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To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

286 replies

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:11

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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MolliciousIntent · 21/06/2022 23:12

What time are they playing? Is it just the noise of foot on ball, or are they yelling etc? Is it 10min here and there, or hours a day?

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vodkaredbullgirl · 21/06/2022 23:15

Moving is a bit dramatic, send them to the park.

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Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/06/2022 23:15

What are they doing? Passing the ball, practicing a few skills? Or repeatedly kicking/bouncing the ball of a hard surface making a constant thumping noise?

There is a world of difference between quiet playing and making a racket, bothbof which they could be doing, and one of which is rude and unneighbourly especially at an age where they could go to the park.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:16

They talked about the sound of the ball bouncing. The boys do make a noise too to be fair, they’re calling to each other like you do when you play.

It was about 7pm on a Sunday when the message arrived. They’d been out there for half an hour. That was the only time that day they’d been outside. We’d been out all day.

For context they spend every other weekend at their dads house and half the school holidays.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:18

They’re bouncing the ball. Kicking it at the goal. Playing basketball.

They can go to the park sometimes yes.

So the consensus is the boys should not play in their garden?

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Changechangychange · 21/06/2022 23:19

Tell them to fuck off. If they want dead silence at the weekend, they can move to the countryside. Live next door to somebody and you will hear them in their garden, that is part of normal life. Your children are doing. Irving wrong.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:19

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/06/2022 23:15

Moving is a bit dramatic, send them to the park.

Yeah I know, I hate the conflict and the tone of the messages was horrible.

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Changechangychange · 21/06/2022 23:20

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:18

They’re bouncing the ball. Kicking it at the goal. Playing basketball.

They can go to the park sometimes yes.

So the consensus is the boys should not play in their garden?

83% of people think it is fine and your neighbours are being twats, looking at the poll.

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PedalPedal · 21/06/2022 23:20

This sounds like your neighbours problem. As long as they aren't out there 7am in a morning or 9pm at night then let them play.

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ChompChamp · 21/06/2022 23:21

Nothing wrong with your boys playing football in the garden (especially not for an occasional half hour or so on the weekend).

You are well within your rights to tell your neighbours to fuck off.

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NeverHadANickname · 21/06/2022 23:21

I don't think it should matter how long they are out or if they make a noise, if you have neighbors you should expect noise. As long as it is not too early or too late then I think it is fine.

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Coffeeisnecessary · 21/06/2022 23:21

I'm surprised by the responses you are getting! Why shouldn't your boys play in the garden? Really sad that you should be made to feel uncomfortable with it.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:24

I’m happy to curtail the hours during which they play ie make sure they don’t go out too early or too late (which I don’t think they do). Let’s face it in this country the weather is usually too rubbish to be outside!

I guess I’m just feeling scared of them. It’s ridiculous. I’m worried about what they’ll do if we don’t cease all noise making immediately.

I don’t think they’re open to a reasonable discussion about compromise and dont know how to proceed.

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minipie · 21/06/2022 23:24

Honestly, the sound of a ball repeatedly bouncing is incredibly annoying.

I have a neighbour (adult not child) who shoots netball goals every day and it’s driving me up the wall.

I won’t say anything as she’s not doing anything wrong per se, but it is really grating, so I do sympathise with your neighbours.

I suspect the basketball is a lot more annoying than the football (but I may be projecting).

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SusieSimpleman · 21/06/2022 23:25

If your neighbours want complete silence then they can move to a retirement complex or the country.

Let your children play in the garden.

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allboysherebutme · 21/06/2022 23:27

Don't let them bully you, as long as you don't let them play to early or too late, I don't see a problem. We can only go out in the garden a few months a year. X

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MsTSwift · 21/06/2022 23:28

God kids can’t win! People complain they are always on screens then when they kick a ball around that is wrong too 🙄. If they went to the park no doubt that would be complained about and they would find grainy pictures of themselves on local Facebook pages full of curtain twitchers.

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allboysherebutme · 21/06/2022 23:29

Also maybe try and get some advice from the council or something, what times are except able and send it too them. X

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ChompChamp · 21/06/2022 23:31

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:24

I’m happy to curtail the hours during which they play ie make sure they don’t go out too early or too late (which I don’t think they do). Let’s face it in this country the weather is usually too rubbish to be outside!

I guess I’m just feeling scared of them. It’s ridiculous. I’m worried about what they’ll do if we don’t cease all noise making immediately.

I don’t think they’re open to a reasonable discussion about compromise and dont know how to proceed.

Keep copies of all messages and make a log of all the times the boys play football in the garden for a while.

I’d be inclined to respond that your children are well within their rights to play football in your garden on occasion, that if they have any reasonable requests as to start/cut-off times you’ll be happy to entertain them, but otherwise you’ll be carrying on as normal.

If their messages continue to imply a threat, respond to ask them outright ‘is that a threat’? Involve the police if you need to.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:31

I know. And I know they’re not out in the garden all day because they’re in their bloody devices too 🙄 I think that’s why I’m
so upset.

Them getting out for half an hour a couple of times a day is a good thing in my mind.

I don’t want to have to tell them they can’t go outside anymore. I chose this house for the garden so they could play in it 🤷🏻‍♀️

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BookOfDreams · 21/06/2022 23:32

Ignore them. Don’t let them intimidate you.

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mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:34

ChompChamp · 21/06/2022 23:31

Keep copies of all messages and make a log of all the times the boys play football in the garden for a while.

I’d be inclined to respond that your children are well within their rights to play football in your garden on occasion, that if they have any reasonable requests as to start/cut-off times you’ll be happy to entertain them, but otherwise you’ll be carrying on as normal.

If their messages continue to imply a threat, respond to ask them outright ‘is that a threat’? Involve the police if you need to.

This was pretty much my reply to his first message. Happy to discuss a compromise for all to be happy. He just got ruder.

I’ve not replied to that second message. Blocked him actually as I didn’t want to receive anything more from him along those lines.

From conversations in the past I don’t think I’ll get anywhere if I do try and speak to them.

Feels really tricky. And uncomfortable.

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CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 21/06/2022 23:34

"I'm open to reasonable discussions so we can both enjoy our gardens. However you are mistaken in thinking you have any right to tell me what to do or to bully my sons out of their own garden"

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JaniceBattersby · 21/06/2022 23:34

My kids play football in the garden loads. Tbh it’s a family area with family sized houses so people need to expect some normal-family type noise. I put up with cats shitting on my lawn, people having crappy music on the radio in their garden, coming in from the pub at 11 and being a bit noisy and no, it’s not ideal but it’s all part of living in a community. Let your kids play in the garden.

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FixItUpChappie · 21/06/2022 23:35

I would text them back that you intend for your family to make reasonable use of your garden but will try to ensure they are not making noise at an unsociable hour.....then ignore.

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