It’s my birthday today and partner has not said anything to me

[Littlebitlost0001]

Hi All,

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this.

So for context.
Today is my birthday, I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have a lovely 8 year old boy. I am with my the kids dad but our relationship is strained.
Especially over the last week - we are having house renovations and he has consistently blamed me about them despite me saying to only do upstairs and later do downstairs but he insisted on doing the entire house together.

Plesse note I am paying for all of the renovations and we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while the bulk of the work was being done. It’s not ideal but I’m heavily pregnant and can manage.

There have been 2 big arguments in the past week and I am just blamed for absolutely everything, everything I do is wrong and selfish apparently.

He has not said anything to me, no happy birthday nothing.
My son doesn’t know it’s my birthday bless him so I just got him ready and he went to school as usual.

This day is especially tough for me as it will be the first birthday without my dad (he passed away almost a year ago and our birthdays are only a week apart - I was very close to my dad, he was a single parent and raised me and my brother alone).

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything .

My partners birthday was less than a month after my dad passed and I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us.

Thank you in advance anyone who reads/replies. X

I don't think I have ever said this on here before but tell this good for nothing waste of space to get the fuck out of YOUR 'shithole'.
I swear to goodness that whilst it will feel hard to do for many reasons you will not regret it in the long term, not one little bit.
Just tell him to fuck off, it doesn't sound as though he brings much to your life and you can financially manage without him.
Cancel the payments you make for his car. Let this man baby grow up and pay his own bills. Your budget will then be healthier.

Happy birthday 🥳
OP with every post he sounds worse.
Please get him out of your home and life.

Happy Birthday OP.

You have plenty of advice here about what to do with the guy squatting in your life complaining about the free ride he is being given.

I hope you will take your son today and do something nice for yourself today. If you can’t do it for you, do it knowing that he’s going to figure out it’s your birthday later and feel badly.

I'd wager the reason he is abusive about you and your house is pure jealousy. You sound like a woman who is very capable and together with financial means, and he sounds like a freeloading loser. He's abusing you and the house in the hope that he wears you down enough to think both you and your home are worthless, and so you end up gifting him half of it in an attempt to make him love you both and remain invested in your future. I've been with this sort of freeloading, cocklodging waste of space, wasted 13 years of my life on one. Luckily I never gave him what he wanted, woke up to the reality of it one day, and slung him out. And never looked back. You can do it too.

Happy birthday, OP.

Knowing that you're not married to this unpleasant man and that you're financially secure of him is the best present.

Life can be so much better than the one you're currently experiencing. you and your lovely boy will be so much happier without him.

Oh @Littlebitlost0001 - I’m guessing it’s already been said but by the sounds of it the best birthday present you could give yourself would be asking him to leave!! You say dp not dh - if you’re not married a split will at least be easier (& less costly as by the sounds of it you’ve got yourself brilliantly set up!). Happy birthday, enjoy your newly decorated home and baby with your darling ds in peace - you’ll definitely manage by the sounds of it!

Happy birthday and congratulations.

What would you say if it was your sister who had a relationship like this? I bet you would tell her she deserves much better.

Confide in her if you haven’t already. If I were you I would use the moral support when she visits to end things with your DP.

Happy birthday first of all. I think you should take your DS out to a cafe and you both treat yourself after school. He is old enough to know it is your birthday and he would be more upset if he found out afterwards.

As for your partner I personally would be stopping payment for anything of his as you are on maternity leave and need every penny. He sounds awful and after your baby is born or before if you can bear it I would be having a conversation to say that he is not to run you down to your son, he needs to start paying his way and the passive aggressive behaviour needs to stop. He does not sound supportive at all and it sounds like he will get worse. Maybe you have been blinded after your dad died but you deserve better.

Oh dear, this gets worse. He says it's your fault you're living in a 'shit hole' but doesn't contribute anything!

OP, he may be their father, but your son (and the new baby) shouldn't see you being treated like this. They mustn't learn it's ok to treat women so badly. He may have supported you immediately after your dad died, but that doesn't mean he's able to be so abusive now. I really do hope you take a good long look at this relationship. It may be difficult on your own, but surely it's better than putting up with this behaviour. You deserve so much better.

Apart from sperm this man has contributed nothing to the relationship, your home and makes your life miserable so you have really low expectations on anything.

and you let him stay why??

you and your children would be happier and safer without him.

imagine your children picking up on his behaviour and starting to act like him?

or them thinking this is what relationships should be like? This is how you treat a partner.

you are teaching your vildren that in the face of unacceptable, bullying behaviour you don’t stand up for yourself.

please get help in evicting this man from your home.

