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Stepson eats with us but my kids don’t
335

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 16:35

This is probably going to sound petty, I’m pregnant and having a difficult one so maybe I’m just being silly and emotional and ridiculous.

so dp and I live together, he has a child from previous, and I have 3 from previous. My children are with us mon-fri, his fri-mon, apart from holidays where we have them all together for at least half the week.

when my children are here, I tend to give them their tea about 5.30-6, and then me and dp eat later usually around 7.30 as he’s not normally home till then. By this time kids are in bed or at least having quiet time in their rooms so we eat and watch some tv, this is our time I suppose. We both work full time so evenings are the only time we get really like most parents I guess.

when his son comes to us, he always has tea with us, and it’s not because we eat earlier weekends, we don’t, we still eat around 7.30 as that’s just our routine now, but he always eats with us, even if it’s a takeaway. My partner likes my children in bed by 7.30, so we can have some us time, that’s fine, I totally agree with it, but at weekends For my step son it’s different. He eats with us, and doesn’t go up till 8.30-9. He’s 5 if that makes a difference. My kids are a bit older, youngest being 8. I brought it up with my partner that I think his son should eat earlier then we eat separately like we do in the week, but he thinks I’m being absolutely ridiculous.

just to add, in the holidays when we have all together, they all eat separately and go up, we eat tea just us 2. So it’s only the weekends.. but I don’t think it’s very fair to be honest. He has this rule for my children but not his own? Shouldn’t it be the same for all of them? I honestly don’t know if I’m being a knob here so please tell me if I am and I’ll drop it.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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RewildingAmbridge · 24/06/2022 16:37

I assumed his child was older and then it made sense, the current set up doesn't seem fair. Could you eat early in one of the weekend evenings so step son doesn't eat alone but still goes up to bed at a reasonable time?

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Raspberryjam22 · 24/06/2022 16:38

Your youngest is 8 so how old are your other 2 ? 7.30 seems early for bed at that age .

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JellyBellyNelly · 24/06/2022 16:38

Your partner can always get another partner but your children will never have another mother. Get rid of the partner and start giving your children the respect they deserve as your children. Just why would you put up with us?!

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ZeroFuchsGiven · 24/06/2022 16:38

Surely if your dc were there at weekends you would not be putting them to bed at 7.30 and if your dss was there during the week he would be going to bed at 7.30?

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HogDogKetchup · 24/06/2022 16:39

Your husband is being ridiculous. It should be a rule for “the kids” basically he prefers the company of his own child and not yours. I guess that’s fine but it needs to work both ways.

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RandomMess · 24/06/2022 16:39

Slowly shift your DC tea and bed time so you all eat together?

You start eating with your DC and let him cook his own/reheat his?

Everything is about to change when you have a shared DC and their needs to be house rules for all the DC, tweaked depending on age.

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PeekAtYou · 24/06/2022 16:39

If stepson had an earlier dinner would someone sit at the table with him what he ate ? As there's only one of him, it's not like your kids who have company while eating.

I was going to say Yabu until you mentioned that he's 5. The later bedtime does sound Disney dad.

As a mum would you say that 7:30 bedtime is right for your kids? My kids were up later than that at age 8 but it depends what time they get up for school too.

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Immaterialatthispoint · 24/06/2022 16:39

How on earth are your kids eating at 5.30 and in bed by 7.30 if the youngest is already 8?

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namechange30455 · 24/06/2022 16:40

I think you can reasonably have a different rule for weekdays and weekends. Do you never have your DC at the weekend, and he always has his?

I don't think you're unreasonable to raise it. Could you all eat earlier at weekends and then DC goes to bed at 7:30?

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Mangogogogo · 24/06/2022 16:40

Please stop sending your children upstairs at 7:30 over the age of 8 to please your partner. They will remember. And they won’t look back fondly.

do you not like chilling with them on a night? Watching tele? Eating dinner together?

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lickenchugget · 24/06/2022 16:40

I wouldn't be putting up with this, he has golden child syndrome. From experience, this won't change, take your kids and run. Then you can put your kids to bed when YOU want.

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Midlifemusings · 24/06/2022 16:41

It is normal to stay up a little later on weekends / non school nights.

I think this is a weekday vs weekend issue not a your kids vs his kids thing. If you have Mon-Fri evening to yourselves, and his kid is there a lot less, I can see his child styaing up later with you all.

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Skelligsfeathers · 24/06/2022 16:41

The whole family should be eating together.

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Clymene · 24/06/2022 16:41

He sends your 8 year old to bed at 7.30 while his 5 year old is up until 9?

Absolutely no way. One rule for all the kids.

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Aquamarine1029 · 24/06/2022 16:41

Your youngest is 8, and all of them are in bed by 7:30? Really? Your partner doesn't want to be around your kids.

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rainbowandglitter · 24/06/2022 16:41

How old are your children if the youngest is 8 and they're all in bed by half 7? Seems very early. I'm of the opinion that children should eat with adults most of the time. A family meal sets good values, manners, time to chat etc. Surely how it is now you're making 2 sets of meals every night?

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Oneborneverydecade · 24/06/2022 16:41

I'd be re-evaluating my relationship if my DH wanted my children out of the way every evening - but especially if the rule was different for his child. Your pre teen/teen kids must be spending a fair amount of time upstairs? Losing time in the evening is frustrating sometimes but imo it's part of being a parent

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Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 24/06/2022 16:41

He is clearly telling you who is the priority here...
Leave and go make your dc yours....
Or imo you will regret it..

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QuillBill · 24/06/2022 16:42

I'd shake up the routine a bit.

You could eat with your dc some nights and you could go out with friends some Friday and Saturday evenings and come home at dss's bedtime.

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Aksbdt · 24/06/2022 16:42

That doesn’t seem very fair to me; I’m also inclined to think that dinner at 7.30 is quite late for a 5 year old.
If your children become aware that this is the set up when they aren’t there it will feel quite unfair to them. I also think that if your youngest is 8 then to be up in their rooms from 7.30 is quite early for the older ones

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CourtneeLuv · 24/06/2022 16:44

He likes your kids in bed by 7.30? 8 and above?

Jog him on op, ffs.

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GrazingSheep · 24/06/2022 16:44

My partner likes my children in bed by 7.30, so we can have some us time, that’s fine, I totally agree with it,

So to keep your partner happy your children - aged 8 and older - are in their rooms by 7.30pm Monday to Friday.
So the minute he’s in the door your children go to their rooms?
Are you really ok with that?

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thecurtainsofdestiny · 24/06/2022 16:45

Would not have occurred to me to feed children separately most days. Why don't your children eat with you?

We all ate together every day except Saturdays, when kids were fed at usual time and we had an adult only dinner. Would something like that work?

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LetitiaLeghorn · 24/06/2022 16:46

Isn't the difference, though, that his child is there on the weekend when everything can happen a bit later? I think it's much better if you can all eat together but you want your children to be eating as late as 7.30 on a school night?
It's totally wrong, though, if he makes them be in bed before he gets home so he avoids having any relationship with them. I don't see how that is going to work long term.

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hareagain · 24/06/2022 16:46

I think it would be unfair for his DS to eat alone and go to bed early on a weekend if this is the only time he spends with him.

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