To ask DD to pay towards her lifts home from work at midnight?

[Chocolatetrufflesandcream]

Firstly, I just want to say that I’m happy to give Dd 19 regular lifts to uni, friends etc, as she doesn’t drive, and in her previous job whilst she was still at College, I’d pick her up from work three times a week from the City centre about 11pm.

As you can imagine, it’s not nice to be in the town especially at weekends when there’s the possibility of trouble, as there’s loads of drinking going on obviously.
Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours as she knew I didn’t really want to go into the town late at night and I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

long story short, she’s found another job she loves, but, again it’s in the town centre and this time she finishes even later, just after midnight.
Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

Now, I don’t want to sit at home worrying again if she’s ok getting home, but also I don’t relish the thought of regular lifts from town so late at night. Im also a bit put out re the cost of petrol when, if she’d got a job where she could get a bus then it’d saving me the money. AIBU to think sod it , she can pay half of what a taxi would cost if she wants me to pick her up so late (after all it was her choice to go for this job) , or should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

As a DD who got regular lifts when growing up, I always offered my parents money for petrol but they regularly refused, until a brief period when my Dad lost his job and things were a bit uncomfortable financially.

As a Mum now, it would mean a lot to me if my son offered when the time comes (just to show really that he doesn't take anything for granted) but I certainly wouldn't accept it. Unless I really couldn't afford petrol.

As for the unsociable hours, I probably wouldn't organise my life around it if it's an every day thing but would definitely do the lifts when I possibly could.

You’re probably right to be fair.

Erm, she's a grown up. Let her pay for an Uber!

Just let her get an Uber for gods sake she’s an adult

Thanks for the biscuit @R00K , not sure what passive aggressive statement you're trying to make there. I don't charge my partner for lifts either, or my mum, or my friends... can I have whole packet?

Thanks all .ok Uber it is.

For goodness sake, if she was away at university then she'd be sorting all her own transport and at all hours of the day & night! She's 19, not 9, so just let her sort herself out and get an Uber.

Have another

Tell her to put her location finder on on WhatsApp and use an Uber. You could sit in bed and check her destination if you want to.

I wouldn't charge but I wouldn't be offering lifts at midnight.

Get her to rely on an Uber, wait inside til it comes, ask to track her location on her phone.

And you'll be her standby if there's a disaster

Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours

?! So why has she chosen another job with later hours?! I don’t get why she bothered!

I would have had this discussion at the point she was deciding whether to go for this job. I wouldn’t want to be collecting my kids at midnight regularly. I’m in bed at 10.30 on a school night!!

You can share the ride on the app so you can see where she is

Because the DD is happy to get a taxi or Uber - it's OP that doesn't want her to. Why shouldn't she go for a job she wanted if she's happy to work late and get herself home?

This. You can't 'force' her to accept your lifts and then charge her for doing what you want.

Because it came up by chance, and Dd’s reasoning is it’s the ‘in place to be’ work wise (apparently in that age group)

I tend to agree with this. Do you work? I get up for work at 5 am, I'd not be picking anyone up regularly at midnight! Why did she get a job she can't easily get home from, finishing even later??

At her age, I'd left home, and was getting cabs/night buses home after a night out - you do have to learn how to do this safely at some point.

Yes I do work but not early morning at weekends

She could be away at Uni and you'd have no idea how she was getting home. Let her get the Uber.

Sorry but it would be incredibly unfair to force her to get lifts with you, and then charge her.

She's 19. Let her figure it all out herself.

@BatshitCrazyWoman she can get home easily, she's happy to get either an Uber or Taxi, it's the OP who doesn't want her to

She needs to get a job she can actually safely get home from. You already expressed your concerns over the city centre job so she went and got another one… She needs to learn to drive or just get Ubers, surely you’d prefer to actually sleep over being an unpaid taxi driver?

She old enough to have decided on the job she wanted without consulting you, she's old enough to get herself home

Did you talk to your DD about accepting a job so late?

Uber is quite safe. You can see all the drivers details it's part of growing up too

@Chocolatetrufflesandcream as she would be paying a taxi anyway I'd imagine she would be happy giving you the same, however, that isn't going to change that you don't really want to be going out at midnight regularly. You still wouldn't be happy doing it so it makes more sense for you to just let her get the taxi/Uber and try move past your fear. It will feel easier the more she does it

I wasn’t going to ‘force’ her, I couldn’t do that if I tried as she’s strong willed, and I wouldn’t want to force her anyway .