To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

[mrsh1807]

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

Your situation sounds truly awful.

Whilst some will not (do not!) believe me on here, I know this is not my situation.

I am usually sat in the kitchen fully aware of what is going on right outside my doors, and tend to call them in when I see they are destroying MY plants! It is hard for the ball to go over our boundary due to the high hedges running along both sides of my garden - probably between 10-12 feet high. I know that doesn't mean they don't go over, but the majority of their play is done within the centre of my garden with a wide area around them before the boundaries are in place. I did include a photo earlier in the thread if anyone wants to check!

My garden is at least 80 feet by 80 feet.

The boys always go around to ask for their ball back, they do not climb over. In fact, the joke is the neighbours on the other side often take ages to throw it back as they like to use the ball to play football with themselves (their kids are much older than mine).

Everyone has a valid experience, but not all experiences are the same.

Hopefully my situation is resolved, or at least I have arranged a way forwards with the wife (who incidentally denied all knowledge of any messages having been sent to me so hmmmm?!).

Thanks again for all your valuable insights.

Tell your neighbours to fuck off and move!

Are you the neighbour? Because I can’t think of any other reason why you’re a) projecting those details of how the neighbours feel and b) suggesting there’s an age limit for children playing at a reasonable volume, at reasonable times, in their own garden.

I would start to learn to play the trumpet.
I would practice loudly in the garden for when I started my arena tour.

To be fair my response to any text message saying my kids can’t play in their own garden would have been ‘fuck off’

I'm guessing you've not lived in the country if you think it's quiet 🤣 I grew up in the country and it's noisy! Nature isn't quiet. Some townies moved in next to my parents (a few years ago now) and immediately started complaining about the noise! Farm vehicles - from trucks and cars, to lorries and combines passing the house (they lived in the middle of farmland, a mile away from the nearest village, but moved thinking the country was quiet....) cattle and sheep in the field next door making noise, birds singing - yes they complained about the birds in the hedges and trees and demanded the farmer rip them up! They also demanded that the farmer stop any vehicles working in the fields surrounding their property before 9 and after 5 and not at weekends! Some folks are just born to complain. They lasted a few years and eventually moved away 🤣 it does make me laugh when people say "move to the country if you want quiet"

This is your garden. As long as you are not being anti social, then let your boys play. 7pm on sunday, is not anti social. Let your neighbours move, you are not the problem. They sound like bullies. I would just delete and ignore.

I've been in a similar situation when I was a single mum of 3 girls, one particular neighbour would complain the girls were making too much noise when playing - they were 9, 7 and 4 and we had complaints that they chattered too loudly, giggled too much and were disruptive.... both indoors and in the garden. This from a woman in her 40's who would have blazing rows with her partner and older teenage son late into the night, with him slamming the front door and revving his car hard before disappearing out, and both of them playing music late into the night at weekends. I didn't feel in a position to complain as she was best friends with my landlady who had previously lived there. Thankfully, the landlady decided she wanted to move back after 6 months and we moved. I couldn't have taken much longer with the woman complaining, but I really didn't think my children were making any outrageous noise - they were even in bed by 7 each night! Your boys don't sound like they are playing foot ball or basket ball every second they have spare, and are away half the time. So personally, I'm thinking your neighbours are being a little unreasonable here. Maybe they've got issues going on, physically or mental health and you're just the easiest place to vent. Stand your ground mama! I know it's hard when you are the only adult, but you can do this. Remind them that it's only short bursts, the boys are away 50% if the time anyway and they do visit the park. They have every right to enjoy playing in their own garden at home and as long as they aren't out at all hours, or swearing their heads off, you'll continue to let them play. Children are children for such a short time, it's lovely that they aren't glued to a screen indoors and are out and playing together. Good luck mama xxxx

You've made heart!! OP!

My neighbour's 10yr DS was bouncing his football on their concreted back yard which is about 5 metres away from my shoe box bit of grass back garden where I had gone for a quiet sit down to read my book. They also had a BBQ the other day and my washing on the line needed redoing due to the cooking smells.
Did I complain, No, because it's their garden in the middle of the afternoon and they can do what they like, on the whole they are decent people so I just sucked it up. You are definitely Not Being Unreasonable.

This is so ridiculous, let kids be kids.
I’d rather have kids playing in gardens than wandering around the streets, no one can dictate when and what children are allowed to play in their own gardens as long as it is during sensible hours.
Where I live all the children are always in their gardens playing football, on trampolines, shouting and laughing, it’s all part of being a child and we shouldn’t hold them to adult standards.
Sk what if a ball comes over your fence, throw it back!
They grow up so fast, why spoil it by being grumpy and moody over normal childhood behaviour.

Interesting the the wife has no knowledge of the messages.

"Telling not asking" wow!!
As you've stated many times there is no background to this i think your neighbours are being EXTREMELY unreasonable. When you have neighbours you have to live with other peoples noise, that's life. The fact your DC are with their DF every other weekend and part of the school holidays makes the text even more unreasonable, they get plenty of time without the noise.
If it were me i would have replied telling the CF :-
Good afternoon (insert name), i'm sorry to hear that my DC playing in our garden bothers you so much. However, they are just children and they have every right to play safetly in their own garden whenever they like and they will continue to do so. I do not appreciate you trying to tell me to send them to the park, i won't be told what to do with my own DC. They aren't out early in the morning waking people up or late at night when people may be trying to sleep so i think you're being unreasonable. I suppose you could go out to a quiet park if the noise bothers you that much. Good day.

Brilliant idea 🎷🤣🤣

OMG 🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn’t engage anymore.

I have a complete asshole of a neighbor…I tried to placate him for over a dozen years and he was just never pleased. Now we do as we like within reason…my kids (15, 9, and 7) aren’t out too early or late and make them come in if they’re screaming or fighting etc. Otherwise, whatever.

People here saying they’re “too old” to play in the garden are nuts. 🤣 I know plenty of adults who play lawn games!

Jeez a half hour playing ball games at 7pm! This man doesn't know how lucky he is! Our new neighbours have been having extremely loud work done on their house since last September. Neighbours on the other side sons regularly have parties with music until 3/4 am while their parents are away and can smell their mates' pot smoking frequently. Other little kids shriek in the street sometimes. It's all normal. I don't complain. I expect we're accidentally loud on occasion foo!

The constant thump of a football is very annoying, we all have the right to enjoy our gardens, if it was a barking dog noise (equally annoying) it would be investigated by the council.
I would just limit the ball play to a short time and hope that calms the situation.

Basketball hoops often have a backboard that the ball bounces off and that sounds awful.

You are what is wrong with society today with a halfwit selfish reply like that! we all have to live together and talk through problems with neighbours.

@BigSandyBalls2015 here here. Me and my DH quite often have a basketball hoop off 🤣🤣

If it was a barking dog it would be investigated re welfare of said dog

"we all have to live together and talk through problems with neighbours."

Although op tried to do that and got threatened....

I thought he didn't try to talk it through, he told OP what was going to happen ,

She tried to talk it through.