Concerns that school are using social services to harass myself and partner

[Ultrafrustrated]

Concerns that school are using social services to harass myself and partner

backstory

Im an older male who met his younger partner through mutual friends there is a 12 year age gap. i retired early as i have declared income that lets me live well

we both have various long standing health issues and history of abuse in our pasts as the receiver.

I am moderatly autistic

when I met my partner her child was at a private school which she couldnt afford and also wasnt meeting the childs needs and start of lockdown she and child moved into my home (she had to work and had no other childcare options)

following lockdown 1 she decided to place the child at the local school and live with me full time and things seemed to be going ok

first day at the school somone walked upto me at the gate and flat out warned my the head would have issues with me . This is before child has even started the school formally and I took it to be sour grapes and ignored.

partner had asked to speak to head about childs history pre me and explain a few things( abusive ex)

In the December we were reported to social services for

telling child of for running out infront of a car.
Not feeding child properly (we had documented evidence of the food she eats which is beyond waitrose territory as I love to cook and almost every meal is home made from raw ingredients)
affecting child anxiety by asking how her day was
that Child calls me daddy at Childs request.

So in my mind for basic normal parenting

So we got investigated. And the social decided after 3 visits that she was safe, happy well fed, cared for clothed, had toys books a safe room yadda yadda

literally we came out golden farting perfume scattering rainbows.

It was stressfull as hell but we though things were over. Especially as they were picking every facet of the relationship to probe into (finances, property ownership, the nature of it, how we met, the childs relation to me and a hundred other highly invasive other things)

I now have a serious trust issue with the school because well lots of the claims were based on outright lies and misrepresentation but the school refused to even consider they MAY be in the wrong and offer even a slightest apology

Flip forward to today when my partner gets a call that they have contacted social services AGAIN because last week when it was near 30 degree out I was wanting to know if child had only drunk about 50ml of water all day or if child had refilled water bottle.
child came out of school looking seriously dehydrated, listless, grey, miserable and something was wrong. Normally child is happy and bouncy when she comes from school

I checked childs lunch as I was sat down waiting and she was dragging her bag and things along the floor (not normal) and it had hardly been touched and she confirmed she had only drunk a tiny amount.

Then child goes strait into a tantrum because she thinks she is being told off (anxiety issues makes any slight telling off the end of the world) and I simply tell child in a normal voice to stop as if it carrys on child wont get to go to a club that night as child is obviously too tired to go but i need to know because not drinking can make child ill .

I get the facts from Child and calm Child down and take Child home to my partner who also works out whats going on, gets fluids into Child
and calms child down and gets food for child

the next day she speaks to the teacher about the lack of fluid consumption as it was seriously detrimental to have it thrown back at her
as teacher and assistants “dont have time to check” they children are drinking. Yet if we dont give fluids to take in we get the flack

also goes of on a tangent that the after school club Child
goes to she doesnt like and doesnt join in with which isnt the case but seemed to be only deflection away from a genuine concern about well being

so today my partner had a long conversation with the school yet again questioning the home relationship and am I abusive etc etc etc

they have informed social services AGAIN Because In my view and in my partners view AND other parent who was sat at the same table I
parented and saw there was an issue and asked normal voice questions to find out whats going on to solve or understand it.

now the Head frankly hates me and I think the rest of the school has taken a lead from him.

Why I dont know initially but now the feeling is very much mutual ( Im not going to do anything as he isnt worth it) but school is now attempting to change how i live through intimidation

there is a section of the parents who live in total fear of him as he is constantly harassing vulnerable people and questioning how they live and they school seems to cycle through them and we are now top of the list

I suspect that he is abusing his position and social services to harass those he does not consider worthy of being there (its a small wealthy village)
and I know of several persons who have removed children from the school and the area as a result of him.

What are my options as he has just finished harrassing another person and it looks like we are next in line.

