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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left me with 8 week old baby and toddler to go to Glastonbury

190 replies

eeemilyeee · 30/06/2022 10:49

AIBU to be angry at my husband for going to Glastonbury (Fri-Mon) when we have an 8 week old and a toddler? I made it clear before the baby was born that I didn't want him to leave us for four days. He's a great husband and father usually but I just can't get over the fact he went against my wishes and left me "holding the baby".

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 15:21

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 15:17

So if the OP left the children with her DH for four days to go to Glasto everyone will be telling her she’s a selfish twat??? Yeah right…. We’d bloody be saying ‘have an awesome time’….

Nope. The thread by a woman going and leaving her kid didn't go that way. At all.

Dozycuntlaters · 30/06/2022 15:21

Blimey, what's with these throw him out comments. It was only 4 days and OP says he is usually a great husband and father. Honestly, if a woman came on here saying that she had had tickets booked for years and her husband was creating about her being away for 4 days people would be saying LTB etc etc.

I really couldn't get worked up about it, as long as he doesn't do it all the time then its not that big of a deal. 8 weeks old babies are much easier than if he did it next year and OP ha 2 toddlers!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/06/2022 15:24

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 15:21

Nope. The thread by a woman going and leaving her kid didn't go that way. At all.

Show quote history

That's because it was both parents leaving a very young baby, not just one parent. If it was just the mother then, providing baby wasn't EBF and refusing to take from a bottle, then nobody would have batted an eyelid

Mariposista · 30/06/2022 15:26

Dozycuntlaters · 30/06/2022 15:21

Blimey, what's with these throw him out comments. It was only 4 days and OP says he is usually a great husband and father. Honestly, if a woman came on here saying that she had had tickets booked for years and her husband was creating about her being away for 4 days people would be saying LTB etc etc.

I really couldn't get worked up about it, as long as he doesn't do it all the time then its not that big of a deal. 8 weeks old babies are much easier than if he did it next year and OP ha 2 toddlers!

Totally agree with this. Children are hard throughout the toddler years (and beyond). What is to be gained by chaining him metaphorically to the house by his balls until you say so? This will just cause resentment. Best thing to do is be mature and work out some time when mum can also have some downtime, leaving dad in charge. And if he is a good man he won't mind that.

NorthStarRising · 30/06/2022 15:26

Everyone’s relationship is different.
I’d be cross if I’d specifically asked my partner not to do something and he’d ignored me without discussion.
But that said, I went to a festival for three days and left him with the baby. And I didn’t stock up the freezer with meals for him, or do the laundry before I left.
Did leave a freezer full of breast milk…

wellhelloitsme · 30/06/2022 15:26

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 15:17

So if the OP left the children with her DH for four days to go to Glasto everyone will be telling her she’s a selfish twat??? Yeah right…. We’d bloody be saying ‘have an awesome time’….

No, the woman who said that recently was told by lots of posters that she was selfish, couldn't she wait until another year, she would damage her maternal bond etc etc and one delightful poster even said that social services would be interested... despite the fact the baby was going to be with its loving and willing grandparents.

She was vilified by many posters.

xogossipgirlxo · 30/06/2022 15:27

"He's a great husband and father usually but I just can't get over the fact he went against my wishes and left me "holding the baby"."

Yes. He sounds like great husband and father.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 15:29

FartNRoses · 30/06/2022 15:17

So if the OP left the children with her DH for four days to go to Glasto everyone will be telling her she’s a selfish twat??? Yeah right…. We’d bloody be saying ‘have an awesome time’….

If she said, "he isn't confident to do it and has asked me not to go. And he won't get 4 days of his own any time soon" she'd not be told to go. Not by me anyway.

SnowWhitesSM · 30/06/2022 15:36

It would depend on the rest of the relationship to whether it would bother me or not. A normal, kind, supportive relationship would have me saying you are BU. A relationship where you are always dumped on, left looking after the dc whilst he's off down the pub every evening/bike rides/golf after work and weekends would have me saying he's the U one.

