Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

We had a carvery. I thought it was good

Whatever you do, some will like it, some not. And that's fine. Nod and smile

Serve whatever you want, there will always be someone who finds fault. It's not really a buffet anyway, just not table service

No, it sounds lovely. I love a carvery !

I think it sounds like a lovely idea. Warm comforting food at a winter wedding-perfect!

Nope, it’s a great idea!

I did the same for my December wedding, it was at 4pm and we served some canapés (from M&S) after the wedding and had a big hog roast buffet in the evening, it went down a treat!

Thanks all, I felt like I was losing my mind a bit for a minute there!

Nothing like a wedding to bring out anxiety! 😅

Hot buffet sounds good. Went to a wedding with something similar & it allows people to mingle more. For people who are true traditionalists it might be a change from the usual script.

But your wedding, your rules.

As long as you have people serving it and not a free-for-all as the first tables to go up might eat everything / going for 2nds before everyone else is served!

A christmas buffet carved sounds like heaven! Ignore them - it’s your wedding.

It’s a free meal for them, no one has a right to complain or say they don’t like it! I haven’t liked the food at every wedding I’ve been to, if I don’t I just suck it up, it’s not about me! You’ve done what works for you and it sounds lovely anyway

Good point! Yes it will be served by staff 🙂

We did, and it went down well.

There was a mix of vegetarians, fish eaters, meat eaters etc so it was a lot easier.

It was 25 years ago. There was roast beef, poached salmon, a chicken dish plus a veggie mushroom roast.

Let vegetarians go first though. I went to a 'do' where all the meat eaters decided to give the vegetarian option a try so there was nothing left for me!

I don’t think it’s stingy. But can be very awkward for some guests, especially

older relatives

guests with disabilities who can’t stand in a line for 10 mins balancing a plate

anyone with dietary requirements as often there’s nothing for them or if there is, it’s scoffed by the first few tables who go up

guest who are at the last few tables as there’s usually hardly anything left

You also need to stop the first tables going back for seconds befroe the last tables have been for their firsts.

I think it works better if you have staff serving the food, as it’s stops the greedy bastards who push the front taking more than their fair share ( eg Dhs mates from rugby who think it’s a laugh to take mountains on food and leave it on the table uneaten ) .

Basicallh you need someone from the waiting staff to MANAGE it, perhaps calling up tables a few at a time and prioritising older relative etc .

Do what YOU want at YOUR wedding. If they don't like it, they don't have to come, simple. I personally think it sounds great, some traditional sit down wedding meals are so long winded, waiting for all the courses to be served and the food is rarely amazing. Yours sounds like a lovely party.

we had a hot buffet for our wedding. It went down really well. The food was fantastic and was commented on by all of the guests.
it just meant that they got up from their seats, chose what they wanted and sat down again at properly set out tables.
Ignore the family member. They don’t get to have an opinion on your wedding.

Sounds lovely I love a carvery means you can pick and choose what you like.

I think a buffet is fine. If it's a big wedding I'd have two buffet tables though, no one wants to be 99th in a buffet queue!

And meh to what other people think its your wedding.

Very good points! My mum is disabled so we'll be making sure we have people who can help guests, and we've got dietary requirements covered (I've actually got some so that's front of mind!) however it's an excellent point re crowd control. Calling up a table at a time seems sensible.

YY, I cross posted with @whiteroseredrose

Let vegetarians go first though. I went to a 'do' where all the meat eaters decided to give the vegetarian option a try so there was nothing left for me!

I am gluten free and this always happens to me. The people who go “ Oh look there’s something gluten free, I’ve always wanted to try that “ .

Then I’m left with a plate of lettuce and white rice. And an apple for desert.

If you have a couple of people who can't stand in line, perhaps a member of staff or another guest could bring food over to them

This is so reassuring, thank you!

I think it’s fine as long as they have enough dishes and staff out and you don’t end up with twenty min queues to get food and evrytone eating at different times.

Sorry to hear that this happens to you! I might do a sticker system or something for those with dietary requirements so that other folk don't swoop in!

It’s fine as long as the caterers know what they’re doing and you aren’t doing it for too large a party. I went to a wedding with a hot buffet once, and although the food was nice, by the time the last table got their food the first table were ready for pudding. It made the meal time feel like there was a lot of waiting for hungry people, rather than the easy relaxed atmosphere that was probably the intention. Plus the food the last table got was more like sharing out the leftovers rather than every table being catered to the same standard.

As long as you don’t take the cheap option on food but then spend over the top on the things that do nothing for your guests, people will be happy with whatever because they just want to celebrate with you.