Get this piece of human garbage out of your home immediately. In fact, give me the address and I'll come and throw the bastard out for you.

When I first read the title I jokingly imagined lots of people saying LTB, but after reading OP's posts HOLY CRAP please LTB. I think I've only ever said that on one occasion other than this.

Your DP seems to bring absolutely nothing to your life. He's abusive and downright horrible. Imagine having to hide your birthday from your 8yo DS because you don't want him to be disappointed by the actions of his father? That's terrible.

I'm so pleased it's your house, and that he's dependent on you. What an absolute grade A arsehole.

I hope you manage to have a good birthday regardless(maybe call a friend or go out with your son) and that your birth goes smoothly. Maybe go to the hospital on your own. Get a taxi driver to take you (but not in his taxi). It'll most likely be far more relaxing for you!

Happy birthday!

In the final death throes of my relationship with my ex he deliberately forgot my birthday. When I raised it I was told I was "attention seeking".

It is a way to try and put you in your box and it is about contempt. I am so pleased you are not married and it is your home.

He can find his own home especially seeing as how he thinks your home isn't good enough. Let him see how he likes it then.

I would have to make him go. You wouldn't treat a stranger like this.

AIBU to even think my partner may wish me happy birthday? I don’t expect a gift, card or anything

Well, obviously no-one is going to say that YABU.

I don’t want this to come off as self pity, I just don’t know if IABU and not seeing another side to this

Well if there is another side, we don't know what it is. Based on your comments, YA obv NBU.

"...so I got dresssed and went myself and almost bloody fainted on my way back. I still came back and made food for him and DS before myself"

"...I still ensured I arranged a lovely weekend away for the 3 of us"

Why to either of them? You almost fainted, why then make food for this man? Why arrange a 'lovely weekend away'? Just stop. Your wagon is currently hitched to a complete pig. It can be hard to leave quickly, but you CAN immediately stop with all the scurrying around to smooth over his crap.

He sounds vile, but tbh, you sound as though you've slipped into the role of a long-suffering martyr, and your posts reflect that. Leave him, obviously - your kids deserve more - his presence in their life will be corrosive and unhappy.

Happy birthday to you. Hoping you do something lovely today

I do wonder if your ds might be more upset if you don't tell him but he realizes after? If you have any cards, put them up and just explain you were in a rush this morning. Can you have a little cake together and salvage the day?

Part 2 - am not sure there is anything to salvage from your relationship, sorry. He sounds like a selfish, cruel, thoughtless knobhead quite frankly
Your best birthday present would be to kick him out and breathe a sigh of relief

Seconded.

Jesus! What a horrible horrible HORRIBLE man. He is sucking the life out of you and treating you like a slave. What would your dad think of you living like this?
Please, get this vile user out of your house right now.
Your next birthday will be wonderful.

OP, will you have support for you and DC after the birth? If you have some good friends who can support you with some childcare for your DS whilst giving birth, I’d say get rid of this man now.

If you will need him to be around for some initial childcare, I’d be quietly planning on sending on his way a month or so after the birth when you are feeling stronger. I can’t see him being much use but he may be better than nothing.

This man is not a partner, he is a disgusting parasite. You are clearly capable and intelligent so don’t be fooled into thinking you need him.

It may not be right to kick him out yet, but the writing is on the wall.

Have a lovely time in a cafe with your DC after school pickup and happy birthday!

The best gift to yourself would be to get rid of this waste of space. This time next year you can be celebrating your birthday with friends and your son instead. Please do this for you and your lovely boy x

There are so many threads like this where the op lists everything she does for her DP which usually includes all the housework shopping etc and then seems surprised when she is treated like a slave. Op, please don't allow him to treat you like this, tell him to leave and get some self esteem. Noone I know in real life does not expect a card or present from their partner.

Sweetheart you have (understandably) lost perspective on what is normal in a relationship. This isn't normal. Loving partners don't say stuff like this and loving partners buy birthday presents for their loved ones. I bet your DS would heave a huge sigh of relief if you kicked this horrible man out.

Bottom line is that if someone is “cruel and nasty” then you should not have them in your life.

...and now should they be in your children's life.

Please make this a birthday to remember, and tell him it's over.

Ah, I see now that you have an infestation of the parasite most commonly known as the 'cocklodger'.

OP you're in a good position here in that you're in employment and you own your house.
What do you want to do though?

Your post has made me sad. Your little lad sounds so lovely. You're doing everything for your family and your partner's doing nothing but being cruel and making your life extremely unpleasant. Who does he think he is? I really can't see why you're with him.

I've been with mine for 7 years and have never seen him on my birthday or Christmas because he's a selfish git. Go treat yourself and buy something nice, and certainly don't buy him anything ever again!