If its a small, well off community, there could be resentment against anyone 'different'

Older awkward man get younger poorer partner and child, could piss some types off.

There's something off here. Schools don't have the time to harrass parents through social services, I personally think thars a ridiculous statement. Obviously there are issues and concerns somewhere, but you may be oblivious to them.

I’m used to reading anti teacher & anti social worker posts on here, but this OP is landing badly for me. What is the child’s version I wonder?

How must she feel about being shouted at because she was too hot to eat her lunch or too busy playing to drink much?

How does she feel about being intensely questioned about what she ate & drank by her mum’s new boyfriend who she has to call daddy, when her friend’s parents simply ask their children how their day was?

Even if there was a vendetta by the school and/or social workers against the OP, which is vanishingly unlikely given their workloads, wouldn’t any decent person want the child to be parented better?

I have had similar issues with a school and social services. I worked in a hospital doing training and I was told that since baby P they are needing to show that they are doing something so they go after parents that they can bully as it makes there job much easier. At the time I was told over 100,000 cases mostly single parents were brought before the courts. You are wasting your time talking to the schools as they are backed up 24/7 and so are social services. I would find another school and be very careful what you say as they use your personal history and the very words you use against you. It’s horrible what they do and people start believing them. I only had social services and the school involved for a few short months and after trying to get hold of Brian gerrish an mp who tackles social services injustice they all backed off and the case was closed. I asked for another another social worker who was very nice and couldn’t see why they were involved so they closed the case It did help that I was currently taking legal advice and had got a solicitor involved. It was all because I home schooled my son due to my I’ll health. Social workers and schools take their power over parents seriously. I even had teachers, School nurse and school receptionist giving me grief until I took control and got help. Suddenly after 8 weeks they all backed off as I was in the middle of talking to a friend on the school grounds about trying to get a camera crew in to investigate. I couldn’t believe the difference it made. whilst the real cases that need a social worker doesn’t happen they most often get involved with the ones where there isn’t a problem as it makes their job so much easier. Luckily for me I had a good friend who was a retired social worker who warned me what they were up to and how bad It would be. Let us know how you go on.

Please do a SAR request to the school and local authority. This will tell you exactly who started it all.

It certainly won’t. That would be a breach of GDPR since it would be a disclosure of the other persons personal data.

Or could make people have some legitimate concerns

I worked in a hospital doing training and I was told that since baby P they are needing to show that they are doing something so they go after parents that they can bully as it makes there job much easier.

🙄

It does seem like there's quite a lot of red flags waving, it's good they are looking out for your partner and her daughter.

I was told that since baby P they are needing to show that they are doing something so they go after parents that they can bully as it makes there job much easier

Who told you that?You think SS, Police, Health and Education are locked in some vendetta against single parents since 2007?

I doubt the OP will be back. And if he does return, I doubt he'll answer the questions people have.

I can believe the school doing tit for tat. It’s currently going on with my son. I reported an incident where he had to wait 30 minutes for an English gcse paper. The school blamed him for not advocating for himself. Then reported him for handling a “suspicious package” in a local playground. It was a jumper in a JD sports bag! I’ve also been reported for broken bags (Amazon delayed delivery by 2 days, so it was stitched together), broken shoes (done by accident at school), no reading done at home (on a second reading diary, signed off by teacher) etc.

NHS staff did have access to childcare. They were virtually the only people who did at the start of lockdown.

Your post is aggressive. I can imagine you come across as aggressive to the school and child.

I agree with another poster who focused on the child's perspective. Our family had involvement from CSC and their central focus was on our children (not us). So, from the child's perspective, there could be an awful lot of disruption. Within the past few months, she has moved school, she has moved home, she spends a lot of time with a man who she has only known for a short time, she has known abuse in the past, she feels like she is being questioned about what she drinks and so on, (perhaps) she goes to a club that she does not like and so on.

