To ask DD to pay towards her lifts home from work at midnight?

[Chocolatetrufflesandcream]

Firstly, I just want to say that I’m happy to give Dd 19 regular lifts to uni, friends etc, as she doesn’t drive, and in her previous job whilst she was still at College, I’d pick her up from work three times a week from the City centre about 11pm.

As you can imagine, it’s not nice to be in the town especially at weekends when there’s the possibility of trouble, as there’s loads of drinking going on obviously.
Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours as she knew I didn’t really want to go into the town late at night and I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

long story short, she’s found another job she loves, but, again it’s in the town centre and this time she finishes even later, just after midnight.
Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

Now, I don’t want to sit at home worrying again if she’s ok getting home, but also I don’t relish the thought of regular lifts from town so late at night. Im also a bit put out re the cost of petrol when, if she’d got a job where she could get a bus then it’d saving me the money. AIBU to think sod it , she can pay half of what a taxi would cost if she wants me to pick her up so late (after all it was her choice to go for this job) , or should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

I don't charge my teens for lifts regardless of where they're from and when.

I wouldn't charge for lifts, but I also wouldn't commit to picking her up after midnight regularly. She needs to find a job to can her herself to and from imo.

IME the first couple of months of listening for them coming in is hard, but then you stop noticing.

She is getting paid so of course she should pay you.

YANBU. Aside from the cost of petrol and inconvenience, it's midnight!!

So what time do you then get to sleep?

You should charge her. She wouldn't do anything stupid like walk it, would she?

I wouldn’t agree to doing the lifts; she knows you don’t like the 11pm one so it seems quite unfair to then get an even later one. At the end of it she is 19 and needs to be an adult about these things. I suspect after a little while of paying for an Uber she’ll think twice about getting a job where she can get the bus but she’s been used to relying on you so there isn’t the motivation

Let her get an Uber. She's prepared to, it's you to that is vetoing it.

Either she needs to get driving lessons and fix it that way, or she needs to get an uber. She's 19, not 15.

I wouldn't charge my own kids.
Ridiculous.

I take the opposite view. I'm happy for ds to walk or get the bus into town earlier in the evening, but I insist on collecting him late at night. Much less risky, and less for me to worry about.

Another vote for an Uber. She's already decided that it's OK. Why martyr yourself?

I think she should make a contribution to the petrol. This is a work-related expense and if you didn’t collect her, she’d have to pay for an Uber or taxi, so she’s saving a lot.

My DD (17) drives and uses my car to go to her evening job. I don’t charge for petrol as she’s driving herself-but I might if I had to turn out at midnight several times a week to collect her.

Why doesn't she learn to drive?

Agree, she's 19. Do you have to sit in and wait up to go and get her each time, not be able to have a glass of wine if you wanted to, stay awake if you want to sleep? Why can't she pre-book a taxi or just uber?

Shes 19 I would let her get an uber. She's not a baby anymore and she will soon learn that travel equals costs.

She's an adult, so should be treated as such. It's bizarre that parents won't let their children grow up and be independent.

She's 19. An adult. She should be getting herself home.

Does her employer not pay for staff taxis home? When I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar (that much is true 😏) till 2am we were taxid home on employer account

I don't really understand what the concern is with her getting an uber if she has said she's OK OK it? Also so the buses not run that late or does she just not want to use the bus?

She is learning to drive, but since she hasn’t passed her test then she doesn’t drive.

Sounds like an adult has got herself a job and is willing to pay from an uber to get home from it but is being blocked by her mum worrying

Just let her be a grown up and get the uber, and stop trying to limit her life choices to fit in with what you think is the correct way to do things

She needs to be an adult. And I know it’s hard as fuck but most kids who go to uni at that age would be 100s of miles away from their parents doing whatever (and whoever) they like. Sometimes putting themselves in danger and it’s anxiety inducing but it’s how we learn. I feel like it built me

Personally I wouldn't be doing lifts. Why hasn't she learnt to drive? is she learning now or is it just much more convenient to rely on her Mum to ferry her around? At 19 if she was my daughter she would either be getting a job without travel, getting a job where she could get public transport or getting the uber.

How far is it, surely an uber will eat into her wages?!

It’s me that’s vetoing the Uber and taxi as Dd is happy to get either. The Uber, anyone could be turning up for her (yes I’m probably over thinking it and over worrying!) and the taxi, they don’t always turn up on time.
I probably am being unreasonable for saying should I charge towards her petrol, but I also don’t want to feel put upon, even if I am the one who decides to pick her up.

You either pick her up or she pays. You can't insist on picking her up then also insist she pays for the privilege.

The buses don’t run that late,