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Stepson eats with us but my kids don’t

335 replies

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 16:35

This is probably going to sound petty, I’m pregnant and having a difficult one so maybe I’m just being silly and emotional and ridiculous.

so dp and I live together, he has a child from previous, and I have 3 from previous. My children are with us mon-fri, his fri-mon, apart from holidays where we have them all together for at least half the week.

when my children are here, I tend to give them their tea about 5.30-6, and then me and dp eat later usually around 7.30 as he’s not normally home till then. By this time kids are in bed or at least having quiet time in their rooms so we eat and watch some tv, this is our time I suppose. We both work full time so evenings are the only time we get really like most parents I guess.

when his son comes to us, he always has tea with us, and it’s not because we eat earlier weekends, we don’t, we still eat around 7.30 as that’s just our routine now, but he always eats with us, even if it’s a takeaway. My partner likes my children in bed by 7.30, so we can have some us time, that’s fine, I totally agree with it, but at weekends For my step son it’s different. He eats with us, and doesn’t go up till 8.30-9. He’s 5 if that makes a difference. My kids are a bit older, youngest being 8. I brought it up with my partner that I think his son should eat earlier then we eat separately like we do in the week, but he thinks I’m being absolutely ridiculous.

just to add, in the holidays when we have all together, they all eat separately and go up, we eat tea just us 2. So it’s only the weekends.. but I don’t think it’s very fair to be honest. He has this rule for my children but not his own? Shouldn’t it be the same for all of them? I honestly don’t know if I’m being a knob here so please tell me if I am and I’ll drop it.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:23

SandyWedges · 24/06/2022 17:23

Your poor poor kids.

According to a fortnight ago YOU got them every weekend OP

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Lovemypeaceandquiet · 24/06/2022 17:24

I’m sorry but the whole routine is weird.

7:30 pm, especially in the summer is VERY early for 8,9 and 13 year old!

My stepson is 7 and at 7:30 pm we would only start his bedtime routine (bath, reading, maybe some iPad time) on weekdays, later on the weekends. He actually goes to sleep probably around 9 pm. I’m assuming same for your kids, so what do they do in their rooms for an hour and a half at least?

Are they happily departing to their rooms at 7:30 each evening?

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MarvelMrs · 24/06/2022 17:24

I would be more worried about your DC being put away upstairs at 7.30pm than his DC eating with you.
I imagine it would be unkind to make his DC eat alone earlier at the weekends when your DC are not there to eat with him.
I think you need to agree some new routines that are more suitable for everyone especially your older children. That could definitely include a night or two when the children go upstairs to give you time together but not every night.

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CourtneeLuv · 24/06/2022 17:25

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:21

i can’t have my kids at weekends, their dad would never allow it. That’s a whole other thread. It’s the only time he gets to see them. As I said, I do have them half all holidays.

You need to start standing up for your kids.

Jesus christ.

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Allywill · 24/06/2022 17:26

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:08

They arnt really in bed as such at 7.30, but are in thier rooms doing something quiet like reading or watching a bit of tv.
my kids are 13,9 and 8. 13 year old naturally likes to spend time on the phone or I pad ect so is happy upstairs at that point but my other 2 not so much.

What about in summer? Can they play out later than 730? I know teens like to be inside on screens but I’d be encouraging being outside in the longer summer evenings. And as other have said what about clubs and activities don’t they do any? Most will not finish early enough to allow them to be upstairs ready for bed by 730. No Brownies/cubs scouts/guides? Even swimming lessons - mine had swimming 7-8 on Fridays from around age 10 as they swam for a local club.

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CourtneeLuv · 24/06/2022 17:26

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:21

i can’t have my kids at weekends, their dad would never allow it. That’s a whole other thread. It’s the only time he gets to see them. As I said, I do have them half all holidays.

If he can have them for half the holidays, that fall in the week, why can't he have them in the week the rest of the time 🤔

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ToysRMine · 24/06/2022 17:27

This thread makes me really sad for your children. Surely at the age of 13 you should have the choice if you want to sit downstairs and spend some time time with your Mum and not be sent to your room by 730 because your stepdad said so?

