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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

287 replies

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:11

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

OP posts:
SmartCarDriver · 24/06/2022 15:48

tobee · 24/06/2022 15:47

She tried to talk it through.

Ah, I see!

prettybird · 24/06/2022 16:32

If dave24 had bothered to RTFT properly Hmm, he'd have seen that the "ball playing" was indeed limited to a short period (half an hour in the early weekend on a weekend when they'd only just got back - and they're not there every weekend anyway Confused) and that the OP trying reasonably to "calm the situation" by discussing what a compromise was told not asked to send her boys to the park and to play in their own back garden Hmm

rainbowmilk · 24/06/2022 18:31

Have to say, having been listening to the neighbours’ boys screaming and kicking a football off the walls, fences and cars for the past 4 hours, I feel a degree of sympathy for the neighbour…

PoseyFlump · 24/06/2022 21:14

Everyone conveniently keeps forgetting the damaged plants. Guess it's fine for kids to damage other peoples property.

dottypotter · 25/06/2022 00:14

PoseyFlump · 22/06/2022 16:33

@mrsh1807 your neighbour's second text makes it sound like he is responding to something you have said about the park, did you miss that bit out?

Are you sometimes out when the kids are playing at home? He mentions kids being disrespectful, is it possible he has shouted over to them and they've swore at him or something?

I think you need an honest chat with you kids, especially about the damaged plants etc.

The names that you are not familiar with in the message, could this be other neighbours? Is it possible they have all been talking and complaining amongst themselves?

I think the messages are on the rude side but I don't think they are threatening. He's a fencer, he's not going to sound like a barrister and because you know each other he's let that familiarity get away with him.

If your kids are doing more than you are aware of and all your neighbours are complaining you do need to sort it out rather than some of the replies on here telling you to tell him to fuck off and ignore.

Some people have no idea have they. Suggesting she tell them to f off etc yes very classy and that's not going to get you anywhere anyway.

If your children are just genuinely playing in your garden and aren't being rude or anything then carry on being polite but firm. You could always ask the local community support for help too.

Never lower yourself to swearing stay business like. I despair of some of the advice on here no wonder the world is in such a state.

Maray1967 · 25/06/2022 08:19

OP, you said above that they have had late night parties using the hot tub. If you get any more messages from him of that sort I would point that out. Consideration goes both ways.

I would let mine play out for a short time once a day at that age and if they want more time send them to the park for the rest.

nickthefox · 25/06/2022 08:31

allboysherebutme · 21/06/2022 23:29

Also maybe try and get some advice from the council or something, what times are except able and send it too them. X

This is actually a really great idea. I would definitely send a link to your councils website.

just to be in the safe side I'd keep a note of when you're boys are outside roughly. just I case they 'keep a diary' of false accusations.

I'd maybe block their nerves too

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 10:30

@nickthefox how can the OP keep a note of what the older kids are doing while she's not at home? I personally think this is likely to be the root of the problem.

KosherDill · 25/06/2022 11:15

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 10:30

@nickthefox how can the OP keep a note of what the older kids are doing while she's not at home? I personally think this is likely to be the root of the problem.

Get a couple of webcams and aim them at the garden.

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 16:14

Yeah @KosherDill that's definitely the way I'd be going to know for sure!

Mummous · 25/06/2022 16:38

In my opinion you are being a responsible parent.you have your kids where you can see them and they not roaming the streets.
Do not move at all your neighbours do not pay your rent or mortgage and there are no restrictions on the use of the garden.
Your neighbours should move if they not happy. After all as you say it not for hours on end. As for the texts I would screenshot them and tell the police you now feel intimidated and anxious.
They had no right to upset you in this way.
Take care.

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 17:20

@Mummous what would you do about the damaged plants?

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 17:22

Personally I would be very wary about involving the police. One of my neighbours did that and it backfired spectacularly when the other neighbours had video evidence.

Mummous · 25/06/2022 17:31

I would offer to replace them or get a gift card from the garden centre.that would be fair.
I only mentioned the police as they would sort both sides of the arguement

sunglassesonthetable · 25/06/2022 19:18

God alive since when have kids not been allowed to play football, in their own garden?

No they don't have to go to any park.

Presumably you liked the garden when you bought the house? Yep 👍🏻 you can do what you want with your own garden. Just like Mr "Telling not Asking" uses his for parties and hot tubs.

You are being reasonable about times and duration. And he's being aggressive and very confrontational.

Keep an eye on the times the boys are playing. Don't get into an argument. Ignore.