LarryTrotter · 30/06/2022 15:40

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 13:51

I'd be walking out the minute he got back (with the baby).

"Had a nice time, dear. That's great. I'm off to my mum's with bubs for 4 days. You and the little one have fun... back Thursday."

Why "with the baby"? Surely a father can look after his own baby for a few days?

RobertaFirmino · 30/06/2022 15:41

I'm assuming he is home and alive. In that case, I suppose you have three choices:
Forgive and forget (and if you do, bear in mind that this might happen again unless he can guarantee it won't)
or
Don't forgive or forget and continue to let this simmer away inside you, eventually turning you even more bitter and unhappy
or
LTB

LarryTrotter · 30/06/2022 15:41

kisaki333 · 30/06/2022 12:25

How come he gets to enjoy something and the mom doesn't?! And for 4 days?????

I'd change the locks while he was gone if he did that to me especially if I asked him not to go...

Show quote history

She can plan her own long weekend now 🤷‍♀️

springbreak22 · 30/06/2022 15:43

Overreaction

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 15:56

She can plan her own long weekend now

And we can run a pool for the reasons she can't go. I have 5 quid on 'DH can't get the time off work'.

Midlifemusings · 30/06/2022 15:58

If I remember correctly from the other thread, her family was coming to stay with her while he was gone. He definitely made a selfish move but I am not sure why the same post is reposted now?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2022 16:02

Midlifemusings · 30/06/2022 15:58

If I remember correctly from the other thread, her family was coming to stay with her while he was gone. He definitely made a selfish move but I am not sure why the same post is reposted now?

And why OP is not answering.

Pipsquiggle · 30/06/2022 16:28

OK. I would totally play the long game on this.

Would it be better for you if he didn't go - probably.
Will there be weekends in the near future when you want to have a child free weekend - definitely.

At least your 8 week old can't move and hopefully sleeps a fair amount of the time.
Your toddler will be watching a lot of peppa pig.

But this has already happened - just let it go and bank it for when you want a break

Runrunrungo · 30/06/2022 16:29

I would only be OK with this if he arranged to take the baby and toddler fairly soon afterwards, so that I could also piss off to do something fun for four days straight.

My DH and I only have one baby, but baby free nights are shared equally. If my DH goes away for a night he knows that I will be cashing in my own night off the following week.

Even then, leaving you when the baby is just 8 weeks old is still slightly taking the piss, and ideally he should have sold his tickets and gone next year instead.

MsFogi · 30/06/2022 16:29

My husband did much the same to me with a new born baby and toddler (not Glastonbury but another totally optional/fun weekend away) and I am still pissed off about it 14 years later.

Sugarpiehoney · 30/06/2022 16:37

All of the LTB comments are always the funniest.

Imagine leaving your husband and the father of your two children because he went to Glastonbury for 4 days. Some people are suggesting OP would be better off a single mother of two children - one a newborn - just because her husband went to Glasto. Mind is blown.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/06/2022 16:40

Did you survive?????

MissMaple82 · 30/06/2022 16:49

For God sake, why do women get so mad at men leaving them alone with children for a few days! Just get on with it, let him have a few days fun, and I'm sure he will return the favour when you want a few days away. It's not the end of the world, you're their mum, I'm sure you can cope

MissMaple82 · 30/06/2022 16:50

mumwon · 30/06/2022 13:08

I hope he hasn't caught covid & brought it back to all of you (outbreak caused by this festival is in the news)

Oh well if it's in the news, it must be real !!!

MsCactus · 30/06/2022 17:10

If this happened to me, I'd expect him to look after the babies for four days the very next week as a trade off.

If you're breastfeeding, you can always express to keep up supply and he can bottle feed for a few days until you're back.

I go against these commenters – I think it's pretty unfair to leave you with that.

MsCactus · 30/06/2022 17:11

But not unfair if you also then get four days off