To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

[mrsh1807]

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

@mrsh1807 I think you've done the right thing there. Noise is one of those things that once it begins to grate you become alert to it, even get stressed waiting for it to happen (mine was neighbours dogs barking in the night so a bit different) and it's so easy for these things to escalate tit for tat so well done for your sensible approach and open mindedness to all possibilities.

I agree with this, living in a community means living with the community.

I'd ignore them

OP says: If they have been damaging his plants etc, I wish he'd told me sooner. The ball had gone over his fence the day before the text came through, perhaps that was the issue? He (or his wife) could easily have spoken to me about it though, we don't have a bad history.

See, nothing personal, OP, but this is the sort of parental attitude that irks me. If the kids can't be trusted to own up and say "Mum, our ball went over to Mr. Green's garden today - should we go over and apologize?" then they are too young to be out there unsupervised.

My neighbor's kid dented my car with a field hockey stick -- I heard him say "oops, did I just dent her car?" to his friends, whilst I was on a work phone call.

By the time I finished my call & got out there, they had dispersed and later when I talked to the father the kid stood there and boldfaced lied, and said he hadn't been playing next to my car. As I told the father, if the kid is too young or too lacking in integrity to own up when he damages others' property, he shouldn't be near others' property unsupervised.

The father just crossed his arms and said "My kids will do as they please." His jaw dropped a couple of days later when he saw the security cameras go up, aimed at our property lines and my driveway. Cameras which also thankfully stopped him letting his dogs soil my yard multiple times per week, as he'd previously ignored pleas to stop that too.

@KosherDill I agree. Plus the neighbour actually did say something - just not in the friendly way the OP wanted.

(I’m another person that’s witnessed her property being damaged by kids, only for the kids to then deny it in front of their parents, so I hear you on that.)

"Living in a community" is a two-way street. One could easily say that if you want your kids to run rampant, buy an isolated house in the country where you won't bother anyone else.

Peace and quiet are the default; there should be a very good reason for making noise and commotion that invades anyone else's private space. And frankly kids banging balls around, when parks exist for that purpose, is not a very good reason.

I also agree with this.

I would say you have been far more generous than me, after the way they have spoken to you - well, not spoken to you but been so damned rude in the text.

Since you have added the photo of your garden and shown there is no need for them to be in close proximity......added the fact they have a hot tub...... and directly quoted the wording of the texts, any slight sympathy I was trying to find for the neighbours has disappeared.

Of course your family have the right to enjoy your garden as much as anyone else does theirs. You have been MORE than generous in your attempts to work with your neighbours.

The father just crossed his arms and said "My kids will do as they please."

We've got one of those in our neighbourhood. I think there's a few on this thread too.

I suspect your neighbour has a condition called Misophonia, which they may or may not be aware of. Its the hatred of specific sounds and ball bouncing would likely be what is referred to as a trigger sound. It is unreasonable that they have sent you a direct message and not come and had a discussion. And its not unreasonable for your children to play in their own garden. You definitely shouldn't feel the need to move. Id go and speak to them if its worrying you and ask them specifically what the issue is. I suspect its the ball bouncing rather than the kids playing as such. Maybe agreeing a timescale like uo to 45 minutes a day ball bouncing would then settle them, as if they have misophonia, it makes it worse not knowing when it will stop. Having some idea means they know there's an end time...and misophonics can then work round that. Ultimately you can do what you like in your garden, but more harmonious for all if you can agree something which works for everyone..I have misophonia. Had it since i was 9 but only realised when I was 44.... Ball bouncing drives me nuts, but if i knew it was up to a specific length of time, I would do my housework or something instead of trying to read for example, till it passed as its not unreasonable for kids to play ball. Good luck.

Send them to the park, they’re old enough.

I have the same issue with my neighbours but they’re council estate and the mum doesn’t speak much English, so I just have to live with the noise (despite them playing right under 2 huge signs that say “no ball games”) and hope it doesn’t keep waking my baby and try to remind myself to thank my lucky stars that she’s a girl 😂

A girl? Why is that relevant?

Maybe they haven't realised girls play ball games too, some even play football 😂

I'd say ignore. If they can't be reasonable and discuss as you suggested, then just carry on as you were.

Children need to be outside lots. They're not doing anything wrong. The couple can go to the park instead.

The neighbours are unreasonable. Why shouldn't they play in the garden? I can see why it might seem a bit anti social if really early or late or all day every day but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

@Handsoffreturns did you miss the bit about other neighbours also being mentioned and damaged plants when you couldn't be bothered to read the full thread?

@FreyaStorm I know what you meant. But from my experience girls scream when they're young and boys shout when they're older. If you've got a neighbour who can't be arsed to rein that in you have my sympathy.

😳 wow may I suggest you read your post back to yourself to see how you sound

@mrsh1807

It's really good you have found a compromise

The irony of your neighbours text to you attempting to boss you around as you equally have the right for children to play in their garden and also to have peace and quite after a hard day at work without their noise and hitting running and late evening shenanigans. He's a douche isn't he?! Your poor neighbour to be married to sus h an intolerant and bossy man!!! I suspect he wasn't quite as intolerant of his own now brown children making noise but may have been abrupt with them too!! All hail the "big man"/s

I despise some of the PPs posting here who haven't RTFT and are saying we you ought (always be) quiet lest neighbours hear you.,, totally ridiculous comments that show they are intolerant or are transferring their experiences of unreasonable neighbours (which you aren't) into this thread.

Eerk auto incorrect
I typed
Hot tub not hitpoint and
Now "Grown" not now brown children!!

'Despair of' of not despise (that was a mistype too!)

I wish mn had an edit button for the first few minutes as auto incorrect can change what you type just as you save it!

Absolutely this. Bit cowardly to ask via a text. Block them and carry on as you are. Fuck that shit. They will be dictating what plants you can have outside next. Some people have nothing better to do

I have to be honest I am dreading the summer because of this.
I have never complained to my neighbour because their kids are entitled to play in their own garden, but we do have a huge common at the top of the road and a park 15 mins walk away.

It entirely depends on what they are doing - my neighbours are 13 year old twins. They screech and shout at each other. Their language is appalling. I have had to apologise when on teams meetings for work about the noise and foul language, The ball is constantly being wellied at the fences, the constant thumping is beyond annoying. The balls fly everywhere and they think nothing of climbing over walls and fences of several adjacent gardens to get them back. I’ve already had things broken in my garden this summer and my borders flattened- I never get an apology or offer of replacements.

Check what your kids are actually doing, maybe sit in the garden while they are playing and see if you think they are being unreasonable.

Ah but she’ll be playing football in English, which is an entirely different matter

Exactly.

That's why I finally got security cameras; to prove to defensive parents what their offspring were up to.

Exactly @Ted27 but didn't you know... their kids can do what the hell they like!