To be shocked that in the 21st century there's still a staggering amount of women who rely entirely on their husbands?

[EllieRosesMammy]

I see it far too often on MN, women saying their husbands have been cheating on them for years or treating them absolutely terribly, but saying they can't leave because they are entirely financially dependent on their husbands.

Is it just me who finds this mad in 2022? Or is it still normal for men to be 100% the provider of the household?

I just couldn't imagine being stuck in a rubbish situation simply because of money

I am absolutely in no way slating stay at home mums, or house wives here either. I just believe all women should be self sufficient enough that if they're in a bad situation they can walk away

God yeah, it's one of the main reasons why I won't have kids. I dread being forced to be that dependent on a man.

Totally agree. It's shocking how many on MN seem to in this situation. For me one of the most important factors in all my decisions has always been that I will never be dependent on a man (or anyone else). Obviously that brings a different set of complications with it but at least no-one is telling me how to spend MY money.

Remind me of that Lady Gaga quote (see attached pic)

YANBU.

YANBU

I used to think the same op. Then I had 2 disabled dc. It's not always as black and white as you might think.

I’m in that situation currently and not one I ever thought I’d find myself in. Unfortunately it’s due to mental health which isn’t something I could ever have predicted. However the very idea of it terrifies me so as soon as I can I’m planning to get back to work and ensure I’m able to finance myself/DS just because it always sits better with me to be able to do that.

even though I have no reason to doubt DH, for me personally it’s not a nice position to be in.

I agree.
Even if a couple has decided that one parent will be a stay at home parent, their financials should be set up so they both have savings/contribute to a pension/, share the equity in the home etc. I think it’s unwise to stop working without thinking through longer term financial security.

Sadly it’s still very hard to balance working with being a parent due to things like childcare costs. So there will always be people stuck in this position.

There’s SO many women who do though. I love being independent and not relying on a man for a single thing! If only my husband’s ex could say the same. She’s still sponging of him despite the kids being adults and is now sponging of her new partner, poor bloke!

*off

The danger point comes when you’ve given birth. Children need keeping alive and that takes priority over the mother’s financial well-being.

It’s prac always the mother’s well-being in the UK. In countries with equal rights, parents share childcare at home and send DC off to free day crèches - no financial
hit or depency.

I think it's sad, but it's not as simple as the Implication being made that women somehow make bad decisions. The reasons this happens are so incredibly complex and start with the reality of biology but also include the fact that womens jobs are so often less well paid so the decision to dial back "makes sense" for the women; that men still don't value work done in the home and don't tend to do their share or be willing to sacrifice for it etc.

It's shit that so many women are financially unable to leave. But the reasons are myriad. Research shows that girls start earning less even as children ...> with less pocket money!

I agree. I took a calculated 'risk' to rely on my husband to support me financially whilst I retrained as a teacher. What happened? He left me whilst I was at my most vulnerable on SMP with no access to student finance until September.
I felt so stupid and ashamed as prior to this we had always kept money fairly separate and I had always paid my own way.
It has damaged my self esteem and I have vowed NEVER to be in this position again.
Always have a plan b.

I know plenty of women with kids who work, it’s not excuse.

If you can afford a mortgage, two sets of childcare fees and other living costs in one salary, then you earn a lot.

I don’t think I could, or if I could it would leave me with nothing,

I'm disabled. Theres fuck all I can do about it.

I recently went abroad with a friend ( first time shes ever been away without her husband) when we were at check in i handed her her boarding pass and she didn't have a clue what it was or what it was for because " her husband usually deals with everything" i was speechless!

I dont think its surprising when children are involved. It takes two people to make children and it doesnt surprise me that caring for and feeding/clothing/housing them takes two people on average.
I'm very impressed with lone parents who do it all without benefits and am pleased they can, im also pleased benefits are there to fill in for absent parents. But im not surprised many women end up depending on men for finances as men depend on women for being primary carer.

Children make the difference.

I'm not financially independent enough to walk away from dh if things go tits up. I just don't earn enough money to support myself and ds, I would need to change my job, which I am only doing because dh is willing to foot the bill for the majority of our household outgoings (in exchange for me managing it all)

However I am lucky enough to have a good enough support network, so that if I do need to walk away, I am able to.

Was about to say something along those lines.

Try going through stressful situations like major surgery and constant appointments and working that round a job with children who have additional needs.

What?!

Children need keeping alive? What on earth has that got to do with a woman's financial wellbeing? 😂

Just keep your job! Amazingly, the kids are still alive!

I agree to a point. I have a friend, 60, who went from her family home to her married one. She has worked but after her first baby suffered a miscarriage a year until her second 13 years later. She runs the house completely. Her husband pays the bills.
I think she would leave if she felt financially secure (he's a bully). So what can she do? No education beyond some mediocre A levels from the 70s. Minimum wage jobs with gaps of years.
What do you suggest?

🤣🤣 love your response!
The terminally lazy claim the kids wouldn’t be alive if they were to work - the horror!