Rent and bills. Doesn't seem fair. AIBU?

[Perfectworld]

How would you split bills / rent in this scenario?

Both of us have 1x child each from previous relationships, both late 30s. Fiancé earns £120k, I earn £28k. I currently get child benefit and UC top up, which will cease when we move in together. He has suggested we pay half the rent each, plus he covers all joint utility bills, meaning I still have all non 'joint' bills e.g. my mobile phone, my car payment. Due to this, I will probably be left with less that I currently have spare each month (which is already very little). The rent I pay will be the same as I pay currently, due to needing a bigger house to support both of our DC. I will be worse off some months, and others about the same financially because I cannot claim UC or child benefit. On more expensive months, for instance, the months when DC's school dinner fee is due, I will be worse off than I am now. He will be saving approx £2k per month in this scenario, which he has said will be put towards joint savings.

What do you think is reasonable for each person, how would you split finances?

I would say no to moving in. You and your kid will lose and he will gain.

Tell him it's not going to work and you should stay as you are.

i would suggest a proportional split so you pay 19% of everything and he pays the rest - how would that leave you spending money wise?

once you’re married/have kids together I’d expect equal personal spending money, joint savings & everything else in one pot. Agree this up front though, if he’s not up for that id reconsider

Run. Run away now. You’re engaged and he’s already trying to control you financially. Red flag flying high.

Due to this, I will probably be left with less that I currently have spare each month (which is already very little).

Read what you have written. You will have less money if you move it with him. Don’t do this to your child.

Don’t move in together.

Have you discussed how chores and childcare will be split? If not, why not? I worry that you will be largely responsible for these things because he will say he has a high stress job. That’s not on

Someone who is willing to see you with so little disposable income is not a good bet.

Doesn't sound worth moving in together with that set up.

If you're getting married would he be amenable to making the accounts joint and all bills come from the main joint account?

£120k him, £28k you

he wants 50/50?

he is mugging you off. This is what he thinks about you

You’re moving in with someone who earns over four times what you do and he expects you to contribute equally rather than proportionately?

What a twat!

You’ll be scraping by, he’ll be making massive savings.

Well not a good start if your planning to marry. Surely it should be on more of a percentage basis for all the bills/outgoings unless your bringing debt to the relationship.

You’re also not married yet! So joint savings aren’t really a thing!

how lovely for him to put away £2k of HIS money a month and leave you with no disposable income

Nope that’s not fair on you. ‘Joint’ savings are meaningless if you are not married. What’s the point in savings each month if you are broke?

What does he say when you point out how much you are losing?

I can’t see any benefit to you and I wouldn’t move in together.

What about food bills and childcare?

He's a CF. And I bet his child would get everything going and yours wouldn't.

You can't afford to move in on the basis suggested.

I would look at paying all bills proportional to income so you pay 23% if you get married/it becomes long term then I would expect equal spending money.

He is showing you who he is and it isn’t very nice.

Missing point but wtf paying rent when he earns that much?

He has said I should pay 50/50 rent (the same amount as I am now). He will pay all joint bills. I will pay non-joint bills e.g. my car, DC's clubs and school dinners, my mobile, mine and DC's clothing. But him paying the joint bills does not equal what I will lose in UC and child benefit, so I will be worse off IYSWIM. I have no debt. He does have debt.

If it makes you worse off then you don't move in together because- simply put- you don't earn enough to afford it.

You shouldn't be left worse off financially by moving in with him!

Also, your dp shouldn't be ok with the fact you'll be worse off financially by you moving in together either.

We Pay proportional to our wages. DP earns £70k and I earn 30k. So he pays 2/3 and I Pat 1/3 roundabouts. We split food and activities etc 50/50.

Well Tell him you can’t afford to move in together.

@Cuddlywuddlies Food is split down the middle. He will only cover utilities. I will do childcare for my DC as I do now. Presumably he will continue caring for his DC when they are over.

Dont do it. That he has suggested this speaks to how he feels about you.

The only way I would do this is if you have a joint account for rent & bills, and you both contribute to it proportional to your incomes. You earn roughly 20% of the household income, so you contribute 20% of the costs. Anything else really isn't fair.

@TheWayoftheLeaf How do you split costs such as mobile phone contracts, car payments?