My DP says I have no boundaries with my kids

[morekidsthanhands1]

so DP started criticising my parenting this eve. My eldest DS is 16 and just finished GCSEs and past 2 nights been at friends houses hanging out. He obvs doesn’t drive, there’s a train strike to public transport patchy, we live middle nowhere (would be 3 mile walk home from station on unlit roads with patches that have no footpath) and friends he went to last night and tonight also long walk from
nearest station. I know DS will have a couple of beers, I decide it’s first weekend post exams, but been out at all during exams except to kick a football around and PlayStation to let off steam. No parties. I offer to drive and drop and pick. Inevitably I get asked if I can give lifts to other friends, I say fine but can they get dropped at ours for me to take. Last night I pick him up and 2 friends were going to get train home but one little tipsy so I say I would be happy to drop off at home. Tonight party friend asked for lift so I agreed. Tho turns out his parents were waiting for him to call them to come collect. Anyway I don’t mind snd id rather see these kids home safely. If shoe on other foot I’d be vv grateful for anyone bringing my DS home. My DP tonight tells me I am bringing up my kids entitled and they are using me and I have no boundaries as I let DS go out 2 nights in row. I say it’s first weekend after exams so am letting him cut loose a little but dec don’t expect to be doing this all summer. Plus DS starts summer job next week so won’t be out all the time. He says I have no control. I def do have control but I also want my teens to be able to go out and enjoy themselves, when they’ve worked hard for exams. I can see his point a little but maybe I should be telling my DS to find his own way home. I picked him up tonight at 11 and last night 11:30.
my DP says I haven’t spent any time with him this weekend as been driving my own kids around.
new have 5 between us his kids teens but don’t ever got out or see friends when with us, spend whole time on their laptops in their room, even tho I’ve offered many times to have their friends over, DP doesn’t encourage it.
i am maybe going involved in kids lives? I should be tougher mum? Tell them get on with it and get yourself to and from places at night.
daytime we have bus service so they use that or walk but nighttime, I don’t know??? Maybe I should let them like my DP says I should

Excuse the typos! Am typing too fast!!

DP isn't your children's father, is that correct. He can jog on. I think you're right, your priority should be your kids and making sure they're getting home safe. I don't think your DC sounds entitled at all. If anything it's your DP who sounds entitled.

Not his kids? Not for him to say & I don't think you're doing anything wrong anyway.

He doesn't have his kids full time?

It's none of your dp's business.

In those circumstances I would want to ensure my ds was safe too. So what if you spend some time running kids home. If it saves you worrying then it's worth it.

Your dp sounds spoilt and petulant, just because he's not the centre of attention for once.

Based on your OP, you're offering the lifts freely so how are your kids entitled or pushing boundaries? They're not demanding them, they're not disrespecting you, and it is better for them to get home safely especially if you live somewhere that doesn't have great public transport.

Sounds like DP is having a sulk over not getting what he considers to be enough attention.

Seems like hes jealous of your son tbh. Tell him to bugger off. You're doing a great job with your son by the sounds of it.

I think you’re being a great mum to your son, making sure he gets home safely, along with his friends.
I would be getting rid of the partner to be honest. Nothing more unattractive than a grown man having a sulk because your kids are getting “attention”. Ick

You should be telling him to mind his own fucking business. You are doing what every normal, loving mum does for their kids. How dare he criticise your parenting in this regard. I'd show the fucker the door.

All of this.

My parents were like your DP. Never gave me a lift as a teen. I went out, lied a LOT about where I was and what I was doing and ended up in some dodgy situations. You're giving yours a little freedom and a little help and you know where they are and what they're doing.

Good job.

You sound like a lovely mum, who is cultivating a strong relationship with her son. He doesn't sound entitled at all. He sounds hard working, honest and like a good friend. Your partner sounds jealous of your son, both for the attention you give him and possibly also your son's youth and freedoms. He sounds controlling and spiteful and I'd tell him to fuck off to be honest.

My 3 know that I will ALWAYS pick them up if they need a lift. It doesn’t matter what time it is or where they are, one phone call and I’ll be there. Their friends know that to and I’ve had a few phone calls from kids I’m not related to when they haven’t been able to get hold of their own parents and need help.

