Daughter hates her name wants to change it.

[Laurenw16]

my 13 year old daughter keeps expressing to me how she dosent like her name which is “Elizabeth” I neve imagined her ever saying this because i purposely picked the name Elizabeth to avoid this happening, it was a name I knew thought she would be happy with, it’s a classic no nonsense name. In her eyes she says it’s old fashioned and “no one her age is called it” she probably thinks that because of the queen. She wants to change her name to a popular name when she was born she suggested Emily because according to her “it’s the most pops your name in my generation and it’s cool”. I’m just not sure what to do it’s really upsetting her feeling like she’s embarrassed of her name, to be honest I’m more upset because Elizabeth is such a timeless name I never thought she would even want to change it. She will probably get over it when she’s older and gets passed the teen stage. What should I do?? Should I let her change her name or just make her carry on with having a name she hates

I neve imagined her ever saying this because i purposely picked the name Elizabeth to avoid this happening, it was a name I knew thought she would be happy with, it’s a classic no nonsense name.

I think this is the problem, to a teen classic,no nonsense =boring.

I hated my classic name as a child and a teenager. As a child I wanted to be called Tracey as a teenager anything with a cool nickname. I went to a girl guide camp and filled in the forms with a different name, however when I got there it didn't feel right being called something different and I didn't answer to the new name.
That made me realise my name wasn't so bad and I got over my hatred of it.
Now I love my name!

@Laurenw16 I would not lose a second's sleep over this. Tell her she can call herself whatever she likes. One of my DC called herself something other than X, then name I gave her. She told all her friends that she would only ever be known as Y. It lasted about two weeks, then she and her friends all forgot about it. If they hadn't, she could have carried on and then changed it officially, if that's what she wanted to do, when she turned 18.

It's not much different from the nicknames girls had when I was at school. One is still known now by her nickname (including by everyone she met after leaving school), and we are all 50. It's not a name which bears any relation to her 'real' name.

I have an Eliza who was very nearly an Elizabeth so I'm a bit biased. I think it's a beautiful timeless name. Even for those who do consider it an older name, granny chic is in 😆

To me, Elsie has the closest vibe/sound to Emily but is still a version of her own name. FWIW if she doesn't like it I would allow her to change it to Emily. She may well tire of it when she has difficulties getting people to use her new name and if she doesn't then by the time she can legally change it will be well integrated into her life.

Your name is a core part of your identity, but you don't chose it - it's a whim of your parents when you're born. Let her change it.

What you think of the name isn't relevant, you don't live with it. You could make it her 14th birthday present.

I decided I hated my name when I was about 15, for me it was definitely a self esteem thing. I just disliked everything about myself.

My daughter's middle name is Elizabeth. She's 12. She has a friend called Elizabeth, the same age. It's beautiful, with so many diminutives that she could use.

I think kids just get to that age and are inclined to hate everything. Fwiw, I also have a daughter called Emily and she will probably tell you she hates her name because it's too common.

If I were you, I'd let her shorten Elizabeth but I wouldn't let her change it completely.

Totally agree. I expect if it wasn't her name it would be something else. She can change it legally after he's 18 if she still wants to. I wouldn't feed the drama tbh.

Sooo many different derivatives for Elizabeth! Surely there’s one variation she can use?

I loathe my given name. With a passion. I adopted a nickname at age 15 and now there are only two people in the whole world who call me by my given name (immediate family). Other immediate family members managed to cope with switching to the nickname and plenty of people in my life are surprised to discover that isn't my actual name.

So, it's entirely possible for her to be called whatever she wants to be with no need to change anything formal yet.

But, if this sticks when she is older I would strongly recommend changing it by Deed Poll sooner rather than later. I found out that if you're married, you have to get written permission from your spouse if you want to change your name. It's because they are in a legally binding contract with you, and a name change goes to the heart of the contract. It's not sexist, it would apply to the man as well.

Can you suggest that she goes by Emily for a while in conversation and at school, with a view to changing it by deed poll at a later date if she wants to make the change permanent?

