Daughter hates her name wants to change it.

[Laurenw16]

my 13 year old daughter keeps expressing to me how she dosent like her name which is “Elizabeth” I neve imagined her ever saying this because i purposely picked the name Elizabeth to avoid this happening, it was a name I knew thought she would be happy with, it’s a classic no nonsense name. In her eyes she says it’s old fashioned and “no one her age is called it” she probably thinks that because of the queen. She wants to change her name to a popular name when she was born she suggested Emily because according to her “it’s the most pops your name in my generation and it’s cool”. I’m just not sure what to do it’s really upsetting her feeling like she’s embarrassed of her name, to be honest I’m more upset because Elizabeth is such a timeless name I never thought she would even want to change it. She will probably get over it when she’s older and gets passed the teen stage. What should I do?? Should I let her change her name or just make her carry on with having a name she hates

It's not old fashioned or dated but your DD currently doesn't identify with it.I have known many DC over the years who have changed their name either permanently or temporarily, sometimes a small change eg new nn but on other occasions a major change to fit with their idea of themselves.I wouldn't find it easy to remember to call her Emily at first but I would go along with it I think.The alternative is to keep disagreeing. My DD calls herself by a nn as do all has adult friends and anyone at all that met her after the age of 11. The extended family know her as her full name or a pet name it has never caused friction. One young person we know changed their name quite radically at 11 , we all adapted , it turned out to be a symptom of a lot of unease on their part and some years later they came out as transgender with a different and appropriate name again.

My name is Elizabeth, and I too disliked it growing up; I thought it was so old fashioned and I was the only one in both primary and secondary school with the name

BUT I have grown to love my name (I'm named after both my Grandma's, so I have 2 very old-fashioned names)

Also, only my mum calls me Elizabeth, everyone else calls me Liz

It's such a shame your DD hates her name, and maybe in a few years she will grow to love it like I did

But it is just a name, and if it affects her this much then either let her change it, or encourage her to go by a nickname

Having Margaret as a first or middle name must have been hell in the 1980s, to be fair.

I think wanting to change her name to Emily just because its trendier is a good reason not to do anything official now. You might point out to her that Emily was a top ten name but is dropping rapidly through the ranks, so in a few years is likely to be seen as a bit dated.

Exactly this. She can change it when she's 18. I'm sure she can find one shortening of Elizabeth she likes as they are dozens.

Lily and Libby come to mind.

She can change it herself at 16.
(as mentioned a couple of times already)

I think a lot of teenager want to change their name at that age. I know I did. I used to think it would be so cool if I had this name or that name and complaint about my parents giving me such a "boring" name. But the truth is that I grew out of it and my parents never made a big deal out of it. They always told me I could change my name at 18 if I felt like it, but I would have to pay for it myself.

"Hating" something at that age is easy to do.

I had to write, because at age 14 I did the exact same thing. My name was Elizabeth and the summer after my freshman year I knew I had to change my name for a couple reasons: 1) it is a 4-syllable mouthful with 9 letters and, more importantly 2) the teenage boys were merciless with the way they made fun of that name - "lizard breath" was one of the less horrendous examples.
I was changing schools, so the timing was perfect to create a new identify. My best friend came up with the name "Elli" (we didn't know how to spell "Ellie") and I went with it. I didn't tell my parents beforehand, they found out when they saw it written on some school work I brought home. You should appreciate the fact that your daughter confided in you. But please know, there's nothing you can really do to "make her carry on with having a name she hates".

I didn't legally change my name, I would suggest she keep her legal name and just use a nickname. I'm 41 years old now and have been Elli for the last 23 years. It's never been a problem that it's not my legal name. (Interestingly enough, my mother and father also go by nicknames instead of legal names.)
Good luck to both of you. It'll be weird as you get used to people calling her something else, but I was always patient with my parents and knew it would take them time to adjust.

I didn’t realise Elisabeth was so divisive!

@ColoMum when you look in the mirror are you fully Elli ?

elisabeth is my middle name. I go by that on all socials plus jobs. I have never told my parents though 😂

My daughter wanted to change her name when she was 13. She said, "Mom, I want my name to be Valerie." I told her to wait until she's 18, and she can change it if she still wants to. As her Mom, I thought it was a good choice. Well, a year later, she had changed her mind. These things are temporary for kids.
There's nothing wrong with Elizabeth as a name. So what if the Queen of England has the same name? I'm sure no one would make the connection.

I hated my name about that age as well mainly because it’s so common. I almost always had at least one class with someone with the same name. Got over it after a year of going by a different nickname and went back to going by my name. Definitely let her try nicknames out see if she finds comfort in a different version of her name. Elizabeth is an awesome name, I love it. I would totally name a daughter Elizabeth. I would either call her Lizzy or Eliza. I love names that come with multiple built in nickname options. Also, Emily isn’t exactly a new name either, it’s probably just as old as Elizabeth, I think of Emily Brontë.

Emily Elizabeth is the name of the owner of Clifford the Big Red Dog.

If she wants Emily instead of Elizabeth I fear it's a case of out of the frying pan into the fire.

I think choosing a nickname based on whatever she feels she wants to emphasize about herself would be a good idea.

But I think also that you need to delve deeper here. What is causing her such misery in her life that she hates this basic part of herself and her identity? Does she have friends? Hobbies or interests?

I've know a number of people who use completely different names, some all the time others just for some purposes.

