To ask DD to pay towards her lifts home from work at midnight?

[Chocolatetrufflesandcream]

Firstly, I just want to say that I’m happy to give Dd 19 regular lifts to uni, friends etc, as she doesn’t drive, and in her previous job whilst she was still at College, I’d pick her up from work three times a week from the City centre about 11pm.

As you can imagine, it’s not nice to be in the town especially at weekends when there’s the possibility of trouble, as there’s loads of drinking going on obviously.
Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours as she knew I didn’t really want to go into the town late at night and I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

long story short, she’s found another job she loves, but, again it’s in the town centre and this time she finishes even later, just after midnight.
Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

Now, I don’t want to sit at home worrying again if she’s ok getting home, but also I don’t relish the thought of regular lifts from town so late at night. Im also a bit put out re the cost of petrol when, if she’d got a job where she could get a bus then it’d saving me the money. AIBU to think sod it , she can pay half of what a taxi would cost if she wants me to pick her up so late (after all it was her choice to go for this job) , or should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

If you're vetoing this then you aren't on strong ground for complaining. Surely the answer is to set up a regular contract with a local cab firm you trust?

My daughter worked for a couple of years in a city centre hotel - when she did late shifts finishing 11.30-midnight I always picked her up. I’d rather have done that than make her pay for a taxi. I never asked for petrol money - was a 1hr round trip.

fortunately she eventually passed her driving test.

I’d let her get the Uber, she chose to go for that job and surely if she was away at uni you wouldn’t have a clue what she was doing or how she was getting home and she’d manage fine? Or if she was just on a night out with friends you wouldn’t go and pick her up? I’m sure if she knows she can call you if there’s a problem with the Uber or somethings wrong she will? And at least if she’s working she’ll be sober so can make sure she’s getting into the right taxi.

Ok as I’ve said earlier, an Uber it is.

I just don’t understand some people… how anyone could charge their child for a lift is beyond me. I couldn’t charge anyone… let alone my child. Genuinely just baffled by this mentality.

I'd be annoyed with this OP.

I wouldn't want my 19yo daughter getting a cab home at midnight but also wouldn't want to be on lift duty regularly at that time.

If it's the 'place to be' for her age group then hopefully she'll befriend someone who lives nearby and drives and then she'll start getting a lift back with them.

As she is learning to drive though, I think I'd give her a free lift until then since it's should only hopefully be short-term until she passes her test.

Oh and I’m not well off either. But there are some things that are non negotiable in my book. Charging my child is another level of odd to me.

I think the only reason I considered asking her to pay towards petrol was because she’s been offered so many jobs, but chose the most inconvenient (travel wise) one.

Although I completely get why she chose the one she did, as I only want her to work where she’s happy to.

A few times a week at midnight?

If you read my post properly you will see that I’m happy to give my Dd lifts left right and centre.
You will also see that I’ve agreed that she should be getting an Uber. Maybe we’re not all perfect like you.

I wouldn't charge and would gladly pick my DD up at midnight three times a week.

She's still young and starting out in life and it won't be forever.

I'd rather she was safe

@Itloggedmeoutagain yep. Couldn’t imagine taking money from my teenager and happily spending it knowing where it had come from. That’s just me personally.

Im glad someone can see it from my perspective!

I don't read the OP as 'charging' for goodness sake. Given the extra petrol expense it reads as contributing to the extra miles needed for dd - and at the same time ensuring a safe journey home.

I can afford to drive anyone anywhere, but I recognise not everyone is in the same position.

@Chocolatetrufflesandcream not perfect by any stretch just different I guess.. you do you.

If she has to pay she might consider whether this job is the right one for her after all. If she accepted the job thinking she'd have free transport and is now paying for Ubers every night, then it might not be financially viable. I think that's something she should have considered and you shouldn't step in to make it more manageable for her.

As I said, maybe I’m.not perfect like you

@Chocolatetrufflesandcream i am very much not perfect as I said… just different I guess.

Shes not giving her a lift - shes acting as an unpaid taxi driver taking someone home from a paid job.

Pathetic response…‘ you do you’…

Could she do a job in the house that you don't like much in return for getting a lift home? [as an alternative to the uber route]

Thank you! Unfortunately one or two people seem to think I’m going to be rubbing.my hands in glee as to what I can fleece off my Dd 🙄

the main reason I thought about charging her for petrol was also to try and make her see that because she’s chosen to work extra late
, so that a bus home isn’t an option, she should contribute to the cost of petrol.

Yabu for not letting her get an Uber. Surely she will wait inside work until it comes, then you can track her on the app. Many 19 year olds don’t live at home.

I wonder if my mum was tying herself up in knots when I was in uni at 19 and working in a pub? Or going out all night and getting cabs and night buses home?

She's an adult with a job. I cannot imagine asking my parents to have done this . It is her responsibility to get herself to and from work, especially since the hour she finishes is pretty anti social.