A good friend of mine at school had a very old fashioned name her non English mum had picked as being “traditionally English”. She told everyone she was going to use her middle name instead (she didn’t actually have one) and becameknown by that. It was easier when she went off to Uni etc as nobody knew the name she was using.
At her wedding everyone was shocked that her legal name was different and there were only 2 of us there who had any idea before the vicar said it.

Elizabeth has loads of shorter versions.

Lizzy
Libby
Beth/Bess
Betty/Betsy
Lilibet
Eliza/Liza
Ellie

I've even come across a couple of Zabeth's.

Is there nothing in there she can consider?

Ha - Elizabeth is my middle name and I much prefer it but haven’t said anything to my mum - aged 48 and scared of upsetting mammy 😂😂😂

No. If she wants to change her name when she’s an adult, that’s up to her, but right now she can’t. She can find a nickname she likes, if she wants. But her reasons for doing it - to be cool or popular - aren’t good reasons to change something so significant for the rest of her life.

My DD hates her name too, also quite a traditional one. She'd rather I'd called what I wanted to name a daughter when I was a teen - Tequila Sunrise!
DD's name only really has one shortened version and she's not keen on that either.
My mum hated her own name too, so it makes me quite sad as I love mine and I feel bad for her.

The thing is, once she turns 16 she will be able to change her name anyway and won't need your permission. It'll cost her about £50. I know people get attached to the names they give their kids, but sometimes they just don't stand the test of time. Both my DDs have changed their names - one is using an unusual abbreviation, the other has gone for a complete and radical change. And it's fine - it's part of the process of growing up. The names we give them at birth are place holders; once they mature, they should be free to choose their own.

I have an old fashioned v uncool name, then suddenly a celebrity came on the scene with a super-cool shortened version id never heard before & everyone at school started calling me that! I LOVE the shortened version! It’s definitely worth exploring diminutives. Elizabeth has so many options - surely there’ll be one that she loves. There are lots of great suggestions on this thread already, but I love Eliza. Emily is very much in the same category as Elizabeth - classic / popular so nothing to gain from a switch to that. Many diminutives of Elizabeth are much cooler than the name Emily!

Yes, I would do this

I go by Elizabeth for random stuff like magazine subscriptions and work related admin. And Facebook of course 😂

I too hated my first name and all its derivatives, so I switched to my middle name in my teens. It took me till my early 40s to deed poll it legally out of existence though and I wish I'd done it years earlier given how easy it was to do. But by then I was sure I never wanted to go back to it.

I'd advise your DD to use her preferred name for a year or two to get used to it. She's still got a few years to go before she works out who she wants to be.

Let her change it now, whilst young enough to have others get used to calling her something different. Many people don’t like there name. I don’t and I’m too old to change now!

Eliza is pretty. Liz… not so much imo. Emily is lovely.

How on earth have you got to this age without shortening her name before? Do you always call her Elizabeth? Isn't there a shortening that you are already using?

I use my middle name for the opposite reason that your daughter wants to change. My DM gave me what was then a trendy name (she's not from UK and wanted to fit in) by the time I reached my 20s the name had become a 'joke' Much like Karen is at the moment but worse. (My first name is not Karen BTW). Final straw was when at a job interview I was told that basically they didn't expect someone with a 'name like yours' to be applying for that role. I reverted to my classic untrendy middle name, many might call it old fashioned but I have never looked back.

@TheFeistyFeminist

I found out that if you're married, you have to get written permission from your spouse if you want to change your name. It's because they are in a legally binding contract with you, and a name change goes to the heart of the contract

I don't think that can be right. Anyone can change their name if they want

And on the topic of changing names / spouses - I know this isn't the point you were making, but changing name on marriage is just a social convention, not a legal requirement. Many people think it happens automatically on marriage. Not so

Let her change it all she wants when she's an adult but until thenq, she can abbreviate Elizabeth to something she prefers.

Just throwing it out there because I don't think anyone else has mentioned it... Lily is a similar name to Emily and might be worth a mention (Elizabeth... Lilibet... Lili... Lily... in case anyone is wondering how I got there)!

I agree with everyone else, Elizabeth is a classic but it's not necessarily the 'prettiest' of names and if your DD would prefer Emily (not so far removed) I'd let her experiment a bit... it doesn't have to be formalised legally until later down the line (if applicable).