It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

[Littlebitlost0001]

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

Assuming he’s remembered, see it for what it is…a nasty and passive aggressive way at getting back at you. Massively unappealing in anyone, let alone a husband. I’m almost embarrassed for him.

Oops….happy birthday 🥳 😁

Happy Birthday, why not treat yourself by leaving this nasty man.

I agree, I think you should start planning his exit.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

Please tell me the house is solely in your name?

Had you had any previous discussion about the fact that it was your birthday coming up? What does he usually do for your birthday? Has he got form for treating you like shit in general?

Just trying to get a handle on whether he's completely forgotten (which would be crap, but not actively vindictive) or whether he's actually deliberately ignoring it (which would be really vile).

I don't think you can just let this go, to be honest. I would say, in the most neutral and non-confrontational way possible, that it's your birthday today and you were wondering whether he was deliberately ignoring it or whether he's just forgotten. If he usually does do something/buy you something, then it's pretty natural to ask him why this year is different.

Happy Birthday 🥳 🎂

Two things to do today, buy a treat or present for yourself, and chuck this useless selfish spiteful bloke out of your life.

Happy birthday!
Do something with your lovely son today even if it's sharing some birthday cake.

Agree with PP - give yourself a great birthday present by dumping this POS.

@Meraas The house is in my name, but he often reminds me it is a “shit hole” in fact it’s not, I’m very blessed it’s a lovely 3 bed semi with a huge garden in a very good area. Just needed a little TLC which it is getting now.
My son told my last night while I was putting him to bed that dad said it’s my fault we are living in this house of a shit hole.

He also definitely knows it’s my birthday he had brought it up a few weeks ago. He doesn’t do much unless I initiate the idea. I don’t expect anything just to be acknowledged I suppose.

He can be very nasty and cruel.

The argument yesterday was because there was no food in the house from morning only enough for my DS and he knew this, I’d hoped he would pop to the shops as I was feeling very faint and weak. He didn’t decide to go until 2 1/2 hrs later, so I got dresssed and went myself and almost bloody fainted on my way back.
I still came back and made food for him and DS before myself and then later he decided to lay out his abuse on me.

Happy Birthday OP! 💐🎂

Your partner sounds quite cold and detached. I get that this isn't a snap decision to be made, especially with another baby due very soon but I'd personally be questioning what I was getting out of the relationship. At a bare minimum I'd want him to recognise that his behaviour today has been cruel, unacceptable and he's not to do it again.

I think you know what to do... Ditch him. You, your son and baby on the way deserve someone who can treat you all with kindness and respect.
Happy birthday 💛

Happy birthday!

Treat yourself to something nice today

Happy birthday love. 💐

Treat yourself to some boots to kick his arse to kingdom come. Seriously, get rid.

Your partners an abusive shit, and he’s teaching your poor son to be like that too. Why are you still with this man. He clearly doesn’t like you, your poor son he’s making these awful comments to, or your ‘shit tip’ of a house.

Happy birthday.

he sounds awful.

Happy birthday
Give yourself (and your child) the best present and kick his selfish abusive arse out of your house.

He sounds awful and abusive. Have you thought about kicking him out? You and your DC will be happier without him. Happy Birthday x

It's not often I say LTB but in this case I would. He's bringing nothing to the table and if I was you I'd kick his arse out of your 'shit hole' house and be done with him.

This is the point to kick the twat out.

He is trying to fill your sons head now, that you are a bad person.

That's dangerous and toxic and cruel. Make plans to kick him out. I appreciate you have a baby due imminently, but begin formulating a plan.

Happy Birthday 🌷. Treat yourself to a better life by dumping your horrid husband. You own your own home, have a lovely little boy and don't put up with being treated so badly.

Happy birthday, I hope you can treat yourself today, buy yourself a small gift and a cake x

I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Sorry but why is your bar so painfully low?! Why the fuck wouldn't you expect a gift and card from your own husband on your birthday?! And if you don't expect a gift and card, why are you arranging weekends away for his birthday?!**

Kick this waste of space out and raise your bar for next time!

Op he sounds so cruel. Particularly the part where he put you down to your son.

Is there a way of safety getting rid of him asap? You might not want to but you definitely need to consider what he is bringing to this relationship. It doesn't sound happy 😥

Sending you birthday wishes. Hope our birthday love on here cheers you up a bit

Happy Birthday!

But I think you know that him ignoring your birthday is just part of much bigger issue...

This man sounds like an entitled, toxic and lazy waste of time.

Give yourself the best of presents today and get rid of him.