Daughter hates her name wants to change it.

[Laurenw16]

my 13 year old daughter keeps expressing to me how she dosent like her name which is “Elizabeth” I neve imagined her ever saying this because i purposely picked the name Elizabeth to avoid this happening, it was a name I knew thought she would be happy with, it’s a classic no nonsense name. In her eyes she says it’s old fashioned and “no one her age is called it” she probably thinks that because of the queen. She wants to change her name to a popular name when she was born she suggested Emily because according to her “it’s the most pops your name in my generation and it’s cool”. I’m just not sure what to do it’s really upsetting her feeling like she’s embarrassed of her name, to be honest I’m more upset because Elizabeth is such a timeless name I never thought she would even want to change it. She will probably get over it when she’s older and gets passed the teen stage. What should I do?? Should I let her change her name or just make her carry on with having a name she hates

I would let her change it legally now otherwise her exam certificates will be in her old name

Most women who change their surnames on marriage get around this issue.

I found out that if you're married, you have to get written permission from your spouse if you want to change your name

I am sure that's not the case! Can you point to the legislation that requires it please?

I think I agree with your DD it is old fashioned dated and not a name I would want saddled with and all the nick name options of it are just as bad. Everybody should be allowed to pick their own name it’s a huge part of your identity and that’s speaking as somebody who’s mother saddled them with a terrible old fashioned middle name “Margaret” which I’ve never forgiven my mum for and could never change because she guilt trips me about how much she likes it and how special it was to her because she loved the woman it’s named after which had Absolutely made me resent her for it.

Elizabeth and all the shortened versions are so pretty and feminine. I'd understand if she wanted something more radical, but Emily? (I like the name Emily, it's just that it's very popular) It could just be a fad she's going through or being teased due to the Queen's Jubilee and I'd seriously hesitate on legally changing her name. Simply tell her she can't until she's 18.

Genuine question - why would things be much better? I would have thought it would just give rise to a lot of navel gazing and angst. And repeat changing - I'm not sure every young adult (18?) would choose a name that served them better than the one their parents chose, or be any happier with it over time. And then everyone would have to learn each other's new names - while a name isn't the be all and end all, the whole point of it is for us to recognise and address each other, not as a form of artistic expression.

I suppose I don't like the idea that upon reaching adulthood you now know "who you are" and can declare it to the world and set the fuddy duddies straight. There is still so much to learn and experience. At 18 you're still wanting to differentiate yourself from your parents in every way, but often as you grow older and have children you see things differently and place more value on the way you were brought up. It's normal for teens and young adults to rebel and experiment with self-expression, but they shouldn't be locked into that phase or worshipped for it.

Surely it's enough that people can change names if they want to, and/or have nicknames which change over time and in context?

I know several teen Elizabeth's and they are known as Libby, Ellie, Liza etc

that’s speaking as somebody who’s mother saddled them with a terrible old fashioned middle name “Margaret” which I’ve never forgiven my mum for

I think a lot of us have middle names that we don't like very much but are a nod to grandparents/other relatives (or in the case of my mum, the midwife/nun who helped deliver her!) But it doesn't get used. Completely different to the first name you are always referred to.

I actually love the name Elizabeth and when I think of Emily I think of Emily Bishop from Coronation street (see link) so it seems more old fashioned.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Bishop

You've never forgiven her? Lordy. What an extreme reaction. How does having an old-fashioned middle name impact your life? Can't remember the last time I had a conversation with anyone about my (also old fashioned) middle name.

I’d encourage her to use a nickname for Elizabeth - Ellie etc is similar sound to Emily. The Elizabeth I knew at school hated it and went by Bethel?!

I’m really surprised people seem so open to you letting her change her name! Elizabeth has so many nicknames she could adopt. I’d encourage that first but also wouldn’t let her change her name until she’s 18. It’s a nice name!

It's not an uncommon name for any age. DD is 14, and Elizabeth, mostly called Lizzy. There are two other Elizabeths in her school year, one called Ellie, one called Elizabeth. Suggest "Ellie" to your DD as very similar to Emily?

She can have a 'known by' name (you can call yourself anything. So legally she'll still be Elizabeth, but school etc call her Emily

I can’t believe pps who think Elizabeth is ‘dated’.

What will be dated in 20/30 years are those non-classic names that are fashionable and popular now.

My year at senior school was full of ‘fashionable’ Lindas and Christines - how many people choose those now? That’s what I mean by ‘dated’ - with one of those names you might as well wear a badge to say ‘I’m ancient!’

The current crop of popular ones will eventually be the same.

I hated my classic name at the same age but have liked it the rest of my life. I don't believe any 13yo is emtionally mature enough to make such a decision, so it would be a no on anything permanent.

But Elizabeth has SO many great diminutives, or she can create a nickname for now.

My dd is called Emily and at 13 hated it as too popular and lots of them in her class. It was the most popular name for about 3 years while she was a teen and she was disgusted to have such a common name. She grew out of that and never mentions it now. I wonder if it's something they go through at that stage and then it all blows off. Just keep listening to her making sympathetic sounds but do nothing about it and hopefully she will move on to the next drama soon.

Yes, that seems entirely normal. A sort of preteen/young teenager issue that they grow out of.

I think most of my friends wanted to change their name when they were younger, you get over it.

I do think it’s a bit odd OP thats shes 17 and is bothered by this. Seems a bit self involved. I wouldn’t be endlessly be disgusting nicknames, ages which she can legally change her name etc. It’s just adding to the naval gazing.

A couple of DH's friends did not like their given names at school and became known by entirely different proper names without changing their names.

Does she not like El/Elle? DD2 is massively into Stranger Things and has been known as El for a few years now!

Certainly don’t be telling your DD that you started a whole thread about it on mumsnet!

I know an Elizabeth who is actually an Elizabeth. It's surprisingly hard for people to accept, they all try to call her Lizzie or whatever and get short shrift.

It's a good name. She's 13. She needs to find something to feel oppressed about. Let her call herself what she wants but no legal change at that age. If you let her change it, she'll just find something else to rebel with like getting her tongue pierced or something.

I was taught at law school that you can't change your first name. Why doesn't she just adopt a nickname? Lizzo is current.

Honestly I haven’t I’m in my 30s now and still saddled with it because she literaly guilt trips me and cry’s if I even suggest that I don’t like it and want to change it because she likes it and it means something to her, a woman that died about 30 years before I was even born. I got bullied in school about my middle name and it has deffo left me with resentment purely because I still as an adult feel like I’m not allowed to change it without world war breaking out. My mum was and still is a control freak tho and It’s easier to keep the peace

'Grandma name'

How old are you? You sound about 12.

15yo DS hated his name, so last year he chose to be known by his middle name instead.
I'm glad he chose that name as it removes all the need for legal faff, as it's still one of his given names, and he just accepts that his old name comes first on official documents such as passports.
It's really common for people to be known day to to by a different name to their registered one.

What a weird complaint from her. Elizabeth is probably the best possible name in terms of nicknames, as others have pointed out. Yes, it is dated, and so are Liz, Lizzie and Libby, but there are still options.

Beth is a pretty 'cool' name, as is Ellie or Elle. Bess and Bessie are retro in a cool way. Why can't she pick one of those?