Husband left me with 8 week old baby and toddler to go to Glastonbury

[eeemilyeee]

AIBU to be angry at my husband for going to Glastonbury (Fri-Mon) when we have an 8 week old and a toddler? I made it clear before the baby was born that I didn't want him to leave us for four days. He's a great husband and father usually but I just can't get over the fact he went against my wishes and left me "holding the baby".

It's only a few days. Let him enjoy the festival

I think when you have a newborn, those type of non-compulsory overnight events and holidays can wait until the following year once things are more settled. So yanbu, given you asked him to stay.

What did he say when you asked him to stay? When did he buy his Glastonbury tickets?

How long has he had his ticket?

How much are tickets?

I remember your earlier thread I think. What was he like when he got back? You were trying to get in touch to ask him to come back early weren't you? I would find it utterly selfish and hard to forgive.

YABU, he already has paid out for tickets (which are very hard to get) so you must have known he would be going months ago.

Honeatly for 4 days when youngest is 8 weeks old i really don't see the problem

Did you have any other help or were you totally on your own?

Only 4 days to you. But OP obvious didn’t feel that way. A long weekend alone with a new baby and toddler is very daunting to many. In my view, it’s selfish for the partner to go away for something so non-essential.

Eh, I can't get that worked up about this, presumably he bought the tickets before you were even pregnant.

My husband frequently goes away for weekends/does full days of his hobby and it doesn't bother me a bit. I know when the kids are older, not breastfed anymore and don't need mummy exclusively that he'll 100% support me to have as many weekends away as I like.

If he was to delay until next year the. It may be even worse with two toddlers running around.

Thing is, it's ok saying let him go and enjoy himself - but would the OP have left an 8 week old and a toddler with him and done the same?

Like hell she would, because she's the responsible parent.

Haven't you done this thread already?

I don't think there's anything awful about him wanting to go and if he help arrange some local support, should you need it, I'd have been happy for him to go.

And of course all the usual caveats apply, whereby you get equivalent time to do something you want to do.

However, to go when you hadn't reached an agreement is appalling and would have me assessing the whole relationship

I wouldn't have been happy unless I had other support around me.

We all know how difficult the sleepless nights are in the first few months so having to deal with than and a toddler alone would be very difficult and I would be pissed off to be put in that situation against my will.

If a proper plan had been made in advance (ie his parents take toddler out for a couple of days, my parents help on another couple days etc) then it's incredibly selfish.

If I remember rightly, wasn't he offered a ticket very last minute? So it wasn't as if he'd had the ticket and been looking forward to it for months?

I don't think that's got anything to do with being a responsible parent, I think that's just the realities of biology at play!

Well since it’s a week ago since Glastonbury I assume he is back and you all survived. So you can either hold a grudge or you can move on with a promise of a long weekend break for you whenever you want/need it

I assume like most people that went these were 2020 tickets so not something he bought on a whim

Why is this reposted today? This exact post was on here a week or so ago before the festival. Now it is being reposted after the festival?

Ah ok didn’t realise there was another thread (why start a new one!) and this was last minute ticket. Ok I can see why you are pissed off but as I said it’s a week ago now so either move on or keep being pissed about it

It's all good and well for others to say there's no problem, perhaps they wouldn't have struggled with that situation. I know 100% id struggle if hubby left me to look after an 8 week old and a toddler so I can see why you're upset. It's also the fact he knew you weren't happy about it and you didn't want him to go for the full 4 days and he still went anyway, that seems so disrespectful x

I wouldn't mind. He probably got the tickets years ago and most people don't manage to get tickets. It's a big deal. Only 4 days away - Tiring but doable. When you're comfortable with the idea I'd have a weekend away with your friends to make up for it. Me and DH often have time away with friends whilst the other babysits. We've been doing it since they were babies.

You've obviously survived so bank it. He'll need to make up for it now or in the future.

So because OP is a woman she is the only one stuck with the kids? Nothing to do with biology unless breastfeeding - and even if OP is breastfeeding, her partner has plenty of household chores and a toddler to occupy him, which would give OP a minor breather on the weekend so she’s only focusing on the newborn.

Well, yeah! At 8wks a baby is still very much a part of mum, and 4 days away from her would probably be traumatic to them both. That's evolution, it's how we've survived. That's why she wouldn't go for a long weekend, because she's tied to the baby. In a year, even in six months, she'd feel differently.

An 8wk baby is just a blob really, stick them in a sling and go about your day, juggling an 8wk baby and a toddler is infinitely easier than juggling a 6m baby and a toddler!

Yes, she has. Before the event. Surely it's done and dusted now.

If this is still bothering you OP, you need to tell him. You need to tell him exactly how it’s affected you and how you are currently feeling about it.

If it’s a one off, I would let it go. But if he’s constantly leaving you alone with two small children and you’re struggling then you need to discuss it.