KosherDill · 25/06/2022 21:46

PoseyFlump · 25/06/2022 17:20

@Mummous what would you do about the damaged plants?

I was wondering this as well.

And why the boys couldn't be trusted to tell their parent that their balls had gone astray.

After my garden was damaged with no apology, my policy became "puncture & bin" for any ball or toy flying over the fence.

They don't kick their balls my way any longer. Problem sorted.

sunglassesonthetable · 26/06/2022 09:51

*Peace and quiet are the default; there should be a very good reason for making noise and commotion that invades anyone else's private space. And frankly kids banging balls around, when parks exist for that purpose, is not a very good reason.

@KosherDill*

Kids playing. Suck it up.

You sound like you have a difficult relationship with difficult neighbours. I have no idea why.

Ted27 · 26/06/2022 11:55

Ive lived next door to my neighbours for a long time, our kids used to play together.
When they were younger, yes they were noisy but it was fine, just kids playing.
I think part of the problem is when they effectively out grow their garden. The garden is just too small for what they are doing.
Its not just the occassional ball thats coming over, it can be constant. I came home one day to find 8 footballs flattening my plants and several broken pots.

I don’t think most people mind a reasonsable level of noise, I also think most people would take issue with people, teens or otherwise, yelling you f*g c* at each for hours on end. Which is what I have to listen to

sunglassesonthetable · 26/06/2022 11:59

I don’t think most people mind a reasonsable level of noise, I also think most people would take issue with people, teens or otherwise, yelling you fg c at each for hours on end. Which is what I have to listen to

Couldn't agree more.

But NOT necessarily what is happening.

Ted27 · 26/06/2022 12:04

@sunglassesonthetable

I agree. Just an illustration that HOW kids playing in their gardens can be a problem for neighbours.
Any behaviour goes just because they are kids in their own garden isn’t always acceptable

Cymraesambyth17 · 27/06/2022 14:30

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:11

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

I have 2 football/rugby mad boys 11 & 8. We have a large garden, they love playing out, they usually have half the street in too as we have goals and lots of garden games etc. Yes noise can be annoying but that’s life, they have to deal with it. I’m a single Mam too, doesn’t mean our kids are any worse than anyone else’s. Ignore your neighbours, or tell them to go the park themselves.

LuaDipa · 27/06/2022 14:59

vivainsomnia · 22/06/2022 14:51

But OP isn’t a “don’t give a shit” family. She has stated she goes mad at the kids if they’re kicking the ball off the fence / walls
It is, she's made it clear. She goes mad, so probably shouting, causing yet more disturbance and the boys clearly ignoring her and continuing and I'm still to meet 11 and 15 year olds who play football quietly. The fun is to quick as hard as they can with the goalie screaming and shouting when the ball pass them or even more when they stop it.

OP doesn't care one bit about compromising because there is one very simple solution: sending her kids to the park. Why isn't she doing this?

Op isn’t sending her kids to the park because they have a garden to play in. If the neighbours don’t like the noise of kids playing they need to move somewhere more isolated. They can’t dictate how others use their space and it’s perfectly reasonable for kids to play in their own garden. I didn’t buy a home with a large garden so my kids could spend their days at the park.

Op offered to discuss reasonable parameters and he replied with ‘I’m not asking I’m telling’. As far as I’m concerned his bullying tactics mean he warrants no consideration from now on.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/06/2022 15:22

She goes mad, so probably shouting, causing yet more disturbance and the boys clearly ignoring her and continuing and I'm still to meet 11 and 15 year olds who play football quietly. The fun is to quick as hard as they can with the goalie screaming and shouting when the ball pass them or even more when they stop it.

You are joking @vivainsomnia aren't you?

You have literally written a whole scenario in your head. With parts for everyone.

Let the neighbours go to the park. Maybe they could take their hot tub over and have their late night parties over there.

PoseyFlump · 27/06/2022 19:15

they usually have half the street in too as we have goals and lots of garden games etc. Yes noise can be annoying but that’s life, they have to deal with it.

I'm afraid you'll find if your noise is excessive and loud your neighbours could take action. We don't live in the '70s anymore.

And once again I'll remind posters that the neighbours sustained damage to their property. You can't just say 'tough' to that.

minipie · 28/06/2022 10:49

I have 2 football/rugby mad boys 11 & 8. We have a large garden, they love playing out, they usually have half the street in too as we have goals and lots of garden games etc. Yes noise can be annoying but that’s life, they have to deal with it

Your poor neighbours.