To be upset by what I heard from next door

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost22]

My Neighbours have 2 young kids- eldest is about 2 and a 6 month old baby. DP and i went to a gig last night & our kids went on sleepovers and we got back late.

Anyway, we got in at about 1am and all I could hear was the mum shouting at the hysterical screaming older child- it sounded like the 2 year old had woken up, woken them up and wouldn’t go back to sleep (I could hear this thru the walls as we are terraces). She was shouting at the child to go back to sleep, the child was hysterical & it went on and on and on - then it sounded like she left the child on their own and the child was possible throwing themselves about as there was repetitive banging because she had left them in their room. This went on for 2 hours & kept me awake- I must have fallen asleep at about 3am.

it was AWFUl to hear it though- the was she was shouting at the child, the hysteria of the child etc. It’s really upset me as the child sounded so distressed, particularly the repetitive banging.

it’s not the first time either. Aibu to feel upset- what do you do?

I would ring SS, they are either really struggling or abusive. Either way, what they are doing is extremely damaging to their children

Is this the first time you've heard it?

She could have just had a really bad night, a one off.
If it's a regular occourance I think that's different

If it’s not a one off I’d be reporting it to the Health Visistor. You can find out the number from a local GP surgery/health centre. If you get no where with that report it to the non-emergency police number and they can pass it on.

Well I’d invite them round for a cup of tea.

Another one who didn't read the OP properly 🙄

It’s not the first time I have heard stuff but never like that. I am normally asleep I guess - it’s woken me up once before. It’s because we were late in from a gig last night so up late that I heard it. My DP couldn’t listen as it was so bad.

We were & still are real co- sleepers with our kids do took a different approach I guess too- we never had that ‘get back to your bed’ thing esp when kids were really little (not saying that’s a better approach, horses for courses but it made what I heard really distressing for other reasons too)

I don't think its your place to try and work out what is going on. Its not your responsibility to worry about this. But each and everyone one of us has a duty to safeguard. Your only option is to ring Social services and report. There is nothing more you can do, and to do nothing is wrong. Ring them.

@MiniTheMinx I know - it’s just so horrible hearing a tiny child in so much distress - it’s really upset me

Most people are telling you to ring SS OP so you have your answer

My DD has nights where she wakes me up multiple times and wont go back to sleep etc, and is just using delaying tactics. Sometimes I have just left her to it in her room as she will fall back to sleep eventually and nothing i am doing is helping.

I think as your parenting approach is very different to theres it probably makes it seem worse than it is to you. OP have you honestly never shouted at yout children?

Do these nights involve you shouting at a hysterically screaming 2 year old?

@Lazypuppy did you leave your child hysterically crying for two hours while he/she banged around the room causing potential damage to themselves?

Ring children's social services, they can check out what's going on. Please don't ignore it.

Never mind SS, I'd have rang the Police.
SS aren't going to attend in the middle of the night, it's abuse and the Police would have made it stop.

In the absence of all information, and in view of the fact you know nothing about these neighbours, their children or their approach to managing their child it is foolish and ignorant to suggest OP put this down to her own bias.

In addition to this, shouting at children is never acceptable, and never useful. It does not yield good results in terms of behaviour, and is abusive.

I’m shocked at the ‘report it’ mentality over this.
I wouldn’t report it, I would however have them on my radar and I would speak to her to see what went on.

unless you think there’s actual abuse going on I wouldn’t report op. They’re so overstretched you could take away the opportunity for an abused child to get seen faster.

It’s a pretty normal thing for children to get shouted at, even whilst at school. It’s shitty but it certainly doesn’t mean a child is being abused.

Sure you would.

You weren't in the room though, the child wasn't necessarily throwing themselves around getting hurt, maybe they were just banging on something. And yes everyone has yelled at their kids occasionally.

You admit that even the idea of a kid "being sent back to bed" upset you, so maybe it was a bit hard for you to judge the situation objectively. Without being their you really don't know whether the child was in "so much distress" or just being naughty and using delaying tactics as pp said. My dc are pretty well behaved but like all kids they have their moments. This morning my neighbours probably thought my dc was being murdered due to the high pitched screaming. Nope, I was just changing her nappy as I do every morning. Other similar tantrums have occurred after not being allowed to eat chocolate, throw toys down the toilet, etc.

This is the second one of these in a week.

No you shouldn't report an exhausted mother to social services. Parents shout sometimes. It's not nice but it's not abnormal.

It's none of your business. I would only ever report somebody to social services if their children were in actual danger and being abused.

I'm shocked at Staryflight445's response.

It didn't take long for the first "none of your business" post to appear

Yes I would ring HV if you are worried

@RaisinGhost yes it is true that it’s hard to be objective when I wouldn’t parent in that way myself. It’s the length of it though- am sure the neighbours on the other side must have heard it too it was so loud

Why? People shout at their kids. It’s not social services worthy.

parent was clearly not in a good place and what are we told to do when we are struggling?
were told to leave them in a safe place.

my children have got so hysterical at times everything I’ve tried to do to help them has made it worse, so I’ve left them cool down too. I’m not abusive.

why would you waste social services time by reporting this? You’d definitely keep it on your radar and talk to her to see what was going on but you certainly wouldn’t report yet.
stop wasting their time for goodness sake.