To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

[mrsh1807]

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

Does the ball hit a fence? That noise really grinds on you.

But you'd be in the right place to tell them to fuck off. After 8pm, fine, but 7pm isn't a big deal.

Your DC have a right to enjoy their garden- its 7pm on a summers eve not 7am on a Sunday morning.

Just ignore - don't respond- just block and ignore

Yeah do this. Don't stop them playing, play is precious at any age but especially as they get older. My garden backs onto a secondary school playing fields and all the whooping and screaming can be a bit annoying especially when they have practice in the evenings when my baby is trying to sleep but then I think how nice it is they're being active and having fun. I wish all teenagers had the opportunity for some innocent fun.

Anyway what are your neighbours going to do? You're doing nothing wrong.

People have disgraceful attitudes towards older children- the sound of our neighbors screaming 2 and 4 year old in the garden drive us berserk but I wouldn't dream of telling my neighbors to keep them quiet.

I don't think half an hour is bad at all and if you have a big garden it's not like it will be right by them. Children and teenagers need lots of exercise and I'd be really happy to see them doing it. The exception to that would be if it was unfair hours like - before 9am or after 9pm (roughly). It doesn't sound like they do it every day either. If it's making you feel scared though you could ask them to go to the park for half of the sessions and see if that takes the pressure off, that way they can still play in the garden but they're also playing in the park and maybe you would feel more relaxed about it.

So the consensus is the boys should not play in their garden?

No, not at all.

Despite them not even having the decency to come round and ask nicely, you still offered to come to some compromise and they didn't want to engage. So let your lads carry on.
They have the right to enjoy their garden, and weren't out at any sort of unreasonable time nor doing anything unreasonable.

I get, repetitive bouncing of a basketball could go through you if you have a migraine or something, but, other than thet, it is a perfectly normal, reasonable thing to do for a reasonable length of time in your own garden.

I wouldn't do anything - just let your boys play.

They’re only a little bit older than me so not being ageist just sharing their ages for context.

He has grown up kids, she does too though her youngest lives there most of the time. She’s 17 same as my eldest - who doesn’t play in the garden!

Yea I’ll maybe just send a final polite message back as suggested. I feel I should be brave and go round but, I’m saying it here, I feel too intimidated and not up to being shouted at directly about it.

A big fat coward is what I am!

You aren't a coward .... sometimes we feel able to stand our ground in person, other days we don't feel up to it because we aren't robots and have emotions to navigate 😊

Your neighbours are the cowardly ones, not you. They could have come and had a polite chat with you face to face and come to some compromise, instead they chose to send intimidating texts.

Repetitively bouncing a basketball on a hard surface is annoying but - kids are kids. They have as much right to enjoy their garden as the neighbours do.

For the avoidance of doubt, OP, my response stating that you’re ‘well within your rights to tell your neighbours to fuck off’ was not intended as a suggestion that you literally respond ‘fuck off’ to them.

I hate noise and I'm really sensitive to stuff like this, but you sound as though you've been entirely reasonable here, op, in your willingness to reach a compromise. I'd be more than happy if my neighbours were a little more like you!

I think this borders on bullying on their part. My advice would be to not engage in this any further. You've tried and sometimes that's all you can do.

FFS.

Of course your kids can play in their own garden. Tell the neighbours where to go.

Unless your children are playing at antisocial times or constantly kicking the ball against a fence or other resonant surface I can't imagine there's a genuine bonefide noise nuisance going on here.

You could get one of those sponge footballs which would reduce some of the noise. But I don't think you're currently doing anything unreasonable.

I’d leave it with having blocked him tbh!

@mrsh1807 no way should your boys have to go to the park when they have a good size garden to play in! Your neighbours sound like miserable twats and they're only in their 50's! Wtf is wrong with them? I'm guessing they've never had children...