I spent a lot of time in my bedroom at that age, as most teenagers do, but I had the choice of sitting downstairs if I wanted.

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Viviennemary · 24/06/2022 17:27

I would eat with my own children and leave it up to him when he eats and who with. But tbh I would call it a day. Why should he call the shots. Too controlling by half.

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:27

GrazingSheep · 24/06/2022 17:23

Why do you need so much "adult time" in the evenings?!

Because that’s what the man wants.

On the basis of other threads, tricky relationships between Op and her own children. Very tricky

In short - the OP’s recent extensive posting history presents a rather different picture to that being presented in this one

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:28

You also have a 15 year old DD according to another thread?

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:30

Sorry not a 15 yr old.

all the rest though - you have posted

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wellhelloitsme · 24/06/2022 17:31

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:08

They arnt really in bed as such at 7.30, but are in thier rooms doing something quiet like reading or watching a bit of tv.
my kids are 13,9 and 8. 13 year old naturally likes to spend time on the phone or I pad ect so is happy upstairs at that point but my other 2 not so much.

I can't believe you've let a bloke effectively banish the kids to their rooms from 730 every night and in doing so remove hours and hours of quality family time you could be having chilling out together. watching movies, playing games. Genuinely makes me really sad for them.

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notanothertakeaway · 24/06/2022 17:31

13 year old child has to have a "children's early tea" and then in his bedroom from 7.30pm? Poor kid

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SandyWedges · 24/06/2022 17:31

Do not marry him. Boot him out.

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SandyWedges · 24/06/2022 17:32

Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:23

According to a fortnight ago YOU got them every weekend OP

Well that's confusing. What's happened since then OP?

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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 24/06/2022 17:32

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:21

i can’t have my kids at weekends, their dad would never allow it. That’s a whole other thread. It’s the only time he gets to see them. As I said, I do have them half all holidays.

You seem passive when it comes to your children and you’re allowing men in your life to dictate what happens to your child even if it’s not in their best interests or what you want.

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SavoyCabbage · 24/06/2022 17:32

This is honestly crazy. The children should be able to go where they like in their own home.

I encourage my dc to spend more time downstairs not less. Because I like them.

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Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:34

My daughter I said about on another thread is in fact my 9yr old, sorry for confusion she’s only just turned 10. But she has since been living with me in the week now and at her dads weekends, her decision.

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:34

SandyWedges · 24/06/2022 17:32

Well that's confusing. What's happened since then OP?

Search the Op

she explicitly says a fortnight ago that she only has the children at the weekend and half half holidays

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ToxicCuntMum · 24/06/2022 17:35

I think this is a weekday vs weekend issue not a your kids vs his kids thing

Exactly
If I was your OH and you raised this with me I’d think you’d lost your marbles

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carbay · 24/06/2022 17:36

OP, do you understand that posters can easily access your previous threads?

Huge inconsistencies.

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wellhelloitsme · 24/06/2022 17:36

I can't believe you've let a bloke effectively banish the kids to their rooms from 730 every night and in doing so remove hours and hours of quality family time you could be having chilling out together. watching movies, playing games. Genuinely makes me really sad for them.

Can you not understand how much you're prioritising this man over your children and their wellbeing?

It's just such a shitty way to be treated, carted off to their rooms so you and your boyfriend can have alone time.

I just clocked that you're pregnant too. Goodness.

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Mariposista · 24/06/2022 17:36

Families should eat together. Its a great time to catch up and bond over how the day has gone.

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ZeroFuchsGiven · 24/06/2022 17:37

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:34

My daughter I said about on another thread is in fact my 9yr old, sorry for confusion she’s only just turned 10. But she has since been living with me in the week now and at her dads weekends, her decision.

If that is the case then what has happened at weekends for the last few years you have your dd then?

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:37

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 17:34

My daughter I said about on another thread is in fact my 9yr old, sorry for confusion she’s only just turned 10. But she has since been living with me in the week now and at her dads weekends, her decision.

You say that your children have been living with their father during the weeks for “the last couple of years”… a fortnight ago.

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