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Stepson eats with us but my kids don’t

335 replies

Leftie202 · 24/06/2022 16:35

This is probably going to sound petty, I’m pregnant and having a difficult one so maybe I’m just being silly and emotional and ridiculous.

so dp and I live together, he has a child from previous, and I have 3 from previous. My children are with us mon-fri, his fri-mon, apart from holidays where we have them all together for at least half the week.

when my children are here, I tend to give them their tea about 5.30-6, and then me and dp eat later usually around 7.30 as he’s not normally home till then. By this time kids are in bed or at least having quiet time in their rooms so we eat and watch some tv, this is our time I suppose. We both work full time so evenings are the only time we get really like most parents I guess.

when his son comes to us, he always has tea with us, and it’s not because we eat earlier weekends, we don’t, we still eat around 7.30 as that’s just our routine now, but he always eats with us, even if it’s a takeaway. My partner likes my children in bed by 7.30, so we can have some us time, that’s fine, I totally agree with it, but at weekends For my step son it’s different. He eats with us, and doesn’t go up till 8.30-9. He’s 5 if that makes a difference. My kids are a bit older, youngest being 8. I brought it up with my partner that I think his son should eat earlier then we eat separately like we do in the week, but he thinks I’m being absolutely ridiculous.

just to add, in the holidays when we have all together, they all eat separately and go up, we eat tea just us 2. So it’s only the weekends.. but I don’t think it’s very fair to be honest. He has this rule for my children but not his own? Shouldn’t it be the same for all of them? I honestly don’t know if I’m being a knob here so please tell me if I am and I’ll drop it.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Westfacing · 24/06/2022 17:39

I feel sad for all the kids - your three basically banished for the evening; and you want your 5-year old stepson to eat on his own.

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SandyWedges · 24/06/2022 17:39

Basically stop letting your "D"P be so shit to your kids. You don't need that much "adult time". If he comes home at 730 he can eat dinner by himself at 730. You eat with your children.

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Dontgetmestarted65 · 24/06/2022 17:39

God your poor kids. Shoved off upstairs so you can spend time with your boyfriend every night then his son is given the royal treatment. They're going to grow up so resentful. You need to eat with your kids every night.
You'll be lucky to see them when they grow up if you treat them like this.

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ladydimitrescu · 24/06/2022 17:40

Just read the other threads. Put your kids first for Christ's sake. Desperately sad.

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:40

So now you throw in that you DD wanted to live with her father during the week and see you at the weekends.

ok, so much for “him not allowing it”

and what happens re eating during the weekend and your daughter

i repeat. A shit show

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wellhelloitsme · 24/06/2022 17:41

And on the other thread you say your DD has been really struggling at school behaviourally.

I don't think being sent to her room at 730 every night, after a kids dinner, at her age, is going to be particularly helpful to her.

At most a couple of hours engagement with you and her siblings before she's carted off to her room so you and your boyfriend can relax together without her.

Think how shit that must feel for her. How lonely. How second class citizen in her own home you're positioning her (and her siblings) as.

And on top of all the school stuff, the bizarre early banishment to bedrooms, a massive change from being full time with her dad and weekends with you to the reverse arrangement... now she's going to have to deal with the arrival of a new baby too.

A baby your boyfriend is going to prioritise over your children in a very obvious way as it's clear now that's what he does.

Bloody hell.

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washingwakeup · 24/06/2022 17:41

And you also have a 1yo according to another thread Confused

How many kids do you actually have? Your DP is deluded if he thinks there's much chance of any adult time!

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EaselArt · 24/06/2022 17:42

So you see your kids for about 3 hours a night so about 15 hours a week and in that time it’s cooking, eating and life admin so quality time at a guess about 3 hours a week. He has his child at weekend, probably no life admin or cooking so at least 24 hours of quality time. Is that fair for you or your children.

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Quartz2208 · 24/06/2022 17:42

I hope this isnt real OP because your children are being treated appalling and in what world does those eating times suit a teenager

No wonder they want to spend the weekends at their Dads

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Ohthatsexciting · 24/06/2022 17:42

EaselArt · 24/06/2022 17:42

So you see your kids for about 3 hours a night so about 15 hours a week and in that time it’s cooking, eating and life admin so quality time at a guess about 3 hours a week. He has his child at weekend, probably no life admin or cooking so at least 24 hours of quality time. Is that fair for you or your children.

It’s all BS @EaselArt

Suggest you read the other threads the op has started

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washingwakeup · 24/06/2022 17:43

5 kids and another on the way? Plus the DS? Is that right?

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1FootInTheRave · 24/06/2022 17:43

Ffs, why aren't you putting your kids first.

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Blackberrybunnet · 24/06/2022 17:43

2 separate issues here ;

  1. weekends are not the same as weeknights
  2. you decide what happens with your children, he gets to decide what happens with his.

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SurfBox · 24/06/2022 17:47

My partner likes my children in bed by 7.30....My kids are a bit older, youngest being 8.

I'm shocked that kids of that age are in bed by 7.30.

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SurfBox · 24/06/2022 17:49

Get rid of the partner and start giving your children the respect they deserve as your children. Just why would you put up with us

Why is this advise dished out so quickly about every row/disagreement in a relationship on mn>? Everybody here must have very high standards.

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SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 24/06/2022 17:50

I see both sides of this, my children are 4 and 6 they go to bed later at the weekend than the week, we are more relaxed at weekends. In the week its 7.30-8pm, weekend up to 9pm unless they want to go earlier. If your children were there weekends surely they'd be up later too?

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Cervinia · 24/06/2022 17:50

What? He likes your THIRTEEN year old in his/her room by 7:30 but let’s his five year old up much later eating takeaway?

did I read that right?

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MummyJ36 · 24/06/2022 17:51

This is a problem only you can rectify. They’re your kids. Stop letting a man who isn’t their father banish them to their rooms at 7.30pm. You’re more than capable of making this change, just depends how much you value your kids over him. Sounds harsh but you are literally the main person who should be advocating for them.

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Motnight · 24/06/2022 17:52

This can not be real.

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flumposie · 24/06/2022 17:52

I can not comprehend this. My 12 year old eats with me at 5.30pm and goes to bed between 9 and 9.30. Weekends can be around 11pm. The thought of

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wellhelloitsme · 24/06/2022 17:53

SurfBox · 24/06/2022 17:49

Get rid of the partner and start giving your children the respect they deserve as your children. Just why would you put up with us

Why is this advise dished out so quickly about every row/disagreement in a relationship on mn>? Everybody here must have very high standards.

I don't think it's a particularly high standard to not want to be with a bloke who requests your children are in their rooms from 730 every night...

Even if he wasn't a hypocrite by acting so differently with his own child, it would still be a shitty and selfish people way to be.

And not wanting to be with a shitty and selfish person seems like the bare minimum standard anyone should aim for tbh.

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flumposie · 24/06/2022 17:53

her being banished upstairs at 7.30 pm is ridiculous.

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washingwakeup · 24/06/2022 17:55

What about your almost 15yo? Who does she eat with and when does she get sent upstairs?

You mention her looking after your 1yo on another thread?

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LannieDuck · 24/06/2022 17:58

I brought it up with my partner that I think his son should eat earlier then we eat separately like we do in the week, but he thinks I’m being absolutely ridiculous.

So he can no longer object to your kids eating later during the week as well. (Assuming they want to.)

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Onesipmore · 24/06/2022 18:00

Not sure this is all entirely true is it OP? To many children with different ages on different threads and it doesn't add up.

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