territorial.

ime a dog is less stressful for cats than more cats.

godmum56 · 30/06/2022 20:56

I am a massive dog lover and spoiled my own dogs rotten. Honestly OP do not do this. Honestly you should never have let it get this far. Please forcall your sakes incluing the dog, pull out now.

Helen1233 · 30/06/2022 20:56

Not sure if already suggested but get her involved in a dog rescue place, walking dogs/ caring for them etc.

The answer is not to have this collie, it will cause more problems for dd when you're arguing about her not looking after it while your gut feeling of not wanting it brings out an angry side of you!

PoseyFlump · 30/06/2022 21:02

A collie 😱 probably couldn't have chosen any worse for your situation. And I absolutely love all dogs.

What a dilemma to be in now your DD thinks it's happening. You need to figure out a plan to say you all need more planning time. A smaller dog with less energy and needs could work but is your DD likely to go off to uni etc?

Lansonmaid · 30/06/2022 21:04

We are on our second collie - they can make lovely pets but if they are not given a job (and a job can be agility, ball chasing, fly ball - doesn't have to be herding) they can get frustrated and bored. And a bored collie is bad news. If you don't like dogs please don't get one. We have two dogs- the collie and a huge fluffy Romanian rescue that my son got, trouble is he then got a job in London. We love dogs but they are a commitment

Muminabun · 30/06/2022 21:07

I have dogs and I know they can be a pain in the arse but collies are different. They are so clever and in tune. I am inclined to think that this could work out.it could really be the therapy dog you are looking for and collies in my view are a higher level dog that can provide exceptional company.

tootiredtoocare · 30/06/2022 21:07

Well, that was a bit daft. Do NOT take a dog you don't want. Not fair on any of you, certainly not that dog if it ends up back in the shelter because you don't want it and she's lost interest. Why not suggest DD volunteers at the shelter?
She can love LOTS of dogs then.

whenwillthemadnessend · 30/06/2022 21:08

After years of bagging we finally got a dog I didn't really want but I am an animal lover and have two cats as well

He has made a massive difference to dd mental health and dh. But he is a huge commitment and is a laid back dog. Not a collie.

However I dont regret it as it's done them so much good.

PoseyFlump · 30/06/2022 21:09

There was a thread in AIBU a couple of weeks ago called 'the older I get the less responsibility I want'. One of the overwhelming opinions was pet owners feeling guilty about being tired with all the responsibility and vowing not to have more pets even though they loved them dearly. You are at the beginning of that 15 year journey. You should be full of excitement and enthusiasm.

Emiliaswrath · 30/06/2022 21:15

We have a dog we didn't want. Took her on as a family member who owned her was struggling and we knew the dog would be hard work so were worried she would end being passed from pillar to post. She is a German shepherd/Akita Cross so big dog, with a few issues at first but we adore her now and she is spoiled rotten.

galaxyqueen · 30/06/2022 21:16

Hmmm. My neighbour has a dog and in my head I thought why would her get one as he is so lazy. Well that dog is overweight, the neighbour hardly walks the dog around but takes it to the back garden for a shit and is often shouting at it for pissing /ruining things in the house.

That alone just put me off of ever considering getting a pet.

galaxyqueen · 30/06/2022 21:16

But I'm sure the love you have for a dog is immense/ but like children, they are a huge commitment and can restrict your life.

PoseyFlump · 30/06/2022 21:20

@galaxyqueen I would argue that as you've instantly recognised your neighbour's shortcomings you're more than likely to make an excellent dog owner Smile

Happenchance · 30/06/2022 21:22

OP, your daughter is probably too young to volunteer in a dog rescue but you could volunteer for the Cinnamon Trust and take your daughter with you when you walk the dog(s). Alternatively, the Cinnamon Trust and the Dogs Trust Freedom Project are always looking for short term fosterers, which could help both you and your daughter decide if a dog is for you.

ZooKeeper19 · 30/06/2022 21:22

@Hotair1234 OP could you talk to your DD and say she can try and foster some doggies first? See if she can shoulder the responsibility, wake-ups, poo cleaning, dog walking, training etc.

I love dogs and I got a dog at 15 that my mum also was not thrilled about but I spent 16 years begging (yes I swear I started before I was born) and she caved. I took excellent care of that dog every bloody day. So your DD may surprise you.

But if you are in doubt, try the foster route first Good luck!

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 30/06/2022 21:22

This is a really big mistake. Please don't do it. It's not fair on anyone involved.

galaxyqueen · 30/06/2022 21:23

PoseyFlump · 30/06/2022 21:20

@galaxyqueen I would argue that as you've instantly recognised your neighbour's shortcomings you're more than likely to make an excellent dog owner Smile

Ohno!! 😂 I want to enjoy my life. I love being spontaneous, sleeping, going on holidays and saving money! I cannot in no way shape or form afford to have a dog.

rookiemere · 30/06/2022 21:24

I'm amazed you were accepted by the rescue centre tbh.
What age is the dog - apologies if you have said ?

I think a lie about the rescue centre having rehomed elsewhere, or you failing the home check is the way to go.

Maybe an elderly greyhound? My friend has one and says it needs one walk a day and just snuggles the rest of the time.

Amipreg1 · 30/06/2022 21:26

I adore dogs and can't imagine my life without but please don't agree to getting one if you aren't going to be able to show it love and give it affection/ attention. It's not fair on the dog.

You should have never given your daughter hope if you knew it wouldn't work for you

Original poster
Hotair1234 · 30/06/2022 21:27

Thankyou. You clearly misread my post but I appreciate you feeling strongly enough to advise.

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 30/06/2022 21:31

@galaxyqueen 😂 oh alright then! But you know the best person for prime minister is someone who doesn't want the job..... that's not going to persuade you is it?!