To be shocked that in the 21st century there's still a staggering amount of women who rely entirely on their husbands?

[EllieRosesMammy]

I see it far too often on MN, women saying their husbands have been cheating on them for years or treating them absolutely terribly, but saying they can't leave because they are entirely financially dependent on their husbands.

Is it just me who finds this mad in 2022? Or is it still normal for men to be 100% the provider of the household?

I just couldn't imagine being stuck in a rubbish situation simply because of money

I am absolutely in no way slating stay at home mums, or house wives here either. I just believe all women should be self sufficient enough that if they're in a bad situation they can walk away

I don't plan on leaving dh. But, I earn, what I think is a decent amount, so does he. Combined, our income gives us a decent lifestyle (not the massive salaries usually quoted on here, combined we're around 35k pre tax). We both work f/t.
On our own I don't think either of us could live on our salaries in the current climate.

What a silly, naff, ignorant thread started by someone who knows fuck all about much by the sound of it. Grow up @EllieRosesMammy

Also, I know VERY few women who are 'totally financially dependent on a man.' Sure, a few women are, but many MANY women are not!

Most of the posts I see here about not being able to afford to leave relate more to not being able to afford to run two households, pay for childcare single handed etc.

If fewer men dodged their responsibilities on break up fewer women would be trapped in shit relationships because they're scared it might happen to them.

Not to mention employers stab you in the back every bit as often as husbands leave, and compensation or replacement is even less of a guarantee.

When will women stop competing with each other! Why not shit on the men who leave us financially screwed instead.
I'm a SAHM by choice. Makes financial sense for us. DH has a demanding job and we have 3 small children. But more importantly, I completely adore being with my children and I personally believe at home with mum is the best place for small children. I consider it an immense privilege that I have a wonderful husband to rely on.

Adorable response.

I am aware that a lot of women aren't finanically dependant on men, but just this thread alone and many others on mumsnet (such as one the other day where a woman stated her husband had been cheating for years but she couldn't leave because she would have to give up her pony) proves otherwise.

My question was why do some women still allow themselves to be financial dependent this day and age, not a statement suggesting that all women are.

We all scream for equality for women yet a staggering amount still allow themselves to be bullied and controlled, both emotionally and finanically.

I can guarentee you that I've most likely experienced more in my life than most people in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Poverty, deaths of parents and children, separation, eviction. So don't try and tell me I know fuck all about much because I started a thread asking a question.

In an ideal world yes but being a sahm is usually about the childrens best interests not the parents.
Why should the children suffer being juggled about in childcare just because daddy might cheat and leave mummy.
why should mum run herself into the ground giving birth, raising children, working, cooking, cleaning and killing herself in the process because dad might decide to walk out.
shouldn’t we be teaching young men to be committed to their families and wives?.

im a working mum of 3 but I was.a sahm Before they started school. I’ve also worked in childcare and I can tell you those children aren’t happy children.

@Kabalagala

Why mum?

Why not at home with dad?

@Sunshine10012

Shouldn't we be teaching young girls they can be anything they want to be, not just mums?

Middle class? Who's middle class? I live in literally the most impoverished town in the ENTIRE of the UK (Middlesbrough), no one round here is middle class 😂

Because biology.
But as I said, "personally". Everyone should do what works for them.

@Kabalagala

What biology?

I don't know what's worse, being financially dependent on a man or being as sheltered, smug and middle class as some of the people on this thread

Middlesbrough is bloody cheap which I suspect helps

See, that's the thing.
I was perfectly in agreement with you, we should be teaching men to be committed, CMS is a joke, etc.

But you just HAD to throw in that little barb about childcare, didn't you?

Maybe it's confirmation bias. The SAHM will always 'remember' the SAHM bashing comments, conveniently forgetting the rest. Same for the WOHM.

But as I said this is standard, a smug little insult about how childcare is bad for kids, was just waiting for this to appear :)

My kids were 6 and 8 when I got divorced. Prior to that I did the majority of parenting, cooking, cleaning etc. We've always co-parented 50/50 since, he had no choice but to step up and my god has it done good to the kids!

We co-parent well and not only has it taught our dd that mum can build a career from scratch and gain qualifications, its also shown that dad's should parent too in that way. It's also taught my ds that dad's can step up too and shown certain things aren't all just "women's work".

No wonder we are going around in circles because all its teaching our boys especially, is its OK to expect the woman to do everything in the house and the childcare whilst dad works because they've grown up watching their own parents have that dynamic! So nothing changes.

Also @Sunshine10012 in an ideal world BOTH mum and dad would do the cooking, cleaning etc. Nobody has to kill themselves over anything..

A few of my friends (we are in our middle 50's) have met men when the women were in their late 20's and upwards. The men have either earned more or inherited, so if the relationship broke down the women can't afford to house themselves in the area. Then there's if it's bad enough to leave. A life of lower level abuse/cheating is no worse than a life of poverty/insecure/crap housing. Living in a deprived area you must know how women end up with zero income. Jobs don't pay enough to be able to afford childcare. Should we tell our DD's to never marry financially 'up'?

Not lately it isn't 🤦‍♀️ diesel is above £2 per litre, average price for a 3 bedroom house to rent has gone from around £500 per month to £800. Childcare costs, food bills & everything else is on the rise round here, yet our wages aren't going up enough to match

I am absolutely in no way slating stay at home mums, or house wives here either. I just believe all women should be self sufficient enough that if they're in a bad situation they can walk away

Yes, as long as they're self sufficient financially. I've seen too many people come a cropper when they're not and with being out of the workforce for so long. I'd never advise it long term.

I would probably be classed as dependent on my DH. It was very apparent when first DC was born that neither of us had sufficient flexibility to cut hours etc so it was simple mathematics. The higher earner stayed and I stopped. PT wasn't an option. Savings etc are in my name, though, we're both insured, I have my own pension.

I started working PT seven years ago but couldn't support us on that although it's a step back to where I was. I am unlikely to return FT though.

I am always really interested to know in threads like these how many women manage to work full time without other family support. We have none. And there is absolutely no way I'd have held down a full time job in the past few years as a result due to children's absence. If we'd both been working FT, one of us would have had to stop.

At the end of the day, it works for us. I don't think it's anyone else's business. If I felt the need to leave, I would. But I don't.

Only until the dc are in full time education, then they are fucked. Often women don't think about this until its too late 😔

No honestly, all my friends who were SAHMs and are now divorced have come out of it in very good shape, and their children are in their teens now. It slightly pains me to acknowledge it, but they are better off than me and very far from fucked.

The friends who are broke after divorce are the ones who always worked because the household needed two incomes. Now there is only one income and a small amount of maintenance.

A three bedroom house around here is literally double that at about £1600 a month. I honestly feel incredibly lucky to even have a dp I can rely on, I'd be totally fucked if I was alone and I resent people insinuating that it's through my own poor choices and not the shit show that is the cost of living crisis

@LadyIckenham

You didn't discuss how you would look after the kid before you decided to have 1?

I find so many posters on threads of this topic are idealistic.
It seems most posters on these threads have amazing flexible, well paid secure jobs and so do their partners.
In RL very often there are inequalities and other factors that mean someone earns much more or has far less flexibility, things arise that throw plans off course because life is so unpredictable.