To be upset by what I heard from next door

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost22]

My Neighbours have 2 young kids- eldest is about 2 and a 6 month old baby. DP and i went to a gig last night & our kids went on sleepovers and we got back late.

Anyway, we got in at about 1am and all I could hear was the mum shouting at the hysterical screaming older child- it sounded like the 2 year old had woken up, woken them up and wouldn’t go back to sleep (I could hear this thru the walls as we are terraces). She was shouting at the child to go back to sleep, the child was hysterical & it went on and on and on - then it sounded like she left the child on their own and the child was possible throwing themselves about as there was repetitive banging because she had left them in their room. This went on for 2 hours & kept me awake- I must have fallen asleep at about 3am.

it was AWFUl to hear it though- the was she was shouting at the child, the hysteria of the child etc. It’s really upset me as the child sounded so distressed, particularly the repetitive banging.

it’s not the first time either. Aibu to feel upset- what do you do?

If the mother feels like she is losing it it probably is best she walks away for the child for a bit- rather than hurt her.

People yell at their kids
We dont all co sleep and never let our kids cry.
The banging might have been the kid throwing stuff.
Crying is not a reason to call ss. Letting a kid cry isnt either.

That banging is so scary. Normal 2yr olds don’t throw themselves around. At worse they cry really loudly for attention.

please get them help OP. Please!

That banging is so scary. Normal 2yr olds don’t throw themselves around.

Yes they do. Every 2 year old will throw themselves to the ground dramatically during a tantrum. And if you didn't/pretended not to see, they'll get back up and do it again. Along with kicking the end of the cot, banging toys, banging doors.

@RaisinGhost

Lol I know right. If anything I'd be shocked if a 2 year old didn't throw any tantrums where they went into hysterics.
It's the age where they can't regulate their emotions or speak very well yet, so they lash out the most physically.

My perfectly (according to others) mild mannered, good natured, chilled toddler yesterday threw a strop when I denied him chocolate. His response? To throw his toys on the floor, bang stuff on the table and then throw himself on the floor and roll around kicking the table.

Obviously I told him off for that but there's only so much you can do when they are full on tantrumming. When he calmed down I just moved in from it and he played happily then.

Nonsense. 1 of my 3 did this. She'd collapse, kick, hit the floor, scream. Couod be something as small as she couldn't have a pack of crisps or something. If my neighbours posted here, they'd probably be told she was being murdered. In no shape or form does she have additional needs (I'm guessing this is what you mean by not normal.... ). She's perfectly normal, some toddlers just have mega tantrums. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong.

Yeah, my son had a couple of mega tantrums when he was 2. It honestly never crossed my mind that it wasn't entirely normal. He was perturbed as a boy at nursery had hurt him on purpose (that's a story in itself). He woke in the middle of the night tired and upset and just went ballistic and there was nothing we could do. Everything made it worse, so after a really long time we went back to bed and he raged violently a small amount of time longer and then finally came to us for a cuddle. Luckily our walls are thick and our neighbours friendly so we never got a call from SS!

"In no shape or form does she have additional needs (I'm guessing this is what you mean by not normal...."

Although why you would call SS just because you think a child has additional needs is strange.

Totally agree

Given that this is "not the first time", OP, I'd report.

I'd rather risk pissing off a parent than not reporting a child at risk, every time.

Imagine if we where all flop from bing?

Just perfect little caregivers that never ever get irratated. I'm against physical punishment in real life but boy do I want to slap that rabbit... flop is saintly lol.

yes they do.

Kids bang all the time, mine don't even get angry but are constant suppliers of banging and noise while just playing around.

If your kid never bangs then thats worrying and abnormal.

Ooooh boy I've tried to channel flop a few times, I can't get the knack. Trouble for me is my kid doesn't respond like bing! 🤣 Feel like I'm rifling through a script thinking 'no, that's not your line, hang on, you're supposed to say yay carotty bagels'

first off does the child have additional needs some children are prone to meltdowns not all children in this position may be neglected
being stressed isn’t a crime
ss are more likely to make this something it isn’t which isn’t helpful to anyone
try and talk to mum first at least

I am trained in safeguarding and still wouldn’t go around reporting people unless I was sure

You need to refresh your training.

You do realise that the one thing they always stress during safeguarding is that you don't need to be sure to report and you should let the authorities do the assessment?

If they genuinely taught you that you need to be sure of abuse to report you need a new training provider.

I'm not saying this child is going to be a tragic statistic but you see why these poor kids end up in tragic circumstances when people are advised not to report concerns unless they're sure.

I would report straightaway. While you are waiting, making notes, writing down times and procrastinating, this poor child could be in danger or worse, end up as another tragic piece of news

@LaFloristaCalista ".......end up as another tragic piece of news."

This 💯
Reading the DM on the app the news lately is just harrowing re the countless children failed by their parents, families their schools and SS.

I thought about posting this yesterday but wasn't in the mood for dealing with a pile on from posters accusing me of sensationalising something that was just a child having a tantrum and a tired mother.
If that's all the OP witnessed that's great. But if it is more sinister far better to report, surely ?

It sounds like an angry toddler having a tantrum in the middle of the night.The mum shouted at him and ten when she felt herself getting angry withdrew herself from tge situation, and stopped giving attention to his tantrum.Sounds a far course of action

I can say categorically that I never yelled at my children the way the OP described. I’ve raised two to adulthood, virtually on my own (their dad was useless, so when he left it made no difference) I have lost my patience and snapped a few times, but never screamed at them to go back to bed (also s cosleeper so never needed to) or go back to sleep.

OP, speak to the local health visitor or SS.

Jesus Christ.

How can anyone be absolutely sure until the abuse has already happened?!

Early reporting is to try and prevent the abuse from happening in the first place.

If you genuinely think the right thing to do is to do nothing unless the child has already encountered harm then God help the vulnerable children in our society with people like you looking out for them.

Poor kid. I was a young single teen mum and never screamed at my child like that. Definitely report it they would be offered help and advice.

Moonamoona · Yesterday 09:54
Trust your instincts - what you heard worried you. Call SS and report it as a safeguarding concern. If there’s no other concerns relating to this family then they can make that judgement call BUT if there are other concerns then this may be valuable evidence to build a picture of the overall care for the children. The most important thing is for them to ensure that the children are safe. You’re not in a position to do that, they are.

This is spot on.

It’s not really the same though is it. If I left my child out of frustration for a break and I heard a bang I would be in there like lightning.

Also, two year olds aren’t that devious. The don’t have the same reasoning processes as adults. Assuming they are doing things to get at you etc feeds into how many adults justify their abuse. (Not saying you are doing this just that it is a dangerous mindset)