It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

[Littlebitlost0001]

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

He's bringing nothing to your relationship
He should be enriching your life, not being nasty and turning your DS against you
For all of your sakes( including your unborn baby). Show him the door
I guarantee you will be happier without him
I think it would be the best present for this birthday and in the future
Happy Birthday, even if you just buy a cake to share with your DS
You deserve better

Where can you and your son go after school to have a nice birthday tea? He would want to celebrate with you and it's important to model to him being kind to yourself on your birthday if you want him to be nice to himself growing up. Chuck your OH out and enjoy a future of freedom as the best present to yourself ❤️

Ahh this is sad, however I was feeling I would never not wish someone HB & even sadder that your son doesn’t even know - at the very least your DP should be getting your Son a card to write & give to you. I sort a card from my DD to her Daddy & we’re not even together!

also, there is no way I would accept him calling the home you provided for him a ‘shit hole’ & telling your son that!!

awful!

Is he bringing anything to your life because it sounds as if he is just detracting from it? Get him out before he alienates your son completely from you by constant shitty, disrespectful comments. It's your house, you are paying for renovating, you are capable and obviously independent and don't need to be put down by this waste of space. You will never regret it (speaking from experience)

Happy Birthday, lovely lady.
Do yourself & your children a huge favour and kick the evil, twisted bastard
out! Apart from everything else, who in their right mind puts horrible remarks like that into an 8 year old's head?
If you kick him out today, it will be the best birthday you will ever have!

Op happy birthday 🎂
You are not married so you do not have to give him any financial assistance when you kick him out
Can you ask a friend to come over and help you pack his bags today and dump them outside
Get the locks changed immediately and get this abusive piece of s*@t out of your life
Have you got any support for the birth and child care of your son please don't rely on him

Please op listen to pps as difficult and upsetting as it will be kicking him out is the best thing for you

The tough love messages may be hard to hear but you are worth more! Having a man .. any man... is not obligatory.

Even if he said "happy birthday", it wont make it a "happy" birthday. There are other more important issues you need to deal with here OP.

You have a son and it's important he knows what a healthy relationship looks like and that respecting one another is important. Don't let him grow up thinking how his dad treats you is the norm.

Do yourself a huge favour and get rid of him, life will be much more peaceful and your kids will grow up much happier.

I do agree with those saying treat yourself. If you want a happy birthday, make it a happy birthday. Collect your son from school and go for coffee and cake to celebrate your birthday.

You could have told your kid. The fact you didn't means you like to wallow in self petty...

Or maybe she was upset and just didn't want to deal with it in the morning.

I would take your son out for a birthday treat after school.

"Get out of MY shithole"

Happy Birthday 🥂🥳🎂

This 1000%. Happy Birthday OP.

Kick him out and look forward to next year, in your lovely peaceful house with your 2 kids. He sounds like a total cocklodger, and a nasty one at that.

You're in a good position if you own the house and aren't married. Get rid!

I’m so happy that you’ve said the house is in your name. So many women have shit partners but no where to turn. And you have a house that’s all yours!

Give yourself the best birthday present of a happy life: kick him out.

Get a lodger if you need help paying the bills.

For today, pick up ds from school and go out for something nice to eat, just the two of you. Then go to a shop, give him a tenner, and let him pick out a present for you.

But you need to get your partner to leave. Thank God you are not married. I know you are vulnerable now, so maybe wait until you are back on your feet after the baby. Do you have family near by to support you practically?

Happy birthday OP!!

you should’ve told your son though; at 8 he’s old enough to remember “in 2 days time” and sure he would’ve been excited to make you a card! My daughter would’ve been upset to find out later in day and not have wished me a happy birthday! Your partner sounds an arse. Go buy yourself something lovely and then take your son out for cake / ice cream after school and even dinner out. Come home and when partner asks where you’ve been just tell him you’ve been celebrating your birthday!

Kick him out NOW before the baby comes. Once the baby is here you will be in a more vulnerable, helpless position.

If it makes it easier, why not frame it as a trial separation.... and that you think he should move out for a while. Especially since the renovations are stressing him out so much.

Change the locks.

happy birthday! Make it a good one. Take your ds out for tea, treat yourselves. Exclude dh and don’t even mention where you’re going until you come back.

don't let your dh say nasty things to your son about you. Tell your son that sometimes his dad says unpleasant things, and that’s not kind and not fair but that your son should never feel worried about telling you what his dad says, because you can help him work out which of those things daddy says aren’t right or true. You can point out to ds that people sometimes say horrible things because they are grumpy and it makes them feel better to share the misery around. But that doesn’t mean we have to allow those miserable horrible thoughts to stay in our heads: we can decide to reject those ideas and not think about them. And point out that even if your home isn’t perfect compared to some flashy houses, it is the home you love sharing with your ds and you think that makes it as perfect as it needs to be.

Happy birthday

Give yourself the best present you can....get rid of him!

Why do you want to be with someone who in your own words is nasty and cruel?

Happy Birthday
Make thus the last one you spend with an abusive partner

Remove the abuser from your house. Bad enough that you’ve both chosen to inflict an abusive home on your kid for 8 years so far, to continue is just cruel.

I know I’ll be called callous

And rightly so, because you are.

Happy birthday OP.

He sounds like an absolute piece of shit tbh. I know it's difficult given how heavily pregnant you are, but I think you really need to start thinking of getting him out of your life. It's appalling to treat anyone this way, let alone someone heavily pregnant with his child!