A Gillian known as Billie
A John known as Spike
A Marie known as Seline
A Matthew known as Skippy

Jim Moir AKA Vic Reeves has used both names at different times. I think on the episode of who do you think you are he had a third name.

Celebrities often use a different name professionally, Martin Sheen still uses Ramón Estévez in every day life.

Could you suggest some nicknames? Lizi, Beth, Ellie?

I have a longer name with multiple possible short names like this, and I absolutely hated it as a child. I tried numerous nick names and still hated them all.
I have the most commonly used short name for it now, and still bristle when I need to use my full name but have accepted it.
Why not agree to call her Emily a home, and tell her you need to keep Elizabeth for official things?

I've taught a few Elizabeth's in the past few years so it's not that old fashioned and uncommon. One went by the nickname Lizzie. Another Beth. Another just Elizabeth.

I have an old fashioned name, at least Elizabeth is a known name. I didn’t meet a single person with my name till I was over 30. But by that time I liked the fact that no one else had that name. If she feels the same at 18 then she can legally do something about it.

Totally. It’s weird to me now if someone calls me Elizabeth!

I grew up with a name I hated and at 10 started asking my friends to call me other names. I tried two before I decided very randomly to use my middle name at the age of 14. this was 25 years ago and I have no regrets. Even though my give name April was significant and had special meaning to my parents it was not my name and every April I met was nothing like me. I was also teased growing up over both my first and last name which made me hate them both even more. You daughter has probably not liked her name for a lot longer than she has let on and is finally brave enough to tell you even though she knows you will be hurt or upset and is probably going by Emily with her friends. Respect that she wants to be called something else and let her use it. The more you fight it because you love her name the worse it will make the situation. let her know when she's 18 she can choose to legally change it but you hope that she keeps Elizabeth somewhere in her new name. She might "outgrow" this stage but that doesn't mean she should fight with you every day about it. Because my family respected my choice to change my name I gave an exception to a few close family members to still call me my given name because they explained why it was important to them. But they always introduce me by my new name to new people. It's just their nickname for me. My stepdaugher also hated her given name and choose to be called a different name, I have my own issues with her new name and her and I had a talk about it and agreed on a nickname that only I call her because I was honest with her about my issues and asked if we would agree on a nickname which she choose and that's what I call her. You've got a teen on your hand choose your battles wisely.

She's 13. She'll probably hate most things over the next few years.

Just agree to her calling herself Emily. She'll soon get sick of having the 'most pops' name as everyone else.

I want to add that there was a note about school work ect not using the new nick name this is not true. I didn't legally change my name until 3 years ago. but everything I did was under my new name. After the first day at school my teachers knew I was called this other name (and if she goes to the same school they will note this already) my work and college emails were all under my new name even though it wasn't my legal name. There is a box that actually asks on A LOT of forms if you have a preferred name. Even my doctors used my preferred name even though my id said a different name. I rented an secured flat once and a friend didn't know my legal name so could not get access to my building that was the 1 and only time I had an issue. I actually regret not changing my legal name sooner but I kept my given name for respect after my parents past even though i hated it.

I am Beth, not Elizabeth. When I was tour daughters age I also hated my name. My mom wouldn't even entertain the idea of a change. She had specific feelings on why she gave me this name. I was being teased mercilessly back then, and it makes me wonder if your daughter is being called silly derivations of her name. Her brain will not be fully formed until 26 y/o. I say try to delve a little deeper into precisely she wants to change it. To me, Emily is way more old fashioned than Elizabeth. I wonder if there's a "cool" girl school named Emily and that's part of why she wants the change.
Also, your job as a parent is NOT to be cool or hip, but to be able to stay the course while teenage hormones are ranging, in order to guide them into adulthood. I worry that giving in to her wishes tells her that getting her way in life is what life is about. And we all know it's not. It's about learneing to cope with and navigate being an adult without being an utter a-hole. Ok, jumping off my soapbox now. 😉

My children went to a three-form primary school so they were 90 kids in their year group alone and not one Elizabeth. Ella is quite close to Emily - has she considered being known as Ella as Ella could be more easily seen as a shortened option for Elizabeth?

Absolutely not! I felt so strongly about this I made an account. I grew up in a world of Susan's and Kathy's and always wished I was one of them. Today I'm thankful I am not. Teacher to be happy with her unique name and not want to be one of the same. That's the best lesson she can get from this discussion. Teenagers go through stages where they don't like a lot of things. One day when she is older maybe the only thing she has left of her mom is the beautiful name she was given. It's something children should not change but respect because it is a gift of love from their parents.

I really like the name Elizabeth, but I do think people should be allowed to use the names they feel most comfortable with. Having said that, she is very young, and it is more than likely she will change her mind about what she wants to be known as more than once during her life.

At this stage, if it was my DD, I would be telling her two things:

1. She can call herself Emily or anything else she likes unofficially (e.g. as her "known as" name at school) but she can't change her formal name until she is legally allowed to do it independently, if she still wants to;
2. She does not need to be embarrassed or give herself a hard time about going back to Elizabeth, or a different name, if it turns out Emily doesn't suit her - you will support her either way.

With the best will in the world, you give your child a name. It is then theirs to do anything they like with, including stop using it, just like anything else you give them. (Or that should be the case. Can you tell I am a survivor of parental interference in what diminutives I could use?)