To ask DD to pay towards her lifts home from work at midnight?

[Chocolatetrufflesandcream]

Firstly, I just want to say that I’m happy to give Dd 19 regular lifts to uni, friends etc, as she doesn’t drive, and in her previous job whilst she was still at College, I’d pick her up from work three times a week from the City centre about 11pm.

As you can imagine, it’s not nice to be in the town especially at weekends when there’s the possibility of trouble, as there’s loads of drinking going on obviously.
Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours as she knew I didn’t really want to go into the town late at night and I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

long story short, she’s found another job she loves, but, again it’s in the town centre and this time she finishes even later, just after midnight.
Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

Now, I don’t want to sit at home worrying again if she’s ok getting home, but also I don’t relish the thought of regular lifts from town so late at night. Im also a bit put out re the cost of petrol when, if she’d got a job where she could get a bus then it’d saving me the money. AIBU to think sod it , she can pay half of what a taxi would cost if she wants me to pick her up so late (after all it was her choice to go for this job) , or should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

Thanks Glittery, I’m happy to let her borrow my car when she passes.

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET A TAXI

Would you honestly not have any concerns about a 19yo girl getting a taxi at that time, alone, so regularly and at the same time every week??

As she's happy to pay for an Uber, given the current cost of fuel aside from inconvenience to you I'd be asking if she can contribute to the cost of petrol, and getting her to pass her test.

I’m shocked at some these responses. We were clubbing / getting taxis home from age 15- 16 in the late 90s. wasn’t everyone?!

I'd be concerned that a 19 year old never took this into consideration when going for and accepting the job in the first place.

Can you pinpoint me to the bit where I’ve ‘insisted’ on collecting her? I must’ve missed that part.

Absolutely not. I find your attitude and the OP's really odd.

@WildThing87 - the DD is very happy to get an Uber. It's the OP who doesn't want her to. If I were 19 and my mum insisted on driving into town to collect me for free rather than forking out for an Uber, I'd jump at it too

And that’s exactly why I thought about asking for a contribution towards the petrol.

I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

Sounds pretty insistent to me.

Not really sure why ROOK is giving out biscuits I think most of us would be the same as @DailySheetWasher

Sounds like an adult has got herself a job and is willing to pay from an uber to get home from it but is being blocked by her mum worrying
Just let her be a grown up and get the uber, and stop trying to limit her life choices to fit in with what you think is the correct way to do things

I agree with this. Glad OP has now come round too.

When my dc started working in various jobs, I felt part of the whole experience was them understanding the whole package..... the "this job might be more glamorous or fun sounding but is a pain to get to and from" job vs the "I know it's boring but has no travel costs and no early starts or late finishes" sort of job. I think most of us have to experience the pros and cons to see what is important to us. OP's dd understands she will need to pay for a taxi out of her wages and it was the OP who was the one saying she didn't want this.

Clymene
once again, point me to the part where I’ve been insistent on collecting my Dd.

Oh and if you read my post properly too, you will see that she asked me to collect her originally, even though I didn’t want her using an Uber alone.

Maybe do lifts half the time and she gets ubers other times. Are there staff leaving at the same time who could give her a lift?

I definitely wouldn't charge her for petrol though. No way. I wouldn't charge a friend petrol so I definitely wouldn't my own kid

@WildThing87 I completely agree and would have definitely said that to her, as I'm sure OP has! But now it's done and the only options are taxi alone vs lift from OP, then I'd be doing the lift but encouraging her in her driving so it would be short-term.

@MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler I used to get cabs back from nights out too, 2010s though, I guess everyone did but I was usually with friends for the majority of it and none of us would have been happy to send one home alone in a taxi.

I dunno, maybe now there is more publicity around being safe as a lone female at night or something? Or more publicised incidents?

All I know is I wouldn't be comfortable myself - at 33 - getting a taxi alone at that time every week, so that it was a pattern that could be picked up on by someone if they were so inclined. Nights out are a bit different as they're not so routine and I'd likely have company.

Don’t be ridiculous

You are massively over thinking this re uber. She's an adult cut the apron strungs . She will never grow up if you don't let her. She's got a job that really doesn't suit hours wise. That's on her as an adult to sort transport herself.

Then I genuinely am truly surprised, as most women I know would be wary of this and do not like to get taxis alone late at night.

Also, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with getting an Uber...just that I understand OP's concern and would likely be the same.

Totally get where you're coming from, but at that age she could be in another city for uni or have moved out of home, so should be fine for her to get a taxi or Uber herself.

Why the donut
Most parents dont charge- its odd.

Personally, it wouldn't have entered my head to apply for a job where I couldn't guarantee getting myself home.

She has no problem getting home. Other than her mother saying she can't get a Taxi/Uber.

Get a moped. If you are rural and she is on a lowish income there are schemes that can help.

Just have her get an Uber - why on earth would you think it's not safe? You're not a taxi service and while you keep doing it, she'll keep accepting lifts.

My parents would never charge me for lifts, but there was no way they would pick me up at that time either. At 19 I was at uni and would sort my own transport home (I used to work in the students union until 3am). I think you just ask her to get an uber or taxi, she must realise how inconvenient it is for you?

@MolliciousIntent

1. Have you seen the cost of lessons?


2. Do you know the waiting list for lessons and tests following the pause for Covid?


3. Have you seen the price of second hand cars? Even if she drives mums car the insurance will rocket.

It's not that easy these days. There is a huge backlog due to covid, some instructors have closed their waiting lists due to demand and it's difficult to get a test date. Could take years! And even when she passes, she will need a car and insurance. Who is going to pay for that?

OP you're making things difficult here, let her get Ubers. My teen dds use them all the time with no problems (and Bolt too).