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It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

273 replies

Littlebitlost0001 · 27/06/2022 11:58

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Amid · 27/06/2022 12:36

He's an abusive arsehole.

Leave him, please. Think of your kids if you can't muster the energy to do it for yourself.

Happy birthday 🎂

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Justcallmebebes · 27/06/2022 12:39

Assuming he’s remembered, see it for what it is…a nasty and passive aggressive way at getting back at you. Massively unappealing in anyone, let alone a husband. I’m almost embarrassed for him.

^This. Happy Birthday 🎉🎉 I hope your day gets better

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kateluvscats · 27/06/2022 12:39

Often thought this but never posted it - kick him out, sounds like a right nasty piece of work.

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ScrambledSmegs · 27/06/2022 12:39

I'm pretty firmly in the LTB camp, he's abusive and is trying to alienate your son from you (who uses that kind of language to an 8yo?!). I'd ask him to leave as he hates your home that much. The sooner the better.

However, please be exceedingly careful. You are 37 weeks pregnant and abusive men often ramp up the agression and violence when their partners are pregnant. Please get help from other people, don't keep quiet out of some misplaced sense of shame or guilt - you need to keep you, your son and your baby safe.

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caringcarer · 27/06/2022 12:40

OP, pop off to shops and buy yourself something nice. Think yourself lucky you are not married to this dick of a man. They way he speaks to your son is disgusting. Nothing much to recommend him really. Not a keeper.

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Kidsaretryingtodestroyme · 27/06/2022 12:40

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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ScrambledSmegs · 27/06/2022 12:41

Oh and Happy Birthday OP! I hope you can take a little time to look after yourself today.

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GroggyLegs · 27/06/2022 12:42

Happy birthday OP.

Each year of your life is a new chapter. Make this one about building a lovely life for you & your babies apart from a cruel and selfish man.

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GrazingSheep · 27/06/2022 12:46

Your son is living in an abusive home. He is being damaged for life by what he has seen.
You have to get rid of this man.

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P205 · 27/06/2022 12:47

Happy Birthday!!

I'd ask him to move out for a while so you can have some space. I bet you will find life a lot happier without him there.

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Cakecakecheese · 27/06/2022 12:48

Happy birthday.

Please start thinking about making plans to separate from him. Its bad enough hat he treats you so badly but he's badmouthing you to your son, this is terrible example to be setting him.

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HeadOnShoulders · 27/06/2022 12:50

I'm assuming you've been together St least 10 years, and your son would like to grow up with both parents. If so LTB isn't your option of choice. Then why don't you speak to him? Tell him how you feel and that you expect some recognition of your birthday.

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Laiste · 27/06/2022 12:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well - i think that's what they call 'tough love'!

Honestly though, for your children's sake, you should indeed be worrying more about how/when to get him out of your house than what he did/did not do for your birthday.

I was close to my father too and miss him a lot. In times of trouble i often think to myself ''i can imagine my Dad would go bonkers over this''. I bet yours wouldn't have wanted you to be treated like this x

Flowers and a Happy Birthday OP.

Make this the start of change for the better for you and your 2 little ones.

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Trixiefirecracker · 27/06/2022 12:50

Why is your bar so low? He sounds like a twat and as a birthday present to yourself, kick him out.

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MatildaTheCat · 27/06/2022 12:54

What would your Dad have said about this? I really don’t imagine he’d be happy for you to be putting up with this. Make plans that this is the last birthday you feel like this. Buy some cake and have a party with your son later.

Happy birthday.

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adorablecat · 27/06/2022 12:56

Cards and presents are not important, but basic respect and kindness are.

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CallOnMe · 27/06/2022 12:57

Best case scenario - he’s forgotten.
Worst case scenario - he’s remembered.

Both aren’t great but intentionally not saying anything just to hurt you is fucked up.

I could not be in a relationship with someone who constantly moans it would drag me down and I’d probably end up getting into depression over it.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

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CarpeVitam · 27/06/2022 13:00

Just thank goodness you're not married to him. Binning him will be so much easier!

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CarpeVitam · 27/06/2022 13:01

And Happy Birthday! 🎂

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BatshitBanshee · 27/06/2022 13:02

His attitude to you and telling your son that - I'd LTB. And I'm not a LTB voter but he is a nasty bastard.

Your house, you're paying for the Reno so adding on "locksmith" and "new locks" to the bill won't cost a whole lot. Seriously. You deserve so much better.

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MushyPeasPrincess · 27/06/2022 13:03

satelliteheart · 27/06/2022 12:36

I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Sorry but why is your bar so painfully low?! Why the fuck wouldn't you expect a gift and card from your own husband on your birthday?! And if you don't expect a gift and card, why are you arranging weekends away for his birthday?!**

Kick this waste of space out and raise your bar for next time!

This!!!

Why does he get to be treated nicely by you while treating you like crap?

Does he have a Golden Cock or know where you buried the bodies because otherwise I have NO idea why you are standing for this awful, abusive, take take take behaviour.

The only shit in your "shit hole" is him. He's nasty and he starting to teach your son to be a toxic misogynistic twat too. You and your son and baby to come deserve better.

I hope this has opened your eyes that his behaviour and treatment of you is NOT normal, respectful or loving.

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WhenDovesFly · 27/06/2022 13:04

Take your partner to the front of the house and say you have something to show him. When he asks what it is, say it's the front door, and if he thinks the house is such a shit hole then he should use it, and not come back through it.

Honestly OP, why are you with him? He's abusive to you, he's saying horrible things about you to your son. Please raise your bar and give him his marching orders.

And I hope your birthday improves and you receive some nice messages from friends/family.

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whynotwhatknot · 27/06/2022 13:05

Youre not married its your house-kick him out

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MumE78 · 27/06/2022 13:08

Happy birthday 🥳

Been there myself so I know how your feeling x

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Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/06/2022 13:08

Your bar is so low not even the worlds best limbo dancer could get under it.
You should expect a fuss on your birthday. Especially when you ate pregnant.
It's your house, your money, you are paying for everything and he no doubt is living rent free yet he criticises it and calls it a sithole and is mean about you to your son.
Get rid of this useless cocklodging prick and for God's sake don't marry him.
Trust me I've been there. It doesn't get any better.

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