Daughter hates her name wants to change it.

[Laurenw16]

my 13 year old daughter keeps expressing to me how she dosent like her name which is “Elizabeth” I neve imagined her ever saying this because i purposely picked the name Elizabeth to avoid this happening, it was a name I knew thought she would be happy with, it’s a classic no nonsense name. In her eyes she says it’s old fashioned and “no one her age is called it” she probably thinks that because of the queen. She wants to change her name to a popular name when she was born she suggested Emily because according to her “it’s the most pops your name in my generation and it’s cool”. I’m just not sure what to do it’s really upsetting her feeling like she’s embarrassed of her name, to be honest I’m more upset because Elizabeth is such a timeless name I never thought she would even want to change it. She will probably get over it when she’s older and gets passed the teen stage. What should I do?? Should I let her change her name or just make her carry on with having a name she hates

I love lizzy and Libby,, if I were called Elizabeth I’d be a Libby.

If she was born in 2009 - Elizabeth was #43 for baby girl names in England & Wales, #69 in Scotland, #96 in NI, #11 in the USA. Emily is a lot more popular at least in the UK - with Lily, Ella, and Ellie (which can all be traditional shrtenings of Elizabeth) in between.

Can you let her change to Emily, if that's what she genuinely wants, as a "known as" name and then reconsider after she's lived with it for a while if she still wants to change it legally?

(Incidentally, the two teenage Elizabeths I know go by Elle and Eli),

^^ This.
It really doesn't matter if she uses a different name to the one you picked. It means nothing at all about how much she loves, how "good" a mother you are, how likely she is to be kind/successful/appreciative/close to you. None of that is changed by her using a different name. Letting her do it without trying to talk her out of it simply removes a source of conflict from your relationship.

(Unless she is simply looking for a way to rebel - if this is the case then making it difficult for her, insisting she picks an Elizabeth related nickname instead of Emily, being visibly a bit disapproving, etc. gives her a safe way to push boundaries without sabotaging her future. I don't think teens do that so much these days, but if she is just generally against everything you ever suggest or have had any hand in, then making this a gentle line-in-sand may be a way to contain some of that).

it my daughter's name and she also hates when people call her "Elizabeth", but she is known by one of the many short forms for the name, which she likes. My ex-husband's family also call her by one of the short forms, but a different one. There are so many possibilities with "Elizabeth".

That rather illustrates the point that “Elizabeth” is old fashioned… if everyone is changing it!

I think it’s old fashioned, and calling it a classic or timeless doesn’t change that. Can you tell I have a similarly old fashioned name?!

It’s her name - let her choose.

You can't move for Bettys in key stage one at the moment.

Elizabeth is such a popular name that I wouldn't be able to help laughing, albeit internally, at her assessment that no one her age is called it.

She probably has at least 2/3 in her year group with the name but she doesn't realise as they use one of the hundereds of shortenings or diminutives.

I'd encourage her to really look at all the names Elizabeth can be shorted to and choose one of those. If she can't find even 1 she likes then she's just being daft and argumentative for the sake of it.

If it’s like my area though, they’re all actually legally called Betty though, not Elizabeth.

I don't understand why people are suggesting other names. If OP can be comfortable with Betty or Isobel why in earth can't she become comfortable with Emily.

OP don't be precious about this, yes you picked it but it is her name, if it doesn't reflect her personality (even just when she is young) then she gets to change it. We hear our own name all day long, especially at school. It needs to feel right.

My daughter is 18, hip , cool and called Elizabeth . Her name gets shortened to Lizzy, Liz and we have had no complaints here .

But she’s right that hardly anyone her age is actually called Elizabeth, rather than is legally named it. I’m 52 and I honestly cannot think of a single person I know of - through my children too - who uses Elizabeth.
Sure there are lots of short names from it - but that doesn’t make her fussy if she doesn’t like any of them. I don’t either, particularly. If you’re going to change Elizabeth to Libby, why not just use Emily? I don’t even see that Libby, for example, is any closer logically than Emily!

Try to see it from her point of view - it’s a formal name. I always think it’s a name Thais quite serious.

