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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He cheated and she’s gorgeous

219 replies

Talos · 27/06/2022 09:18

Been seeing a guy for 6 months. He had an affair previously and left his wife for the woman. She’s 16 years younger. They were together on and off for 5 years but she broke it off. He told me he still has strong feelings for her but that he loves me and wants to be with me…. A few weeks ago he met her and said they went to his and kissed. He says they didn’t sleep together. She is apparently moving back here (the city where we both live). He has promised he won’t contact her.

Yesterday he said he is going on a years sabbatical (leaving late next year) for work. That he’s going to Sicily. She is Italian and lives near there. He said that’s not relevant and that I should go with him. It’s made me feel pretty sick - he says it’s really not linked in anyway.

Problem is that I googled her, she’s young, pretty gorgeous, looks like a bloody model and is twenty years younger than me …. I’m slowly killing myself with paranoia and insecurities.

I honestly feel completely awful about the whole thing and I know it was just a kiss, but I am now desperately trying to lose weight / be more attractive and it’s making me miserable.

AIBU to feel this way? How do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Peoplepissmeoff · 27/06/2022 10:40

I couldn't be arsed with the competition. He's already crossed the mark with her and the fact that he has told you he still has feelings for her would be enough for me to run. He has bad form as far as cheating is concerned and I would not be able to trust him. You'll be miserable staying in this situation, there are better men out there for you!

ifawftfte · 27/06/2022 10:42

He says they didn’t sleep together

Yeah and I'm the pope.
Just get rid of him. And don't move to Sicily with him. You probably won't be allowed to due to new Brexit rules anyway. But even if you could, you shouldn't.
Get rid of this loser immediately.

BadAtMaths2 · 27/06/2022 10:43

Cocowatermelon · 27/06/2022 09:27

Don’t move to Sicily for a man you’ve been seeing for 6months who may or may not be sleeping with a woman 20years your junior. The whole thing is a headfuck you just don’t need. Wave him off to Sicily and replace him with someone who makes you feel happy and secure.

Here you go. The only change I would make is - if you fancy moving to Sicily - go, but go on your own .

BadAtMaths2 · 27/06/2022 10:44

And he sounds like a complete catch.

Laurajane1987 · 27/06/2022 10:44

Do not move countries with a guy you've been with for six months first off.
Don't stay with a man who's kissed his ex.
Don't date men that sleep with women 20 years younger than him.
Don't date men that have cheated on their wives.
None of these situations end well and you've got them all wrapped up in one guy. Nope, nexttttttt dump him and be done.

MultiBird · 27/06/2022 10:45

Look how miserable he's making you.

Regularsizedrudy · 27/06/2022 10:46

I’m sorry but what the fuck are you doing with this guy?! He can’t even be faithful for 6 months and now he wants you to fly to another country with him AFTER 6 MONTHS IN WHICH HE HAS ALREADY CHEATED. Wake up and dump him oh my god.

Blueuggboots · 27/06/2022 10:48

Fuck him off!!!!

Summerfun54321 · 27/06/2022 10:51

How do I deal with this?

put him in the bin.

Phrenologistsfinger · 27/06/2022 10:52

LTB

AryaStarkWolf · 27/06/2022 10:53

You're only 6 months in, don't do this to yourself (or let him do this to you)

billy1966 · 27/06/2022 10:53

You are 100% tying yourself up in knots over a cheating asshole who you will never be happy with or trust.

Stop wasting your time, this is only going to end one way, that is with you getting badly hurt.

Dump him now and move on.

NeverFlyCoach · 27/06/2022 10:54

Throw the whole man away.

Blossom45 · 27/06/2022 10:57

This

BurnishedSteel · 27/06/2022 11:00

6 months in? There’s only one course of action - end it.

rnsaslkih · 27/06/2022 11:02

He doesn’t sound like a keeper.

AchatAVendre · 27/06/2022 11:06

Is this for real? Would anyone not actually just dump this cheating loser?

Alternatively, keep him on and maybe be promoted to his security at home so he can cheat with other women while you provide him with a nice safe base to return to as long as it suits him?

impossible · 27/06/2022 11:08

Dump him. I think you know you should but it's painful. If you don't dump him though the pain will go on and on. You will never be able to trust him. Do yourself a favour and call it a day.

Parsleys · 27/06/2022 11:11

Leave the rat.

GCAcademic · 27/06/2022 11:11

Come on, OP. You know the answer to your question.

Ihatemyroad · 27/06/2022 11:11

You’re in denial.

He wants her back.

i don’t believe it stopped at a kiss. He either cheated or tried to.

Of all the places in the world he just happens to be going on a sabbatical to the country and area she is from and lives in.

He is stringing you along whilst he tries to get her back.

Let him go, rebuild your self confidence, and in time you will see the situation more clearly. It’s hard to see things when they’re so close to you!

scj96 · 27/06/2022 11:13

Walk away. Do not look back.

WisherWood · 27/06/2022 11:14

Yabu to go out with a cheat, especially one who can't even bothered to hide the fact after you've been together six months. Dump him and work on your self esteem.

TheVanguardSix · 27/06/2022 11:15

Don't let this dysfunctional time bandit steamroll you into being the architect of your own misery. Throw the fucker back... and you'll notice immediately how much lighter you'll feel. You won't miss him nearly as much as you fear. Let go. It's easier than you think. As for the younger woman. Fuck it. Fuck her. Fuck him, with bells on. Who cares? You can't care about these things or such shallow people. Don't allow this silliness to destroy your sense of self-worth and self-respect.

GetThatHelmetOn · 27/06/2022 11:16

Why on Earth are you even entertaining this rubbish?

RUN before you get dumped. It is not that you have kids and a mortgage with this wanker and he is just having a bit of fun on the side with you.