Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left me with 8 week old baby and toddler to go to Glastonbury

190 replies

eeemilyeee · 30/06/2022 10:49

AIBU to be angry at my husband for going to Glastonbury (Fri-Mon) when we have an 8 week old and a toddler? I made it clear before the baby was born that I didn't want him to leave us for four days. He's a great husband and father usually but I just can't get over the fact he went against my wishes and left me "holding the baby".

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 30/06/2022 13:31

He’s not a team player.

Meraas · 30/06/2022 13:35

YRGAM · 30/06/2022 11:44

YABU. If he's 'a great dad and father ' you really don't want to set the precedent of oneupmanship and score keeping in your relationship. This kind of thing chips away at the love that holds a relationship together.

He has set a precedent for leaving your partner alone when they are in need.

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 30/06/2022 13:36

How were the kids?

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 30/06/2022 13:36

GoodThinkingMax · 30/06/2022 12:24

And I'm really surprised at all the posters excusing the DH. He's behaved as if he had no family, or commitments.

A lot of people fall over themselves to stress how absolutely cool they'd be with it and that any woman who'd feel a bit overwhelmed with a toddler and a newborn is a wimp.

I'd need more details before I could say if I'd have been okay with the OP's situation or not.

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 13:42

I really don’t understand this! What if her DH had to travel for work for four days? Or ended up in hospital?
Surely life does not stop completely when you have children and I speak as someone whose husband had to travel for work constantly when I had three young children to look after and no support.

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 13:51

I'd be walking out the minute he got back (with the baby).

"Had a nice time, dear. That's great. I'm off to my mum's with bubs for 4 days. You and the little one have fun... back Thursday."

SleeplessInEngland · 30/06/2022 13:54

The OPs made this thread already and got lots of replies so I'm not sure why she's doing it again other than she's clearly one to hold an unhealthy grudge.

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 13:54

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 13:42

I really don’t understand this! What if her DH had to travel for work for four days? Or ended up in hospital?
Surely life does not stop completely when you have children and I speak as someone whose husband had to travel for work constantly when I had three young children to look after and no support.

Really very different situations. In the unavoidable absence of the other parent, clearly you cope. 'Life not stopping' is different to booking a single jaunt.

Anyway, if life doesn't stop, then I'm sure he will be able to handle the toddler on his own next week while the OP has a few days break with the 'blob'. Got to crack on with things, you know.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/06/2022 13:55

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 13:42

I really don’t understand this! What if her DH had to travel for work for four days? Or ended up in hospital?
Surely life does not stop completely when you have children and I speak as someone whose husband had to travel for work constantly when I had three young children to look after and no support.

Something you have no choice over is very different from disappearing to have fun.

I wouldn't have liked this, but at 8 weeks I'd only just recovered from the birth.

Redruby2020 · 30/06/2022 13:56

springisaroundthecorner · 30/06/2022 10:51

It's only a few days. Let him enjoy the festival

Wow

Ivyy · 30/06/2022 14:35

Can anyone link to op's previous post? Or was it deleted?

IsThePopeCatholic · 30/06/2022 14:38

Very selfish and immature behaviour. I would be livid.

Testina · 30/06/2022 14:41

It’s not like he booked the tickets knowing your due date!
He might even have booked it before your toddler’s due date!
Which would be interesting to know… were you OK with it then?
It’s just the Covid gift that keeps on giving, that the event wasn’t a great time.
But these tickets aren’t guaranteed every year, and the line up changes so you can’t “just go next time”.
You’re new to having 2 and every baby is different, but you weren’t completely new to a newborn.
I think if you specifically needed him to stay and he refused, that’s awful. But if you’re just unwilling to take one for the team and he’s otherwise a good husband and father, I think it’s unfair to mind him going in any circumstances.
So it comes down to the detail of why you wanted him to stay really.

EvergreenForest · 30/06/2022 14:43

I think this comes under the umbrella of 'every baby is different'. Some will look back on baby number 2 and have found it a breeze: others will struggle with the adjustment.

Regardless of whether we all as individuals would be ok with this is sort of irrelevant. OP didn't feel should would be able to cope and asked him not to go. He went knowing she didn't want him to, knowing he was leaving her in a situation she didn't feel able to cope with and decided he didn't care. For this reason, I think YANBU.

(I say this with a 5 month old and 2.5 year old so this is a very recent time for me and, unless it was really a necessity, I would have asked my DH not to go either-at 8 weeks mine was waking constantly and my toddler was also waking at 5am ready for breakfast and also starting to act out towards dS2. I would have been a zombie and found it very hard)

Marvellousmadness · 30/06/2022 14:45

Do the same to him in a few weeks. :)

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/06/2022 14:46

Considering these were 2020 tickets and, I assume, you aren't an elephant and therefore haven't been pregnant for 2 years, I don't think I'd be mad about it. But then I was used to my husband working away when our DC were tiny

Roselilly36 · 30/06/2022 14:47

I don’t blame you, a friend of mine had a newborn and her partner decided to would do a walk for charity, lands end to John o groats, he was gone for weeks, selfish man, should have been a warning to her tbh.

Vikinga · 30/06/2022 14:48

It wouldn't have bothered me tbh.

Keha · 30/06/2022 14:49

I wouldn't be overly happy with this. He must have known for ages. It's very early days with a new baby and toddler to leave someone solo parenting. He could sell the ticket, you could have delayed getting pregnant. It's not like it wasn't something he could try and plan around. I think I would be happy with my DH going if we planned it well, arranged a bit of family/friend support for me, he helped with cleaning, washing, shopping etc so I didn't have much to keep on top of, and also would give me a good rest when he got back. Were things like that discussed?

Cantanka · 30/06/2022 14:53

Hallyup89 · 30/06/2022 11:45

Goodness me, surely you can cope with two children?!

What a twatty post.

Resilience · 30/06/2022 14:56

Surely the main problem is that this demonstrates the DH's underlying views on parenthood responsibilities, namely that his are optional because ultimate responsibility lies with the OP.

As a parent, the default is that you are 100% responsible unless you have obtained agreement from someone else that you're not. If there are 2 parents, that means not acting unilaterally but making decisions together.

DH's actions betray a high level of selfishness and very possibly sexism.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 15:02

I agree it's 'default parent'. He absolutely knows he won't be left with a weeks-old baby and a toddler. It won't happen.

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 15:08

Fact is... he has 50% responsibility for these children (at least during non-work hours if OP is on maternity leave). So by going without the OP's agreement, he is walking out on his responsibilities. When did she agree to take over his 50%?

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 15:10

Resilience · 30/06/2022 14:56

Surely the main problem is that this demonstrates the DH's underlying views on parenthood responsibilities, namely that his are optional because ultimate responsibility lies with the OP.

As a parent, the default is that you are 100% responsible unless you have obtained agreement from someone else that you're not. If there are 2 parents, that means not acting unilaterally but making decisions together.

DH's actions betray a high level of selfishness and very possibly sexism.

I agree entirely. He's behaving like he's a secondary, optional parent.

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 15:17

So if the OP left the children with her DH for four days to go to Glasto everyone will be telling her she’s a selfish twat??? Yeah right…. We’d bloody be saying ‘have an awesome time’….