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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left me with 8 week old baby and toddler to go to Glastonbury

190 replies

eeemilyeee · 30/06/2022 10:49

AIBU to be angry at my husband for going to Glastonbury (Fri-Mon) when we have an 8 week old and a toddler? I made it clear before the baby was born that I didn't want him to leave us for four days. He's a great husband and father usually but I just can't get over the fact he went against my wishes and left me "holding the baby".

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 01/07/2022 23:27

Two little ones for a weekend?

I couldn’t get worked up about that.

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 01/07/2022 23:30

I’d have a problem with it because I don’t think he would be happy if I fucked off for a few days leaving children of that age with him for my own leisure against his wishes. Shoe on the other foot, I doubt he would be okay with it so why does he expect you to deal with it? Ofcourse it’s worse as you’ve only recently given birth so need the support (unless he sorted that out for you before he left)

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 01/07/2022 23:32

I always think women are expect to put up with more crap from men than the other way around.

Italiandreams · 01/07/2022 23:34

When my second was 8 weeks, I was getting no sleep, still struggling to get any kind of bed time routine with the two of them, and the eldest was really struggling. I was definitely the tiredest I had ever been. I would have had a breakdown at the thought of having them by myself for four days. I would have coped with one night maybe two at a push, but I was exhausted both physically and mentally. Well done of you did cope, good for you, but nothing wrong with acknowledging that for others it may well be a struggle.

Ifeelitinmyfingersifeelitmy · 01/07/2022 23:36

Ignore the idiots who say 'oh it's not big deal' - they've all completely missed the point. As you've said in your OP, you've literally asked DH to not go and he's gone anyway. YANBU to feel upset.

milkysmum · 01/07/2022 23:36

Presumably he bought the tickets some time ago?

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 01/07/2022 23:36

Yes and others saying she can go another time when the kids are older. Why can’t she go when the kids are this small age, somehow men can’t be expected to cope with small babies but women should suck it up. I’m very much about equal opportunities in a relationship, if it’s not okay for OP to do this then her DH shouldn’t either.

eldora · 01/07/2022 23:49

QueSyrahSyrah · 01/07/2022 08:11

YANU to be annoyed / upset by it initially. YABU to still be raging over it a week later, when you all clearly survived.

The only people that will suffer from your simmering grudge is you and quite possibly the DC that will pick up on your emotions.

Let it go, move on, and start planning a nice relaxing weekend away for yourself when the baby is a bit older.

🙄

Patapouf · 02/07/2022 00:01

I don't think I would forgive this. Newborn and toddler is dire, doing it alone because their dad is off partying is even worse.

User3568975431146 · 02/07/2022 00:13

Didn't you post about this already?

It's still not a big deal and by the sound of it, everyone survived.

maddy68 · 02/07/2022 00:30

I honestly would have no issue with this. Your baby is 2 mths old. Glastonbury has bit happened for three years. It's a big deal. You are overly projecting

jimmyjammy001 · 02/07/2022 02:03

He would of got the tickets in October 2019, that's almost 3 years ago, before the kids were even born and its a once a year event which is really hard to get tickets for, did he tell you he was still going to go to Glastonbury when the kids were born or did you just assume he wouldn't go now? It's only a few days, can't really see what the problem is, is he not allowed to go next year now as well? I feel sorry for him if not

Carlycat · 02/07/2022 03:25

Well at least you know where his priorities lie...

Whatafustercluck · 02/07/2022 04:31

I'm a big Glastonbury fan, and would have loved to have gone. But you're right to be pissed off, I would be too. Last minute ticket, you asked him not to go, he did anyway.

An 8 week old baby and a toddler for 4 days on your own? Bet you were on your knees. And I guarantee he moocbed around recovering from a heavy weekend when he returned too! Men are seemingly all too ready to do this kind of thing. You rarely hear about women doing this.

savethatkitty · 02/07/2022 04:50

And? You're a big girl, pull up your big pants & crack on. Stop being a sook

EvergreenForest · 02/07/2022 05:01

jimmyjammy001 · 02/07/2022 02:03

He would of got the tickets in October 2019, that's almost 3 years ago, before the kids were even born and its a once a year event which is really hard to get tickets for, did he tell you he was still going to go to Glastonbury when the kids were born or did you just assume he wouldn't go now? It's only a few days, can't really see what the problem is, is he not allowed to go next year now as well? I feel sorry for him if not

OP has only posted a few times but worth a quick read of what she's written, surely?

He's been four times before. He was offered the tickets last minute at the end of her pregnancy and she said she wouldn't feel comfortable with him going. Then when baby arrived he was tongue tied and she had issues feeding and again reiterated she didn't really want him to go but stopped short of telling him he couldn't.

He went anyway

BellePeppa · 02/07/2022 06:20

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 01/07/2022 23:32

I always think women are expect to put up with more crap from men than the other way around.

Totally this. I’ve often thought in my relationships ‘they would never put up with this if it was me doing it’. I learnt not to put up with crap but I wouldn’t have even dreamed of inflicting the crap in the first place.

Ponderingwindow · 02/07/2022 06:38

i Don’t have much respect for a father who would leave a mother at home caring for an 8 week old infant for multiple days, let alone an infant and a toddler, for anything that isn’t essential.

georgarina · 02/07/2022 07:13

savethatkitty · 02/07/2022 04:50

And? You're a big girl, pull up your big pants & crack on. Stop being a sook

Is this a serious comment? Fucking vile.

MummyJ36 · 02/07/2022 07:37

Never too late to explain to him now how hurt you were that he did this. He’s gone, he’s had his fun but you are more than entitled to discuss the impact this had on you. Explain that you didn’t want to explicitly say no but were shocked he went for the full 4 days with (seemingly) no guilt. I’d take it as an opportunity to put things in place moving forward when either of you get the opportunity to go away for nights at a time. Maybe a 2 night maximum? I would have been very disappointed with my DH doing this and would have had to discuss afterwards.

SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 02/07/2022 08:13

My sister has a 4 week old baby, she got glastonbury tickets when they were originally on sale for 2020 before she was even planning a baby but it's been that long she's got pregnant and had a baby in that time, i assume your husband has also had his tickets this long too? My sister obviously didn't go, it's her first baby so her husband didn't either. I think with your second child you know what you are doing so personally I'd have told my husband to go. My children are close in age my husband went on a 5 day (optional) team thing with work when my second child was a similar age, I did roll my eyes at the time, but it was fine. Glasto is hard to get tickets for though I wouldn't have stopped my husband going or made him feel guilty.

WildOnce · 02/07/2022 08:15

I absolutely would have struggled. Neither my baby or toddler sleep well (understatement). My husband wouldn’t have gone and neither would I if the shoe was on the other foot.

It seems there was another thread which makes me think you’ve been quite upset by this. Hope you’re OK OP.

EvergreenForest · 02/07/2022 08:20

For those who can't seem to read the OPs 3 posts...

HER DH HAS BEEN 4 TIMES BEFOFE

HE HASNT HAD THE TICKETS SINXE 2019-HE WAS OFFERED THEM LAST MINUTE

SHE DIDNT 'TELL HIM' HE COULDNT GO, SHE ASKED HIM NOT TO

EvergreenForest · 02/07/2022 08:21

AND THE OTHER TBREAD ISNT THE OPS

WindmillsOfMyMind44 · 02/07/2022 08:22

I would feel exactly the same as you op. It's selfish of your dh.

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