To ask DD to pay towards her lifts home from work at midnight?

[Chocolatetrufflesandcream]

Firstly, I just want to say that I’m happy to give Dd 19 regular lifts to uni, friends etc, as she doesn’t drive, and in her previous job whilst she was still at College, I’d pick her up from work three times a week from the City centre about 11pm.

As you can imagine, it’s not nice to be in the town especially at weekends when there’s the possibility of trouble, as there’s loads of drinking going on obviously.
Dd had said before that she’d look for another job with more suitable hours as she knew I didn’t really want to go into the town late at night and I didn’t like the thought of her waiting outside her place of work for a taxi, and not keen on her getting Ubers.

long story short, she’s found another job she loves, but, again it’s in the town centre and this time she finishes even later, just after midnight.
Dd’s already asking if I can pick her up, but is happy to get an Uber if not.

Now, I don’t want to sit at home worrying again if she’s ok getting home, but also I don’t relish the thought of regular lifts from town so late at night. Im also a bit put out re the cost of petrol when, if she’d got a job where she could get a bus then it’d saving me the money. AIBU to think sod it , she can pay half of what a taxi would cost if she wants me to pick her up so late (after all it was her choice to go for this job) , or should I suck it up and fetch her for free as I’m concerned about her getting home any other way?

If she's got a safe way of getting home like Uber then I definitely wouldn't be driving about at midnight

This always infuriates me;at 19 I was living independently in a place of my own,had a full time job and was expecting my first DC.It was up to me to get myself about.

When I was 19 I was working club nights and walking home at 4am to save cash!

When I was 17 I was walking 15 miles a day to earn 45p an hour pulling pints in a strip bar.

Kids don't know how easy they've got it these days.

Ok to repeat myself YET again.

I’ve accepted that I may be over worrying. However, I’ve got to admit I’m a bit 🙄 at the comments from those saying ‘when I was 19 I was doing this or that’

Ok, maybe you were. But, maybe we weren’t living in such a crime ridden society as we are now. I know for a fact when I was that age it was much safer around town. Nowadays all there seems to be are horrendous crimes committed in the city centres late at night, so forgive me for worrying (even if it is a bit too much)

Thanks for the helpful comments though, from the people who get where I’m coming from.

She DID factor that in when accepting the job though, a lift from the OP is not the only option - her DD has already said she was happy to get a taxi/Uber - it was the OP who isn't keen on that!

I have travelled around the world on my own @GlitteryGreen and lived alone for 20 odd years. I have got night buses on my own across London from midnight until 5am. Never had an issue.

Fun fact: women are most at risk from the men they live with.

@Chocolatetrufflesandcream I was joking about mine BTW. I was taking the mick of all the ridiculous people boasting about their teenage hardships.

I'm glad you're accepting her offer to get an uber, and I'm sorry that so many posters can't be bothered to read your posts.

I would happily collect my DDs and their friends from a town centre night out occasionally, and my DH and I used to give them lifts to their Saturday jobs. But they finished at 7. Midnight several times a week? Not a chance.

But uber's really are the safest option. She knows it's the car that's ordered, because of the number plate, and you can share the ride so you know she's on her way. And yes, it's easier when they're away at uni at that age because you don't have a clue what they're doing!

Yes this. You aren't a taxi service.

I think some people definitely just skip through the posts and judge without taking all words into account.
And you’re probably right that when Dc’s are away at Uni, we have no idea if they’re out or not so worry less!

This is all a big muddle of contradictions.
Make up your mind what you are happy with and stick to it.
Clearly you resent picking her up for the inconvenience and cost yet you are unwilling to allow her to get herself home.
allow her to decide what she wants to do and get a uber.

What would you do if you didn't drive?

My mum has never driven and I've never had a lift from her anywhere. I've made my own way since starting high school at 11 (when I were you we had to walk 5 miles there and back in the snow with no shoes and all that 😂)

Another one who HASN’T read my posts properly I see.

Uber way safer than a bus - you can track where she used and who the driver is.

@DailySheetWasher

ah what a saint you are

meanwhile…In the real world…

That is the real world for most of us @LuckySantangelo35 , as others have already commented on this post.

I mean, apart from anything else it would invalidate your insurance to charge anyone for lifts........

Though most people wouldn't be so penny pinching with their dc.

If a parent resents doing it so much that they are going to charge, then don't do it.

What a nasty post.

how fucking dare you accuse me of penny pinching from my own child. I mentioned asking her to CONTRIBUTE towards petrol, because as a single parent I can’t just drum up an extra unnecessary £50 a month because she’s chosen to work unsociable hours. Not that it’s any business of yours!
But anyhow, I was advised to tell her to get an Uber, which I did, and do you know what, she’s now stuck outside work on her own as the Uber carried on driving so she’s ordered another, but will obviously have to wait for that.

so GO AWAY with your idiotic comments

Oh and as for ‘invalidating insurance’ because I considered asking my dd for a petrol contribution (and that’s only for the lifts home late at night from work and not for all the other lifts I’m happy to regularly give her) , what fucking planet are you on, seriously? …. The dumbest comment I’ve ever read I think

DailySheetWasher · Yesterday 14:53
I don't charge my teens for lifts regardless of where they're from and when.“

well good for you. Meanwhile, in the real world, fuel costs money. An earning 19 year old is well aware of that.

I wouldn't charge her for lifts, unless money was very tight, but if she's also happy getting an uber I'd split it 50/50 between her getting an uber and me picking her up

I got it wrong, it was a taxi she ordered that didn’t turn up, she’s on her way home now in an Uber.

The Uber/taxi would cost about £12 . I was considering asking for a fiver, on the basis that I didn’t want her to think I’m available that late at night on a regular basis for free lifts and also because out of all the jobs she was offered, she went for the one with the most inconvenient hours of being able to get home by bus.

Wow. How rude are you ?

I was actually replying to LuckySanangelo35, as tagged in my post.
I haven't accused you of anything.
I'd previously acknowledged that you had wisely decided to let her carry on with her plan to get a taxi.

However, you are literally asked when renewing insurance if you use the car for hire or reward. When a conversation has moved to people talking about charging people for a lift, then that is the territory others have taken it in to. Not me.
Though if that is the dumbest comment you have read, I guess you can't be on MN much.
Meanwhile, in the real world, fuel costs money. An earning 19 year old is well aware of that.
......and the 19 yr old had factored getting a taxi home from work in to her decision to take the job. It is the OP who originally was going to try and change that plan, not the 19 yr old.

“Though most people wouldn’t be so penny pinching with their dc’

are you kidding me? Of course that comment was directed at me (and people like me probably too) as the original post was about my situation and ME asking if I should ask for money towards petrol. So yes you were accusing me of penny pinching, I’m not stupid.
As for car insurance, it’s hardly a reward is it asking your Dd to pay a little towards petrol, so don’t be so daft.