We’ve recently moved somewhere with public transport but the same still applies. I’d much rather have a disturbed nights sleep than live with the consequences of them making their own way home.

I have been doing the same for my 2, one has just finished a levels and other GCSEs. In fact I have just got back now from a lift run which included dropping off friends. My dad did the same for me. I would not have anyone tell me that my kids have no boundaries, I am very proud how my 2 have come through the past 2 years considering all the covid challenges they have faced through their studies. Tell DP to suck it up or do one!

Your DP is a nasty little man.

I'd be telling him to get a hobby that doesn't involve attempts to fix people who have nothing wrong with them.

You don't need a big kid who sulks because you not paying him attention.

Tell your partner to keep his opinions about your parenting to himself - not his children so not his business .

Your boyfriend does not get to comment on your kids. None of his business. Keep your sex life separate to your kids. Boyfriend can focus on parenting his own offspring. No need for any kids to be dragged into your dating choices.

Fair play to you, you sound like a great mum. Your DP on the other hand sounds like a jealous prick.

One of the things you have to take into account if you live rurally is that teenagers will need lifts.
You're doing exactly the right thing.
I wasn't a pushover by any means when my lot were teenagers but I always took them to and from parties/Saturday jobs as otherwise they could've been unsafe or not even been able to go.
And yes, definitely had to help out other people's kids on occasion.
Your DP should be sharing the load, not criticising you.

You are doing a damn fine job, OP, your DP is talking out of his arse.

We always preferred and stressed to our children that we would far rather drop them (and their friends) off and pick them up whatever the time than lay in bed unable to sleep worrying about where there were and how they were getting back.

Our children and indeed their friends are not entitled in any way, were and are very appreciative and now more than happy to return the favour if necessary.

11 and 11.30 isn't all that late.

Please carry on with what your doing and tell your DP to do one.

He’s talking rubbish. You sound like a great Mum in supporting your son. He has just been through a stressful time with his exams, and great to see he wants to socialise and be with his friends before he starts his job. I had some of the best conversations with my teens during car journeys, and I know they (and their friends) appreciate it to this day all the miles I did. They will soon be driving themselves. DH should be doing it for his DC. My DC also knew they could call me any time of day or night if they were stuck, and should never put themselves in danger for fear of calling. Unbelievably this was not the case with a lot of children and their parents. Keep on with being a great Mum, DH should be supporting you, not criticising.

Normal decent parenting to want your children to get home safely.

I would be very wary of him.

Critical of you and how you parent.

Not understanding of this part of parenting.

I think he needs putting in his place and possible dumping.

Your childrens safety is your responsibility.

When I was a teenager my dad always insisted, no matter how late or how out of the way it was that I call for a lift. He'd always drop me off as well (most of my friends lived in a different town due to school location and out of school activities where I met them). He told me that his dad had always made him feel really guilty about getting a lift and he never wanted that to be the case. He also has a weird bugbear about taxis, doesn't think they're safe because of the amount of times he's been cut up by them or seen them do something risky (I suspect he's just subconsciously proving this to himself by looking out for them but there we go!)

My friends always thought this was amazing, they were left to their own devices and either had to get taxis to some really out of the way places which either didn't turn up or were really late or, when they started getting driving licenses would drive drunk or stoned. I am so so glad my dad did this for me (and never mentioned how obviously drunk or stoned I was, his car was a neutral territory!)

I absolutely intend to do the same for my children (they're far from being teenagers but when the time comes) and think you're a lovely mum for doing the same. Your DP can piss off tbh it's nothing to do with boundaries, it's looking out for your kids and keeping them safe. That part of parenting doesn't stop once they've grown out of being a toddler, it just changes form.

I drop mine off reminding them to just call for a lift if they want one, that I will happily drop friends off and to def ring if anyone is drunk. I remind them it’s no bother. I have never understood why my lovely parents never offered this. My dh does the same for me when I go out. Love is care.

You're a great mum. I do that for all 3 of our kids, more than happy to do it. Your DP is acting like an entitled brat.