He cheated and she’s gorgeous

[Talos]

Been seeing a guy for 6 months. He had an affair previously and left his wife for the woman. She’s 16 years younger. They were together on and off for 5 years but she broke it off. He told me he still has strong feelings for her but that he loves me and wants to be with me…. A few weeks ago he met her and said they went to his and kissed. He says they didn’t sleep together. She is apparently moving back here (the city where we both live). He has promised he won’t contact her.

Yesterday he said he is going on a years sabbatical (leaving late next year) for work. That he’s going to Sicily. She is Italian and lives near there. He said that’s not relevant and that I should go with him. It’s made me feel pretty sick - he says it’s really not linked in anyway.

Problem is that I googled her, she’s young, pretty gorgeous, looks like a bloody model and is twenty years younger than me …. I’m slowly killing myself with paranoia and insecurities.

I honestly feel completely awful about the whole thing and I know it was just a kiss, but I am now desperately trying to lose weight / be more attractive and it’s making me miserable.

AIBU to feel this way? How do I deal with this?

Of all the places in the world he just happens to be going on a sabbatical to the country and area she is from and lives in.

Right? It's insulting how unsly he is! It's an insult to one's intelligence. He sounds like an idiot, among many other things.

I voted YABU for changing yourself rather than kicking him to the curb because you can deserve better... hes a cheat who is in love with someone else, dont lower yourself.

Your not in competition with this woman so how she looks doesnt matter and nothing you do will make you 20 years younger, this man is not worth fighting for go find a real man who isnt a sleeze bag.

Cheats don't change. He cheated in the past and now he is supposed to be in relationship with you but kissing someone else. Dump him. He really is not good enough for you.

seconded

He is a serial cheat. You were a convenient bed warmer for six months but I think you have had your time in the sun with him. Give yourself the moral and emotional satisfaction of ending it before you are dumped.

I'm sorry to say this Op but If he "only kissed" her then I'm a dancing tree.
Its better you find this out after 6 months though and not 6 years down the line when you have kids and a mortgage.

Chuck him!!

He cheated on the wife.
He cheated on the woman he had an affair with.
He cheated on you.
He's a serial overlapper. He has to continually make sure he has a woman on the go by overlapping them.
It's the concept of women he likes, not the women themselves.
Women are his feelings management system to ensure he is never alone.
He probably wants you and her in the same location so he can pinball between you two.
He told you he kissed her and you still allowed him to have you after hearing that.
Now knows he's free to go and kiss her and shag her and you will tolerate that.
He's set it up so that women compete for him.
He's dis-empowered you already and made you doubt yourself. Get rid.

Let her have him, they deserve each other and you deserve much more!

shes moved here now moving back and hes following her

hes admitted cheating aswell arrogant tosser

I dunno. Sicily IS lovely. Can he even get you a year's visa for Italy?

Take the trash out.

Oh and does he have an EU passport or is Italian ? Because if not you can't just rock up for 6 months without a work or live visa 90/180 rule is in now post Brexit- so I'm smelling prime bullshit here , unless as I said he's from EU or Italian

He shouldn't be "just" kissing anyone. This is a man with a messed-up sense of what's right and wrong, and so he won't think "just" kissing is that bad. He has proven he is willing to cheat in a relationship. That mean's you won't ever be able to trust him. I'd walk away from this one.

You have only been in this relationship 6 months. Get out now. Keep your self-respect. There is no long term happy ending for you in this relationship.

Best case scenario is you are the fallback should the Italian woman reject him; worst case is that he will be with you but shagging the other woman too.

probably not bothered.

He doesnt make you feel secure that alone is a reason to say bye

Oh god, why are you with someone who is already cheating 6 months in???? It's not going to get better from now on - you're just a comfort blanket back up for him. He's cheated, told you he has strong feelings for her, cheated on his ex - come on now, he's a sleaze bag. Not the guy you'll grow old with. Dump!

He probably wants you and her in the same location so he can pinball between you two.

and maybe there will be a third or fourth one etc, who knows.

The only weight you need to lose right now is the massive, cheating dickhead you call your boyfriend!!

Just the fact he cheated on his wife would make me think twice about this guy!! Id expect the pattern to repeat… I really don’t think he’s worth it op! Deffo not a move to another country that’s for sure xxx

The above. And the only reason he's running after this woman is because she dumped him and is "hard to get". She's a "challenge", you're not. Nothing leaves a man child/narcissist more obsessed with a woman than being dumped, they go bonkers and never get over it. He's cheated on ex-wife, he's cheated on you and now he's obsessed chasing this young Italian model because she can't have her. She probably dumped him because she found out he's a skirt chaser and decided to keep him at bay. Italian women are very traditional and very used to players (Italian men) so they take no BS.

Do you really want to be involved with this man child? It's terrible for your self esteem, plus why do you want to get involved with someone who is moving to Italy? If you were important to him he would stay close to you. Obviously you're not. Chasing an unavailable woman is more important, just like you're chasing an unavailable man.

Dummmmmmmmmp him

First two lines for me!