You're doing everything right btw as the boys aren't playing football at the crack of dawn or at midnight of for hours on end so there's no problem. They're entitled to play in their garden. I have kids who play outside everyday and so do the neighbours kids... unless someone lives in the middle of nowhere then you will hear people, it's as simple as that! Personally I love hearing kids play outside when I'm outside rather than being stuck inside in the nice weather gaming etc... do not be intimidated by them... have you heard if they've ever complained about other neighbours as they sound like difficult people?

Totally normal and OK for kids to play football or any other game in their own garden at 7pm. Kids playing is one the things gardens are for. Your neighbours are ridiculous.

YANBU. The kids are not out from dawn til dusk. My DD use to hit a hockey ball ball on to our garage. It wasnt for long periods of time, I dunno maybe half an hour a couple of times a week, and we just gave our neighbour a heads up and she was fine. She had three children herself and realised they need to burn off energy, play outside etc.

Fast forward 10+ years, DD is an adult and was home recently, and helped my neighbour move furniture because she's got a bad back.

Neighbours should not get uptight about minor things which are all perfectly reasonable. Your really need to keep their neighbours on side so you know you can always pull in a favour if necessary.

My ndn kids are always playing footie, my dogs go nuts if they are out. Normally I get them in and shut the door. Don't think I wouldnt have the guts to complain about the kicking if the ball. They di

Ops typing too fast. The kids do go to the park most the time to play, as there is a big playing field.

All the best op

The repeating sound of a bouncing ball on a hard surface is awfully irritating.
Kids shouting at each other excitedly during play it's OK in my book.
Maybe the neighbours are trying to pre-empty the prospect of a noisy summer during school holidays.
Especially if they're working from home.
I'd let the boys play at the weekends but not making constant noise and not after 7PM when people might want to enjoy dinner in the garden or with doors opened.
And going to the park (if it is a safe park) for half of their football and basketball activities wouldn't be a bad idea.
Ignore neighbours for now and try and be considerate. The boys should also be aware of the situation so that they can self censor a bit.

Depends on the surface and what they are doing and at what time.

when we lived in a terrace the next doors kids would kick/bounce the ball repeatedly off the walls in the passageway bit and it was hell.

if they are bouncing it or playing against the wall it’s very disturbing.

if however they are being kids and playing in the garden on the grass then there is now issue.

however it they are out at 7 I would potential curtail it, not for the elderly neighbours but if there are any young families in the vicinity. Sounds can travel quite a way and so could be disturbing them trying to put youngsters to bed.

personally I would curtain loud activity in the garden at 6pm

There is nothing wrong with your kids playing footie in the garden, though it's nice to try and accommodate neighbours' needs where that's reciprocated - as you tried to do. Your reaction to the neighbour's last message seems a bit out of proportion, have the neighbours done anything in the past that makes you think they'll retaliate if you don't make your kids stop? If so a word with the police would be reasonable. If not, if you're just normally a bit nervous about people who disagree with what you do, perhaps some counseling/assertiveness training would help a bit? You really have done nothing wrong and you don't have to feel bad that your neighbour doesn't like normal life going on around him. It's his problem not yours. (I would remind the boys not to let their balls go over the fence, though).

@mrsh1807 If your boys were playing late into the evening then fair enough your neighbours may have point but they aren't. To be honest OP if my neighbours sent me rude messages telling me to send my kids to the park I'd promptly reply that its MY GARDEN and my boys will play in it all they like when it isn't late. If neighbour continued being rude I'd put them right in their place and tell them move house if they want silence. When you have neighbours you have to get used to everyday sounds in each others houses. Your neighbours don't own the street they have no right to demand and tell you that your kids can't play in their own garden.

Keep hold of those texts OP and log any incidents with them because I wouldn't be surprised if they turn vindictive and report you as a noise complaint my neighbour did this to my other neighbour because her newborn was crying a lot he also lied to the landlord and said she verbally abused and threatened him when it was him doing the abuse and threatening (I heard saw and heard the whole thing) neighbours can be the biggest arseholes at times if he becomes aggressive or continues to text report him for harassment