This

It doesn’t matter why she hates her name, she hates it. Let her change her name at school and at home to whatever she wants and then she can formally change her name by deed poll when she is 18.

You have to let go of how you feel about it because it’s not really about you and it doesn’t affect you. She is the one who has to live with her name.

I don’t mean to be harsh, it’s simply a lesson learned because one of my DC did completely change their name- first, middle and surname by deed poll the day they turned 18 because they did not like the names we gave them. It hurt at first, but it did not take long to accept that their name belongs to them, not me and it’s not a reflection on me if they change their name(s).

I’d be encouraging her to use a nickname for it too. Effie, Beth and Elle are all reasonable cool girl version I think. Apart from anything else, it’s going to be easier to get people to accept that then just announcing you have a totally different name now.

She doesn't need to change it to change what she's actually called/ what's in the 'known as' box at school etc. Emily does seem a bit of a stretch though from Elizabeth and as pp's have said there are so many options with Elizabeth. If she wants something more modern than the typical ones how about Izzy

I agree there are so many nicknames she could use rather than changing her name. Emily to me sounds more old fashioned than Elizabeth tbh. Lots of people have names they don't actually like.

It won't really work, it's not like using Liz as a derivative as people won't get it. Elizabeth will follow her around. Her teachers will call her Elizabeth. When she tells people her name is Emily they'll ask her why she's using a fake name like she's some sort of weirdo. Even if she is able to get the school to call her Emily and it takes off (will be hard) as soon as she's at uni she'll be back to being called Elizabeth on the tutorial lists. If she ever gets a job HR will feed Elizabeth onto her work email, not Emily, so does she then sign off as 'Emily' when the email comes from Elizabeth? She'll get loads of weird looks for it as long as she keeps it up,

She could maybe tell people that she's changing her name to Emily and to start using it before the name change goes through. But otherwise she'll just be treated like she's effectively lying about her name if she tries to pass it off as a legitimate nickname.

I see my job as a parent as getting DD to adulthood in one piece, it's a hard boundary of mine. So I tell my DD she can't make any permanent changes until she's 18, piercings, tattoos, name changes etc. Once she's 18 she can do as she pleases. She may go crazy or she may not but as an adult it will be her choice.

She is free to make temporary changes though, her hair is often going from long to very short and has worked her way through shortnings of her name, so in my case I would let her go by Emily but wouldn't change it by deed poll.

In a world where children are told they can change gender and pick a new name that suits their identity its unsurprising she wants to change her name.

I love all the nicknames that come from Elizabeth - especially Effie, Beth, Betty etc, they’re all much nicer than Emily! I’m late 30’s now but when I was a kid I HATED my very unusual name, said to my parents all the time I wanted to change it to Jane of all things…I’m so pleased they didn’t let me! I love my name now. I’d encourage her to use a different form of Elizabeth for now, or even use Emily as a nickname if she really feels that strongly but I’d say no legal changes til 18. I’d have hugely regretted it if I’d actually been allowed to change mine.

i also know lots of people who have a more traditional or longer name but go by a nickname - Alfred is Alfie, Isobella is Izzy etc.

Is she otherwise happy, OP? I always wanted to change my name as a teen, and eventually did once I was 18, and it stemmed from depression that arrived with adolescence: I didn’t so much want to change my name as change ME, peel my unwanted body and persona off like a snakeskin and be someone else entirely. I had mild body and facial dysmorphia, was bullied, wanted to be popular and “normal”.

(I’m back to my original given name now, btw, and no longer unhappy!)

It doesn’t matter why she hates her name, she hates it

I disagree. Surley it matters a lot. If she wants to change it because she thinks it will change her, make her a new person or because she's being bullied etc then changing the name is a symptom of something else which won't be fixed simply by changing her name.

Do not let her change her name. Her mind will change many times between now and adulthood. I hated my name as a teen too, I used nicknames from age 14-25 then I changed jobs and just reverted to my given name and didn’t even think anything of it. I don’t love my name but its my name.

You forgot Lillibet

But also Libby, Lilli, Betty, Lisa, Lissy

@Marvellousmadness Its not a grandma name!! I mean I shorten my name but I like the full version too. Also in my year alone we had 3 Elizabeth’s