He cheated and she’s gorgeous

[Talos]

Been seeing a guy for 6 months. He had an affair previously and left his wife for the woman. She’s 16 years younger. They were together on and off for 5 years but she broke it off. He told me he still has strong feelings for her but that he loves me and wants to be with me…. A few weeks ago he met her and said they went to his and kissed. He says they didn’t sleep together. She is apparently moving back here (the city where we both live). He has promised he won’t contact her.

Yesterday he said he is going on a years sabbatical (leaving late next year) for work. That he’s going to Sicily. She is Italian and lives near there. He said that’s not relevant and that I should go with him. It’s made me feel pretty sick - he says it’s really not linked in anyway.

Problem is that I googled her, she’s young, pretty gorgeous, looks like a bloody model and is twenty years younger than me …. I’m slowly killing myself with paranoia and insecurities.

I honestly feel completely awful about the whole thing and I know it was just a kiss, but I am now desperately trying to lose weight / be more attractive and it’s making me miserable.

AIBU to feel this way? How do I deal with this?

He’s shagging her - or trying to at least.

You dump him. This could not possibly be any clearer. How would he feel if you "just a kiss"ed an ex or work colleague?

Know your worth, run! Your head will always be wrecked with this one, the relationship is ruined.

He cheated.

Tell him to fuck off and never speak to him again

The trust is gone.

Just the first paragraph alone would have me running for the hills

Oh, please throw this one back op. He's not a keeper!💐

Sorry it sounds like you're a place holder as it's her he really wants. He hasn't treated you well and it's only been six months!

Nah, why would you put up with this shit from some knob you've only been seeing for a few months? He is a cheater, you already know this.

Ditch him. Also don't punish yourself by dieting or whatever, lose weight positively for yourself if you want to, not because you feel inadequate

Not only has he kissed someone else you know he has form for an affair because he's had one. You know he has feelings for her why are you competing get out now and fast

I would end the relationship if I were you. He has told you he has strong feelings for her, he kissed her when they met up (at the very least, may well be more to it), and now he when on sabatical, of all the places in the world he could go to, he is going to the place near her? I think it is obvious where his interests lie and they aren't with you. Move on and find someone whose focus is on you. Don't tie yourself in knots trying to keep someone who isn't into you.

You're being unreasonable trying to change the way you look for that dickhead. It's only been 6 months, cut your losses and find someone who is worth your time. If he can't go 6 months without 'kissing' someone else there's no chance of a long monogamous relationship I'm afraid.

YABU to stay in this relationship.
Cut your losses and run he is snagging her or at least trying to. You will always be second fiddle to this woman

Don’t move to Sicily for a man you’ve been seeing for 6months who may or may not be sleeping with a woman 20years your junior. The whole thing is a headfuck you just don’t need. Wave him off to Sicily and replace him with someone who makes you feel happy and secure.

YABU have you no self esteem at all? Dump him and move on. So much pointless drama

he fancies this woman enough that he blew up his marriage to have sex with her

You think he is going to resist her for you?!

move on, he values her and his attempts to be with her over anyone or anything else

no weight loss or new haircut is going to override whatever infatuation he has for this woman

You dump him. This could not possibly be any clearer

This.

Ditch him. It's not worth it.

Problem is that I googled her, she’s young, pretty gorgeous, looks like a bloody model and is twenty years younger than me …. I’m slowly killing myself with paranoia and insecurities.

No, the problem isn't that she's gorgeous. The problem is that you've attached yourself to a man who has form for cheating, he's told you he still has strong feelings for his ex and now he's cheated on you with her. You're not paranoid, he's a cheater so you're 100% right to be suspicious of him! You're only a few months into the relationship, this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. You can't trust him, get the hell out while you've still got a shred of dignity left.

He cheated on his wife with this woman. He cheated on you with this woman. He will cheat on you some more given half the chance.

You’re weight isn’t the problem. His lack of moral fibre is the problem…

Your!

Cut and run you'll save yourself so much heartache in the future.

You dump him.

He is a cheat, you has kissed someone else (cheating in my book) and he will do more given the option.

Six months into a relationship he should be making you feel amazing but it’s the opposite. No good will come from this relationship.

You’ve only been together 6 months and he’s openly told you he’s kissed another woman that he also has feelings for. He’s taking the piss and your a fool if you stay with him for another minute.

Raise your standards fast! Walk away and hold your head up high.

He says they didn’t sleep together.

Yeah right. It hurts I know, but be glad this has happened so early on so it's unequivocal that you should ditch his cheating arse. He doesn't know what love is if he thinks it's kissing his ex when you're only six months into a relationship. Beyond that, there's absolutely no way you should uproot your life for a guy like that. You can't trust him, you never will be able to and nor should you. The fact she's good-looking is 100% neither here nor there. Get past that and get rid of him.