It may really be worth while, arranging an appointment to speak with someone at school. If the Head is too busy, then try the deputy. Ask the school about their concerns and make clear to the school that you have considered the amount of change that has occurred in such a short time in the child's life. Make clear that you really want your child to be happy and settled, and that you will take on board any advice the school have to give.

It could be the case that your child feels she cannot talk about her feelings and worries at home (perhaps she does not want to upset mummy or daddy), but she does express them at school. This was certainly the case with our sons.

You may also benefit from trying to access some counselling yourself. My husband is an older autistic man. He experienced an awful lot of misunderstanding (including direct abuse) before he was diagnosed (at the age of 52). He is now in his early sixties and only just seeking help for the trauma of his past

OP you need to provide more information here as we're not getting the full picture and it's difficult to advise without context.

Why did someone at the school gates say the head would have a problem with you? Do you know this person, did you ask them why? Is there something in your background that might raise concerns.

Many posters working in child safeguarding have said SS would not pick this case up unless there were specific and serious concerns. What do you imagine they are?

I have to say this child sounds very vulnerable to me. Mother moves in with a man she hardly knows because she doesn't have childcare, and leaves the child with the new boyfriend (and is encouraged to call him daddy) while she goes to work.

Are you going to elaborate?

Same happened to us in our case we asked for extra support for SEN and found ourselves accused of Fii (fabricated or induced illness) it happens a lot - schools attempt to discredit parents to avoid paying for extra support

Not the case- we were given all emails and call details etc and saw exactly where it started and what the teachers etc were emailing to each other, the gp and school nurse

I would be willing to bet the school have legitimate concerns more regarding your partner and her evidently poor decision making. I have no reason to think you’re anything other than a nice normal man OP, however your partners decision to move a man into her home where she has a child after 4 months is extremely poor.

Not the case- we were given all emails and call details etc and saw exactly where it started and what the teachers etc were emailing to each other, the gp and school nurse

well that was completely wrong of them to disclose. You ought not to have known who sent any of the emails etc

For the school to be questioning whether you are abusive I think your style of telling off/questioning must be too aggressive. I agree with the school they can't be expected to keep tabs on how much water 30 kids per class are drinking (you sounded like you thought they were unreasonable to claim that) I'd have told a child to drink more in future but it's not a telling off offence. It sounds like you are overreacting to things

Head teachers have to provide lots of evidence regarding concerns. This could be logs of concerns about the child’s behaviour/lack of food, unusual demeanour etc etc made my school staff over a period of time as well as reports from outside.
something doesn’t add up here.
why would you get three visits if SS were not concerned.
this will be on the child’s record and would go with you to any future school anyway.

I'm sure you are doing a good job from your OP, however it has been a whirlwind experience for the child in question.

No enough to warrant SS plenty of women bounce into new relationships at speed and allow the DC call new partner Dad.

I'd raise the issue above the head to the board of management for a independent review if that is possible.

why would you get three visits if SS were not concerned.
The conclusion after the 3 visits were no concerns found.
The standard is 3 visits for an investigation if reported to them.

@DebtWorry
Me too. Ds1 NHS ASD diagnosis disputed. Accused of fii. My lawyer said it was harassment - systematic bullying of a parent over many years.

It goes on. Occasionally. Most MN'ers probably don't believe it does though.

I'm not sure if GDPR applies to this situation.

My DC have SN. I'm in a support group, many parents who've had concerns that professionals aren't being truthful have requested all the information held on them through GDPR.

I'm not sure of the process or if it applies to you.

We can't say whether it's the school Mia reporting or not as there isn't enough info.

I agree with others that the reason why someone told the OP the head would have an issue with them is important to unpick? Did he know this person? Why would they say that? Did the mean his appearance? Behaviour? Or what?

The conclusion after the 3 visits were no concerns found.

The OP is clearly not a reliable narrator.

Nor are some others in this thread. Before believing anybody was a victim of a SS vendetta, please look at their posting history.