It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

[Littlebitlost0001]

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

Agree.

That poor kid.

Can you go & pick your son up from school, go out for some food & get a birthday cake and play him at his own game.
Just don't engage, don't cook for him etc.
Protect your son & your unborn child from him.

Happy birthday!! Please please please treat yourself to the gift of Getting Rid Of That Man.

He doesn’t sound like much of a partner

Please get rid. Your bar is so low it’s practically non existent.

Why didn't you tell your son about your birthday, you've deprived him and yourself of a possible cause for fun and celebration. Why did you expect so little for your birthday?

This man sounds awful, it sounds like you don't believe you exist, I think he's hoping you lower your standards so he can be a lazy bully.

Treat yourself to something nice and go for dinner with your child.

Oh yes, then leave, and get therapy before he does you both more damage.

so he’s trying to turn your child against you?

What advice would you give to a friend who was in this scenario?

How much does he pay towards the house eg mortgage contributions etc?

so many indicators of abusive behaviour. Do not stand for it OP, it will only get worse. Sorry.
you sound lovely and resourceful and independent though. You can deal with it and will when you are ready.
In the meantime, happy birthday 🎂 💐

Treat yourself for your birthday.

I'd go for a locksmith and a takeaway.

How much does he pay towards the house eg mortgage contributions etc?

I was about to ask the same thing.

Your son will be mortified if he finds out he missed your birthday, OP. Please tell him when you pick him up from school, and go to a cafe together for a treat.

And yes, every day your son spends with a dad who puts you down to him, is damaging to him and to you. Please think seriously about whether you want this relationship to continue.

I agree with the pp saying take your boy out for an afterschool celebration and it's a great idea to give him a tenner to pick out a present for you. He will enjoy that. Birthdays after a parent has died are always difficult, but I'm sure your Dear Dad always thought of you, just as you are thinking of him and of your son and new baby.

I would take this step by step with the top priority being making backup arrangements for yourself, your son and your new born.

Can you call Womens' Aid, just for someone to talk to and real life advice? Would your brother be able to stay fora while and help? Or friends from school?

The key thing I'm reading from your post is that you've described your partner as critical, cruel, and selfish.
That says to me that he is not a reliable person if you are about to give birth. Please let your mid wife know that you are unsure about how helpful he will be and that you are stressed and upset and see if they can offer any support and help and a back up plan. Can a school friend have your boy whilst you give birth? Get as much help set up as you possibly can.

Get rid and let him him go and find his own shit hole to live in.

Happy birthday. Hope you treat yourself. You could get a cake for you and DS and ditch DP. Double celebration.

Honestly you will be so much better off.

Oh Jesus. This is awful! Please please call a family member/ some.friends to support you and get him out.

In your shoes I would pick up my son and go somewhen nice for a slice of cake etc.

My sister finished with her boyfriend for forgetting the anniversary of our mum's death. They had been together for 4 years and she said it was the final straw in him not caring enough. This is 10 times worse. He sounds absolutely horrible.

Happy Birthday!!
You should have told your son, he would have been so excited for you.

The rest... I couldn't stay with someone like that.

Happy Birthday OP

Does he have any redeeming features? From everything you've described and from your last post, this is clearly a passive aggressive 'punishment'. He's an abusive dick, and isn't going to magically change so the best birthday present you could give yourself is to promise yourself that this time next year he won't be in your life anymore

Happy birthday

I’m hoping you’re not married so you can just kick him out. What is the point of him?

By the way, my cousin had a baby today :)

Please do something with friends, loved ones... ignore your partner.

Happy birthday op , congratulations on not marrying this nasty piece of work yet who slags you off to your son. This would be the perfect day / excuse to lock him out of the house and tell him to do one xxx

Happy Birthday.

I hope you are able to find the strength you need to leave.

You're improving your home and he sounds like a complete waste of space.

Your 8yo should know it's your birthday - why doesn't he?

You sound like you have a very low expectation threshold from other people. Of course you should be made a fuss of bc it's your bday - to even doubt yourself on that shows you have self-esteem issues.

Your dp sounds like a horrible twat and it WILL get worse when you have the baby, if you allow him to stay (which I wouldn't advise).

It’s your home, you don’t need him. Why do you allow him to treat you like this. If he thinks your home is a shit hole he can fuck off and live elsewhere. Your son deserves better and so do you.